Timeline for How should I handle an overly assertive peer?
Current License: CC BY-SA 4.0
29 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
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| Aug 25, 2021 at 18:00 | history | tweeted | twitter.com/StackWorkplace/status/1430590799474044948 | ||
| Aug 18, 2021 at 3:01 | review | Close votes | |||
| Aug 24, 2021 at 23:45 | |||||
| Aug 14, 2021 at 21:34 | comment | added | raxxast | Per your question, he is more experienced than you in the lenguage. So consider that there is a chance that you indeed do not know what you are doing. Furthermore, the difficulty in you finding examples means that he must not be that rude or blunt. So stop being offended and use the opportunity to learn and develop your skills. | |
| Aug 14, 2021 at 18:54 | comment | added | Basil Bourque | This Question would be improved if you gave very specific examples of the problematic feedback. | |
| S Aug 14, 2021 at 18:52 | history | suggested | Peter Mortensen | CC BY-SA 4.0 |
Copy edited.
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| Aug 13, 2021 at 17:34 | answer | added | user3067860 | timeline score: 6 | |
| Aug 13, 2021 at 17:20 | vote | accept | c36 | ||
| Aug 13, 2021 at 16:23 | comment | added | Milo P | @c36 Even if exact examples are hard to provide, can you describe an instance of feedback he's given? Someone who (incorrectly) assumes everyone else has adopted Crocker's Rules is different from someone who's just being a jerk. | |
| Aug 13, 2021 at 15:53 | review | Suggested edits | |||
| S Aug 14, 2021 at 18:52 | |||||
| S Aug 13, 2021 at 14:57 | history | suggested | muru | CC BY-SA 4.0 |
fixed markdown list formatting, use link directly so that title gets automatically updated if edited
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| Aug 13, 2021 at 14:40 | comment | added | Eike Pierstorff | @JaredSmith very much so. I (as an older person) tend to be blunt, but I am blunt about issues. If I told you you were clueless on how to whiggle the nipple it would not imply any judgement on your not nipple-whiggling activities, however younger colleagues tend to assume that I am judging their character. Usually some shared social activity helps - if they know me, they look at this as mild eccentricity rather than personal affront. I am just not at home with what sounds to me like evasive language. Might be similar for the OPs colleague. | |
| Aug 13, 2021 at 12:11 | comment | added | lessthanideal | .. separate point, is it possible he seems picky because he picks up on every little detail other people either don't notice or don't mention as being too trivial to be worth fixing? In that case bear in mind not everything is worth getting 100% right if it costs too much time - both he mentioning it and you considering it waste effort. In which case it's a possible flaw in his review technique you could bring up in a non-confrontational way if you think he'd be receptive to that, to find out what you both agree (with team leader input?) is worth bringing out in review and working on. | |
| Aug 13, 2021 at 12:09 | comment | added | lessthanideal | Is his feedback good and helpful and valuable? I'd much rather work with someone who is abrasive and difficult (to everyone, not just me of course) but actually, pretty good at their job (assuming - getting the job done collectively benefits us both), rather than someone very nice but pretty hopeless (unwilling or unable to be critical in code reviews in this case). You can get into a good mindset "we're both professionals here, not friends" and accept it in quite a positive way. Of course if he isn't particular good himself then that's not much use to you. ... | |
| Aug 13, 2021 at 11:30 | answer | added | Richard Hunter | timeline score: 7 | |
| Aug 13, 2021 at 9:24 | review | Suggested edits | |||
| S Aug 13, 2021 at 14:57 | |||||
| Aug 13, 2021 at 9:18 | comment | added | anotherdave | @Job_September_2020 "If yes, then it is just his style, and you should let it go as other developers do." — I was very much expecting this to end in "If yes, you could ask someone (e.g. his manager) to have a word with him about toning it down" :) It's fine for someone to be matter-of-fact (without sugar coating etc.), but if his tone gets to the point where the consensus from the whole team is that they are overly assertive, it might be that the communication issue needs to be resolved by them rather than everyone else just dealing with it. | |
| Aug 13, 2021 at 7:02 | answer | added | AnoE | timeline score: 11 | |
| Aug 13, 2021 at 2:30 | comment | added | Jared Smith | Also be aware if there is a significant age difference that there may be a generation gap. In my experience gen-x and older are usually far more comfortable with more confrontational communication styles than millenials and gen-z. | |
| Aug 13, 2021 at 1:29 | history | became hot network question | |||
| Aug 12, 2021 at 23:36 | comment | added | Anthony | Like what Mustaccio said, cultural background would be helpful here. The people from whom I have received similar feedback from tended to be from a different culture than I , half American , half Northern European | |
| Aug 12, 2021 at 20:38 | comment | added | mustaccio | Is there a difference in cultural background between you and your colleague? People in some cultures tend to be direct and terse without malice. | |
| Aug 12, 2021 at 20:19 | review | Close votes | |||
| Aug 12, 2021 at 20:58 | |||||
| Aug 12, 2021 at 19:21 | comment | added | Job_September_2020 |
@c36, Can you ask other developers to see if they also get this kind of overly-assertive feedbacks from this same coworker ? If yes, then it is just his style, and you should let it go as other developers do. But, if he only applies this overly assertive style toward you and not toward other developers, then you can be a bigger person and try to find out what the root causes really are, and resolve them in a professional and non-confrontational manner.
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| Aug 12, 2021 at 18:36 | answer | added | Matthew Gaiser | timeline score: 25 | |
| Aug 12, 2021 at 18:03 | answer | added | HenryM | timeline score: -3 | |
| Aug 12, 2021 at 18:02 | answer | added | Michael McFarlane | timeline score: 63 | |
| Aug 12, 2021 at 17:47 | comment | added | c36 | I think it's a lack of awareness for how his words come across to others. He talks the same way that he writes: blunt and to the point, without ever trying to cushion the blow (like most people do semi-automatically by virtue of their social skills). | |
| Aug 12, 2021 at 17:29 | comment | added | Michael McFarlane | What do you think the chances are that he thinks better of you (all) than he speaks? In other words, is this a matter of him being a jerk inherently, or speaking like a jerk? Tell us more about him to aid us in provide direction. | |
| Aug 12, 2021 at 17:24 | history | asked | c36 | CC BY-SA 4.0 |