I am currently a Software Engineering apprentice, I am through 1 of 4 years at a company doing development where I'm supposed to be learning as I go.
However, I am not performing/improving at all. Or if so at an incredibly slow rate compared to other apprentices, things aren't clicking with me or if they do they take an extraordinary amount of effort to understand (days).
This is really affecting my mental health as I consider myself a fairly normal person who is intelligent. Yet I am going nowhere. My concerns are:
- I'm not 'cut out' to be an engineer/programmer after having a good grasp on the basics and theory knowledge but barely producing any work unless I have lots of help on simple things.
- That I don't deserve to be in the job I'm in because there are people (feels like everyone) who are natural programmers/engineers and they would thrive in this position whereas I am pretty much a waste of company money as far as my output is concerned.
- That because of this, I have chosen the wrong career (I know nothing different and love computing and software) and therefore won't even be worth entry level positions in companies once I finish my apprenticeship.
This is haunting me everyday to the point where I just want to cry at my desk or I'm losing routine and control in my life outside of work in regards to not caring about my responsibilities because I feel like I'm not going anywhere.
Does my current state make me eligible for counselling with it being related to my career, if I do get this counselling is there any obligation for my employer to co-operate with the schedule of said counselling? I am 18 years old and have a heavy focus on my career and finances (I don't go out partying etc). With this being the one thing in life I'm focused on and not going well at all I'm trying to seek professional help to sort it.