I recently moved to a new job as Software Developer. The technology is exciting and I love the work that I am doing. It has been 3 months, but I feel I am not able to fit into the people in the company.

There are 7 other developers and almost all of them have been in the company for at least 20 years (Except one who was hired 8 years ago and that includes my manager. No one in my age range. They are at least 15 yrs older than me).

I eat my lunch alone while others go for a group lunch. No discussions outside of work stuff. I really feel like a misfit. I usually sit there in my desk doing my work and have little conversations outside of work. I try to mingle by joining conversations voluntarily, self inviting for the lunch, bring up some topic to speak with them every morning, asking their advice about the area etc

In my previous jobs, I used to stay late at the office and do lots of extra work and I was really motivated to do that. Now I just finish the tasks that is given to me as early as I can and look forward to leave work place as early as I can. And the management is perfectly fine with it as long as I finish the task given to me.

While I like the work that I am doing, this thing is really bothering me that it will impact me in the long term and any help to handle this situation would be really welcome. What steps or strategies could I implement to better fit into the dynamics of the team?

  • Also, have you tried going out for lunch with them? What else have you tried to "fit in", so we can suggest alternatives?
    – DarkCygnus
    May 17, 2018 at 22:13
  • Yes. I have tried. I join random conversations voluntarily, I volunteer to drive for lunch, bring up some topic to speak with them every morning, asking their advice about the area etc. But it usually ends there. Next time I would have to start all over again. May 17, 2018 at 22:39
  • 1
    When you volunteer to drive for lunch, or express interest in joining them, what do they say? Do they accept or decline/reject your request? Have in mind that building personal relationships takes time, sometimes more than 3 months...
    – DarkCygnus
    May 17, 2018 at 22:40
  • 1
    @DarkCygnus Usually it would end like I go with them that time and definitely have a good time. But the next time, it ends up the same way that i had to go and ask them to take me with them again. May 18, 2018 at 0:04

2 Answers 2


You're the "new guy". The chances are that there have been previous "new guys" before you so the team simply won't bother getting to know you that much.

It's going to take time getting yourself fully integrated (I'm still a "new guy" after being at my job for 3 years), more new guys following you will help you rise up the hierarchy.

You just have to wait things out and be cool about it, keep doing what you're doing. However, working to rule might not be helping you - it might be seen as you being resentful, or a lack of commitment, or that you'd much rather work elsewhere. Giving the impression that you care about the job/company will probably help you.


Generally with a team with such established dynamics it would be expected it might take some time to fit in.

Don't forget these guys are probably like family by now and you're a bit of an outsider. I'd be careful how you approach this. If you get too chummy too quickly you might get put back in your place real quick.

Remember why you are there and stick to that.

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