I'm in a predicament and friends give me either biased or "yes-man" advice.

I work for a fairly large company and have done on and off for years. I recently started studying for an online degree and thanks to the help of people at Vice President level of the company have been given a job in my chosen profession before the end of my studies. It's a complete transition, like nothing at all to do with what I was doing, and I'm incredibly grateful to them for helping me. I think I'm doing a decent job, and have had a few notable successes so far.

The problem? My boss. She's very nice, but I would struggle to explain her behaviour in a complimentary fashion to anyone. It just has to be experienced to be believed. Her favourite past-time is reading aloud as she types (badly), screaming guttural noises at her computer screen and writing illegible notes on scrap paper.

I've been very stressed recently. Twice in particular, both after she had been absent for a while, I stressed out so much I either got very emotional and panicked or couldn't sleep for the whole night. Her management style is completely maladapted to my personality and her own stress management is something that I can't stand. I have high blood pressure for the first time, have put on considerable weight and am too exhausted to study or work out. She likes to manage by embarassment and comparison, in her own words "I've had my fair share of humiliation and now it's my turn to humiliate you". Today's problem was expressed in front of a colleague. The problem with my file "couldn't possibly have come" from the original document. However, upon expecting the original document, it appears I wasn't wrong. She was. This happens frequently. My brain gets frazzled easily, and I need to address that.

This has really got me thinking about how I continue. I'm currently in a 6 month trial period ending in February. It sounds like their gearing up to make my appointment permanent, but her behaviour is making me question whether I should go back to my old job. Or talk to my mentor and her superior about being placed with a different manager in the same division? I don't want to let down the people that helped me, but am not sure I can withstand her management on an open ended basis.

I have come up with two options so far:

1) Put up and shut up. See if the situation gets better and know I'm not risking a hard earned promotion to just go back to my old job.

2) Speak with the Vice President who placed me there in the first place. Explain my issues in a professional manner, but risk sounding ungrateful and go back to my old job.

Which one would you do? Or do you have an alternative?

closed as off-topic by paparazzo, Dukeling, Mister Positive, gnat, scaaahu Jan 13 at 6:22

This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave these specific reasons:

  • "Questions require a goal that we can address. Rather than explaining the difficulties of your situation, explain what you want to do to make it better. For more information, see this meta post." – Dukeling, Mister Positive, scaaahu
  • "Questions asking for advice on a specific choice, such as what job to take or what skills to learn, are difficult to answer objectively and are rarely useful for anyone else. Instead of asking which decision to make, try asking how to make the decision, or for more specific details about one element of the decision. (More information)" – paparazzo, gnat
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • 4
    Your question is very, very broad. I will suggest you consider your health first. A bad manager can make your life hell, as it appears this one has. – Mister Positive Jan 12 at 19:14
  • Are the down votes for the breadth of my question? – Dan Jan 12 at 21:13
  • @Dan, if you're able to restrict the question to just one part of the problem. You've mentioned a few things: how the boss handles their own problems, how the boss manages your failings, what the impact on your own health is etc. Can you filter all those things down into one point? You've got an interesting situation, so having a more specific question would be fun to answer, I'm sure. – TankorSmash Dec 9 at 20:49

For your mental and physical health sake, talk to your Mentor first about your anxiety and stress. Ask if you can move to a different department or under a different group.

Be soft with your words and don't come off as ranting. You can let them know that on a personal level, you don't get a long with the management style and approaches that your boss makes and because you love this work, it's causing these health problems. You can provide examples on how its affecting you but make sure you don't come off as having a personal rant attack of your manager.

If there is no choice for you but to work with your current manager, my advice is to look for another job while working there. I believe you should put your health as your first priority. This job isn't worth it. I hope you find one that's close to your dream job that's a positive to your health.

  • 2
    Great answer. A healthy body and a healthy mind can achieve anything. T – Talbot Clifton Jan 12 at 20:20

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