How do you respond to a colleague from another team when they're wrongly expecting that you'll help them?

Question

Disclaimer: I've had this problem sometime back but want to find out whats a good way to handle it. Hence I'm posting this now because I feel that this might be a common situation.

Here's the situation. There is a Team X. They share some hardware that our team also works on.

They're trying to create a setup for their own product and kinda struggling with it. It's none of my business, but I know that they are struggling.

Because I know they're struggling I started asking them about how their work is going. And in response to that they started pinging me more and more, asking for various details related to that hardware. This kept increasing in frequency.

But over time their queries have changed to things related to their own product + setup problems surrounding it (which luckily I can figure out fast). While asking the question they mostly make it to sound like its somehow be related to the hardware, but it is actually not. I help them anyhow. But this eats up my own time and my own project is very hectic.

In other words, they tell me their problem and I google, brainstorm, troubleshoot, figure out and give them a solution (stuff which I think they should be doing themselves). And what follows is a surprise. They start throwing their technical problems at me one after another. There's no "please", or "thank you". In fact, it appears like they're speaking to me as if it's my job to solve their problems.

In the ongoing discussions I get the impression that they've started expecting me to figure out solutions for them rather than them searching for their own solutions. I'm good at problem solving and that is the basis on which I've been helping them out so far. And I've been spending extra time in order to help them out.

I feel that this team throws their problems at me without any regard to my own workload or time and wrongly expect that it's my duty to help them out. The lack of gratitude, acknowledgement and instead phrases like "okay let's work on this tomorrow" make me want to back off from helping them.

How can I communicate that I just went out of my way to help them, that it wasn't my responsibility, that they took my help for granted and that I will not be helping them again tomorrow without making it confrontational?

Answer 1

It's sad but true: people take the path of least resistance and effort needed.

If the repeated requests are taking up your work time in a way that makes completing your own work difficult, please be firm and straight about it and push back. Say something like:

"Hey listen, I understand you got this problem, but I have this other assignment which is expected out of me. If you feel you are really stuck and can't progress without some help, why don't you talk to your boss about the help you needed? I'm sure (s)he will understand and make the necessary arrangements for you to get help. In case I am the chosen one, I'll be glad to discuss the same with my boss and have the assignments allocated accordingly. Till then, I really need to get back to what I was doing, thanks."

The case sounds like, they just want to use you and your expertise for "free", without investing any effort from their side. The moment you bring up the point to make it official, you'll see either

• They will stop asking for help every now and then and try to revert to doing the trials at least.

• or, in case they already tried, they will make it an official request, for which you'll be assigned the work officially.

Answer 2

Ask your manager what he or she wants you to do.

Obviously helping out another team is going to take time, particularly if they have an ongoing set of problems. It's going to cut into whatever else you are working on. It's your manager's job to decide whether you should take that time or not.

Talk to your manager, without bringing up the attitude of the other team or the other manager. Just lay it out... you've spent this amount of time so far, you think it will take this much more time, and likely there will be additional issues that will require more time. Should you break off what you are working on and help out the other team?

Your manager gets to decide, and is also up to date on how the schedule is impacted. And if the answer is "no", your manager is the one who talks to the other team's manager and lets them know you aren't available.

Answer 3

"Sorry, I'm busy with task X"

Don't elaborate. You want to keep the conversation firmly grounded in the current reality and avoid any comments that give credence to the idea that you might be in some way involved in their project (e.g. "I don't want to help this person who could use google" implies that you could or should help them).

If you are later accused of being unhelpful then stick to this line. Don't refuse to help, just say that you tried to help but felt obliged to prioritise your own work. i.e. to do the thing you were told to do.

Ultimately you might be tasked with babysitting the person but you can and should make them go through formal channels to request the babysitting.

Answer 4

I would take a couple approaches at the same time:

1. First, teach her to find her own answers. This may seem odd and "not my job" but it's a way to help others help themselves and take some of the burden off of you to fix all their problems. Ask questions like, "What did you find when you googled that error message?", "Have you googled how to configure X?", etc. Given time, that will train others that you expect that before they ask you a question, they will do at least some initial research and won't receive help from you until they do.

2. Second, put the responsibility back on her and explain (briefly) why.

   When I helped you before, I had hoped to offer a few quick tips to get you unstuck. I'm sorry I can't be more help but I haven't been tasked by my manager to help with your project and don't have more time to spend on it without my manager's approval.

At this point I think you can go a few ways, you can 1. approach your manager to ask for time to help, 2. put it back on her to ask your manager if you can help her, or 3. just leave it there.

If she persists, talk to your manager. Explain your initial attempts to help but that you don't have the kind of time to spend on a regular, ongoing basis to help her. That said... be prepared for your manager to say to help her. In that case I would stick to #1 but help after a reasonable effort has been put into finding a solution.

Answer 5

This is a case where corporate bureaucracy can be your friend.

Them: How do I check if a file exists?

You: Great question. If you need our team's input, create a Task in Company Task App so my manager can put it in my queue. Thanks!

Answer 6

At the end she says "I'm going to bug you again tomorrow".

Response:

Actually I'm going to be pretty busy tomorrow. I've been happy to help out so far but maybe you should talk to $Boss about getting some more assistance? I kinda need to focus on my own work now! Sorry…

This is deliberately tailored for the scenario you describe, and I wouldn't use it except that they've started bugging you frequently, with evidence that they've stopped really bothering to try to solve things on their own (right down to the declarative, and frankly entitled nature of their parting line). It's fine to be firm and to push back. And if that feels unfair, just remind yourself that you're also helping them in the long run.

I'd also casually mention what's been going on to your own manager, not by way of complaining, but by way of laying the groundwork in case the colleague doesn't stop and you have to bring in the heavy guns later on. Though this suggestion depends: if my manager were trigger-happy and I got the impression this might get the colleague into trouble or otherwise cause more of a reaction than necessary, I'd consider just keeping it to myself for the time being. After all, you don't have to report every workplace conversation to your manager, until it's genuinely become a problem.

Answer 7

I faced the quite same situation, and I'd like to share how I get out of it.

At first, I got asked for questions from time to time. Later, I became the "automatic" question solver man. Since this situation installed gradually, I started gradually pushing it back:

Step 1: Delay my (too many) answers

• "I can't check with you now, but you can get back later. Can you please come back at ...?"
• "I may have a solution... I'll get back to you later."
• "Can you please send me an email with details X and Y. I'll reply back."

Step 2: Re-orient towards another problem solver

• "The document 'XXX' has exactly your answer. Check page 7..."
• "Let's check together. This web search engine spits out quite interesting links. What about you checking this result or this other one?"
• "I'm sorry. Please see with person Z (or service Z). They know this subject better than me."

Step 3: Give a clear push back (to the insisting askers)

• "I don't know."
• "I don't have a clue."
• Check your head quickly from left to right as "no-no".

This last action gets the last insisting askers out.

Answer 8

You have indicated that multiple people on another team have been floundering for days on a problem and that you could, in a day, resolve their setup issue.

The right thing to do is to help them. It will, eventually, unlock their productivity and help your organization as a whole.

That said, yes, I agree it was not right for them to take an entitled attitude with you, and they should NOT expect unlimited ad-hoc help from you whenever they request it.

I totally disagree, however, with some other other answers and comments that each team has their work and that you should "cut them off". The proper thing to do, is to put a structure and limits on your labor to help them. This may mean management needs to be involved and that both you and the other team need to formalize the arrangement.

I know folks on Stack Exchange sites like the Stack Overflow philosophy that dismisses questioning and knowledge-seeking without some very high standard of prior-proof-of-work demanded of the asker. But that's not how workplaces actually function.

You're paid, they're paid, and the organization needs work done. If you refuse helping them and it is later discovered that they burned months of time doing something that you could have helped clear up in hours, that will reflect badly upon you more than them.

Answer 9

All of the above answers have been a "hold the high ground," but for someone who demands your help and gives nothing back, they will have a higher chance of eventually taking credit for your work too. The best outcome is for them to leave the company or group.

Approach 1 - Their Boss Gets Mad

The passive aggressive, highly competitive response is to provide answers that are wrong, unproductive, or will make them look stupid. If they are thinking about the problem and call you out on it right there, then treat them to an overpriced coffee^[1] and talk about help being a two-way street.

If they blindly take your deliberately bad advice, because they are in over their head only to fail, they will cast the blame on you for sabotaging them. If it's known that you have helped in the past, they will still blame you for their failure. If possible, you need to deny ever providing any substantial help at all, because you have clear direction to focus on your task, even though this may be a lie.

Approach 2 - Your Boss Gets Mad

Alternatively, you can start to tell your boss that they have been trying to sabotage your work because you refuse to sacrifice your project schedule. This is lying, but moves the focus back to the other employee. It also gives you a chance to be creative at work.

Discussion

Both cases assume that management on both sides lacks the backbone to resolve this problem, a situation I see frequently.

I don't personally have the stomach for either approach as it goes against my ethos, but book and TV script authors^[2] seem to think that these things work. I would probably end up complaining to HR that this individual is creating a hostile work environment. A competent HR manager should recognize as a threat of lawsuit brewing and work down through senior management.

But narcissistic and belligerent people can be unwilling to change and must ultimately be evicted; make them cost the company money or embarrassment if management lacks the courage to do the right thing early.

Or, you can read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Learn. Apply.

_{[1.] This is a psychology trick to incur a social debt which can simply be repaid by the individual learning to be grateful. When they learn to show gratitude, another psychology trick kicks in and they will learn to respect your time.
[2.] The TV show Billions comes to mind.}