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One of my colleague was insulting me, making fun of me for no reason. In anger, I snubbed him and told him to get lost. From that day we have not talked. Its been 3 years now. I do not desire to change my job or office. I prefer to make this situation work. But for 3 years, he has been spreading rumors about me and my personal relations.

His teammates/friends laugh at me, seems like always making jokes at my expense, and always looking at me with hatred and finding ways to hurt me. It appears that they have said something very ugly/hurtful about me, and now people have stopped talking to me and they don't even smile or greet me anymore.

I am very disturbed when I see him, but for my peace of mind, I want to end this enmity.

What is the best way to repair my professional relationship with my colleague?

marked as duplicate by Draken, scaaahu, JasonJ, Masked Man, Jim G. Nov 24 '17 at 8:48

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    "How can i deal with this as a professional?" - I assume you are also grown up adult man so you should just carry on with this. Don't know why you waited 3 years before solving this! As long as this does not prevent you from doing your job you should just plain ignore it. It is unprofessional from his part... don't let this get into you. – DarkCygnus Nov 20 '17 at 17:34
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  • This has been going on for 3 years? Perhaps you could edit your question to provide a couple of examples of this behaviour. – Tas Nov 21 '17 at 1:38
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    Do you know for sure that he has been spreading rumours about you and that people hate you because of those rumours, or are you just guessing? – Masked Man Nov 21 '17 at 10:31
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First, you need to gather facts. Have a quick, professional 1-on-1 chat with each person who appears to show negative attitude toward you or make fun of you. Tell them you have noticed what appears to be impolite attitude/behavior on their part toward you and ask them if your perception is correct and if so, what is causing it, or if you have done anything to cause it.

Document their responses with a date and time of conversation and as precise notes of specifically what you asked and what they replied as possible.

Also, start a journal (keep it private and secure!) of these behaviors on the part of others. Make sure to document date/time and location, who, what, and how.

Once you have a record which demonstrates a recurring pattern of negative attitude or behavior over some time (say, 1-2 months), done one of the following:

  1. Study company policy about workplace conduct. I am sure there are policies in place which require professional, courteous, polite behavior among employees. There may be some kind of 'zero tolerance' policy regarding hate/abuse etc. Keep in mind, psychological abuse is a form of violence and is most definitely against official company policy for employee conduct.

With policy and your documented notes in hand, schedule a meeting with your manager, provide this information, and explain that this is only the recent fraction of a much longer-term pattern which you feel is creating a negative/toxic work environment and impacting your well-being and job performance.

Tell the manager you feel strongly that you are experiencing what amounts to a form of verbal/psychological abuse which violates company policy. Request immediate corrective action to remedy this situation.

Make sure to convey that you are very serious about this and will escalate and consider legal action unless this is addressed promptly and effectively. Sometimes you need to light a fire under management's a$$ to get results, and it sounds like that time is long overdue for this situation.

  1. If there is a union at your workplace that you are a part of, then before you do #1, schedule a meeting with your union representative and have the same discussion you would have had with your manager in #1.

Tell them this must end and that you are looking for support in resolving this situation as quickly and effectively as possible, and that you will escalate this to HR and upper management if needed. Union reps are on your side, and they can and will provide substantial assistance in such situation.

Your goal is for this to end ASAP, so do what it takes. Good luck!

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