How to deal with a boss who always shouts and yells at most members of his team? (Except his favourite employees of course who he is very friendly with).
We have become very sure that he enjoys intimidating us, and most of us are trying to avoid him and to keep the communication only via email as much as we can.
We have become very sure that he enjoys intimidating us
There's your problem. Stop looking scared. It's natural to feel a little uncomfortable, but your team needs to show some strength. Be as stoic looking as possible. Everyone needs to do this. Take a deep breath and relax. When he is done, it is business as usual.
Don't try to show him that you're going back to work with extra effort by looking busy trying to solve this problem. Take your time. Don't forget to breathe.
Also, make sure to be a little more attentive if he ever manages to address you in a respectful manner and put a little more effort in getting the task done as quickly as possible.
Your boss isn't a complete idiot. Your team has shown him that yelling gets results and bosses like getting results. It's up to you to shape his behavior if you ever want it to change.
Force a de-escalation. This is done by patterning the behavior you want him to follow. If he raises his voice, do not act frightened, but respond in a calm, soft voice. This demonstrates that you are the one in control. It also has the additional affect of creating a dissonance to those observing.
When someone yells, and another cowers, it appears to the observer that the person doing the yelling is justified. However, if the person being yelled at stands their ground assertively, but not aggressively, it appears to the onlooker that the yelling is unnecessary, and the one yelling looks like a fool.
Do not try to out-shout him. Remember, the goal is to change his behavior. When you speak softly, people will naturally speak more softly, or even be silent so that they can hear you. A soft voice and relaxed posture is actually a dominant stance. It shuts down a bully very quickly. Yelling back will get you disciplined, cowering reinforces the behavior, but quiet dominance will end it.
I have used this and it is very effective.
The boss's behaviour as described is clearly out of order - he's a bully, plain and simple. As he appears to be showing quite deliberate disrespect for you and selected others, approaching him directly is unlikely to be fruitful. You need to go to either HR (the preferable option) or his own boss and make them aware of the unacceptable behaviour. They probably already are aware to some degree but they also need to know it is having a damaging effect on the team.
Sadly this approach doesn't always work well. If the boss is the most senior person you have noone to pull rank on him. They may tolerate his behaviour because he's perceived as too valuable to upset or because they too are intimidated by him. Or they may condone it because they are good friends with the boss and of a similar outlook. In any of these cases, you do risk being fired as a result (though if you are fired, it may be a blessing in disguise), and your other options are to leave or put up with it. Putting up with it has the immediate advantage of keeping the pay cheques coming, but is liable to be detrimental to your mental health the longer it continues for, so I wouldn't recommend it.
