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I would like to know how to get out of a carpool agreement I already made with a coworker, or, how to charge her some money.

For the past two weeks or so, I have been picking her up at a highway and leaving her at the same place. Travel wise, it doesn't bother me to carpool her...I just don't enjoy her company and would rather be on my own in my car. I hate having to inform someone at what time I might be passing by and at what time I might be leaving.

I work far away from home, and gas is a mayor expense. I was thinking that maybe I should ask her to give me what she stopped spending on public transportation, so I can at least benefit from the agreement I can't seem to get out of.

PD: she is a tremendous gossip with influence (one of the reasons I don't want to carpool her) and talking to her about this situation should be done carefully.

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    Which is most important? Time alone or money? Your arguments will be stronger if you only make one point to her, and if time alone (or, at least, without her) is what you're really looking for, money isn't going to help.
    – ItWasLikeThatWhenIGotHere
    Jun 25, 2018 at 7:11
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    "...so I can at least benefit from the agreement I can't seem to get out of." Why is this an agreement you can't get out of? It sounds like there is more to this story than what was written.
    – Dan
    Jun 25, 2018 at 15:01
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    What you're describing doesn't really sound like a 'carpool' to me. In a traditional 'carpool' multiple people with cars pool together and take one car, with some sort of schedule deciding on who's car, so that the driving and expenses are split somewhat evenly amongst the pool of people. What you're doing is just giving someone a lift, with all of the responsibilities of a carpool and none of the benefits.
    – brhans
    Jun 25, 2018 at 15:18
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    @brhans That should be an answer...no idea why it this is one sided, why the OP cannot put an end to it.
    – Rui F Ribeiro
    Jun 25, 2018 at 21:07
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    Can you specify how you rolled into this 'carpool'? Did one of you propose it, is it something an external force proposed and you sort of went along with it...depending on that the answer may be different
    – Cronax
    Jun 27, 2018 at 12:06

3 Answers 3

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If it were me, I'd attribute it to my introversion (and it would be true), and say something like,

"Hey, [coworker], I have to be honest: This carpooling is making things tough on me. It's not anything you've said or done. It's just that I'm an introvert, and after a long day dealing with people at the workplace, I need some time alone to recharge. And for that matter, having time alone on the way in helps as well. I'd like for us to stop carpooling after this week. I hope you can understand."

(Of course, the "It's not anything you've said or done" may be an out-and-out lie, but the important thing is to get out of the arrangement without hurting her feelings.)

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  • I'd be wary of providing such a long (and personal) explanation. OP is not required (by law, etiquette or professionalism) to give an explanation (beyond "personal reasons"). It's nice to give an explanation if the other side is nice to you, but if the passenger is a difficult person (as alluded by OP) it might be more prudent to keep it short, to avoid discussion and gossip - just stick to "sorry, I was glad to help you, but I cannot take you along regularly, that does not work for me".
    – sleske
    Nov 29, 2018 at 10:52
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You can probably check how much the tax office in your country allows you to deduct from tax for your car travel to work, or how much employers are expected to pay for every mile of car travel in your private car. For example, in the UK this would be 45 pence per mile.

The expectation is that if two people share and only one drives and has the cost of car, fuel, insurance, maintenance and so on, then the other person would pay half of that amount. If three share, then the other two each pay one third. That way, the cost is shared fairly.

If cost of transport to and from work is tax deductible in your country, then you are expected to subtract that from your tax deduction, and the others can deduct their payments as cost of travel.

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Ok- here's the thing: what you describe is not a carpool.

A carpool exists to provide some sort of benefit to all of the parties involved in the pool.
In many carpools, multiple participants have cars, and some kind of schedule is agreed to to determine who's car is used, what the route should be, etc.

This doesn't preclude the car-less from participating in a carpool, but those who are unable or unwilling to use their own car for the benefit of the carpool are still responsible for contributing in another way - typically by paying towards the costs of those who's cars are used.

Now - you need to decide what you actually want.
You first write that you

just don't enjoy her company and would rather be on my own in my car

but then later on

maybe I should ask her to give me what she stopped spending on public transportation, so I can at least benefit from the agreement

If you think that you can tolerate this person, as well as the responsibility of participating in a carpool ("having to inform someone at what time I might be passing by and at what time I might be leaving"), then it would be perfectly reasonable of you to ask for a contribution towards your costs. A carpool is not supposed to be a free ride for one of the participants.

If, on the other hand, you decide that you just don't want to share a ride with this person then you shouldn't feel that you're under some sort of obligation to them - remember, what you currently have is not a carpool.

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    "you need to decide what you actually want" - this. Actually, it's surprising how many questions on this site this phrase applies to.
    – sleske
    Nov 29, 2018 at 10:50

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