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So here's the story: I'm a recent CS grad who has been working for a government company for about half a year, not because it was my first choice, but because I took their university scholarship and I do not have half a million to pay them back. It's sad because I initially had a Silicon Valley job offer, but had to turn them down and return to my native country because of the whole situation.

My work currently revolves around more R&D work and consulting the customers, as such I spend a big bulk of my time organizing meetings and doing paperwork, instead of development work which is what I really enjoyed in previous internships elsewhere. The culture is to work individually on a project, version control is rarely used (!) and I'm not interacting much with other team members. I've tried hard to fit in, but I just feel bored and sad most days, as a result it is affecting my performance.

I'm trying my best to get out of this hole, by being more active on Stack Overflow and having a few side projects (which I find a lot more interesting than my work), intending to submit some patches to open source soon, but I often come back from work tired and demotivated, rolling on the bed instead of job searching and working on my projects.

How can I force myself to carry on with work because of debts? What can I do to regain confidence in myself as a programmer?

EDIT : Thanks for the advice, it's enlightening to see different perspectives and great to have an experienced & supportive bunch of people here at stack exchange! now back to those bugs...

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Hi d3lphi, welcome to the Workplace, the Q&A site for questions about navigating the workplace. A few points, first, I'd suggest clarifying the point about gender, as people from either could take your statement the wrong way. Also, I'm going to edit the last part of your question a bit so that it focuses on finding answers to the problem and not a poll. Feel free to make another edit to focus on clarifying the question if my edits don't quite hit the mark. Good luck! :) – jmort253♦ Dec 29 '12 at 3:29
I'd say side projects and/or open-source. Also, you could try going to your boss with the situation (unless you have to pay back the debt if you are fired, what have you got to lose?) – Amy Blankenship Dec 29 '12 at 3:49
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Wait a minute, what is your role at this internship? Are you getting pushed into handling customers and managing meetings because of the confidence issue when you should be writing code? Why would this government outfit give you this internship only to have you not actually contribute the skills you've earned? There has to be somebody there who expects and wants more from you than that. If there isn't, make that person you and get yourself fired so you're free to get that gig in silicon valley. – Erik Reppen Dec 29 '12 at 8:56
@Amy: Yup I'll have to pay back the debt regardless (with interest!), but the longer I stay the lesser it will be. But changing the situation as much as possible & talking to higher management sounds good. – d3lphi Dec 29 '12 at 14:35

2 Answers

up vote 6 down vote accepted

An year back I was nearly or even worse situation with what you are currently, struggling with the monetary and family concerns(still fighting with a smile :) ). It takes me 2 years to sort out the things from my home grounds to be at a place where I was supposed to be after completing my graduation from CS stream.

So, from my personal experience I can suggest you some points:

  • Try to remain positive, irrespective of the situation.
  • "Rome was not built in a day" so is your career you need to be continuous with the process.
  • IT is one of the most dynamic industries, you need to be updated to follow the pace.
  • Try to spare some time from your daily work and open source would really be a good option( suggested by some users here, as asked once My Question ).
  • For coding purpose try to grab concepts about design patterns, algo writing, programming etc.
  • Look at this site, using it too http://projecteuler.net/ for my coding purpose.
  • May be some people wont like this as an answer but from my personal experience, Workplace is a great place to keep yourself on +ve side, follow the questions and answers as you will surely found that you are not the one who is struggling.
  • Also try to listen your friends, family and ask for there suggestions over your career set up but keep the final decision up to you only.
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up vote 6 down vote

One thing you should probably keep in mind is that while being a developer is a great thing (I've been one myself for almost 30 years), you cannot underestimate the long-term benefit of learning how to relate and, more importantly, listen to your customers. Whether you choose to believe it or not, you're in a pretty good opportunity right now, from what you've described. You've got the passion that a developer requires to succeed, but now, you probably need to work on the patience and social interaction skills that doesn't always come when you're spending six to eight hours a day in front of a computer. Even if you plan to work for yourself, you should consider this a chance to learn about the business side of software development.

Working on side projects to keep your skills fresh and sharp is a very good idea, but give this position a chance for a little while longer. If the work is tedious and boring, use your technical expertise to find ways to improve the quality of your time. Develop small workflow automation projects to help you keep your tasks under control, and to also provide you with the opportunity to flex your coding muscles. It sounds like they're telling you what you need to do, but not how it needs to be accomplished. So, don't be afraid to use your imagination. If you handle it right (which I'm confident you are capable of), the right people will take notice, which wouldn't hurt your career aspirations at all and will definitely make the days go by much easier.

Sometimes, applying the saying "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade" isn't as hard as we make it for ourselves...

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But what if you really hate lemonade too? – Erik Reppen Dec 29 '12 at 9:04
not to mention of your most important "customers" will be your boss and those you interview with – enderland Dec 29 '12 at 18:52
@Erik Reppen - "But what happens if you really hate lemonade?" Then you give it or sell it to others. Or make lemon squares instead and give away or sell those. Or you slice it thinly and decorate it with a gin and tonic, and drink, give away, or sell that. Or you trade the lemons for limes, squeeze them, and put into a blender with ice, triple-sec and tequila. But those are all a bit less pithy as sayings. – GuyM Dec 30 '12 at 5:35

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