Extremely rude follow-up email from CEO [closed]

Question

I work as a researcher for a startup company. We are into research and I report to my CTO. The company consists of a handful people.

I required three letters from my CEO and emailed him three weeks back. I hadn’t got it until last week and I asked him in person, he said he’ll give it in two days, and I can feel free to text him anytime and “not feel shy”.

I reminded him on Friday. Exact email:

XXX CEO,
Gentle reminder regarding the 3 documents.
Regards, Myself.

His response:

Stop these reminders, (Myself). You are on my list. I am very busy.

Today morning (8am) he sent an email with two of the three documents (only the documents, nothing else mentioned about the third document), and I first of all thanked him and reminded him about the third document (at 9am).

This was his response which shocked me (at 9:09am):

YOU ARE GETTING ON MY BLOODY NERVES.

I AM F**ING WORKING ON YOUR DOCUMENT.

I DON'T NEED TO BE COACHED OR REMINDED.

At 9:18am, he sent the third document.

1. Is this professional? I have been in the industry since four years and have never got emails like these. Is it how it is everywhere?
2. What should my reply be?
3. Am I wrong for reminding him?

Edit:

He had not mentioned anything about the third document, and hence I waited for an hour (8am - 9am today) to receive the third document (after the first two were sent). Atleast a reply like "Yes, I'm working on it" would have been enough. I don't deserve to be spoken to like this by anyone; my parents themselves never spoke to me in this manner, ever.

Office culture: I hardly talk to the CEO. Nobody here uses any such language, not even close to what he said in the e-mail. My manager is the one I report to. All my other colleagues are normal and definitely respectful. I am the only female worker (shouldn't matter in this case though).

I definitely want to show to him that I don't encourage such exchange of words with me, to make sure it doesn't happen in future.

Update:

The manager was cc-ed on this thread of emails. I love my work here, and I’m staying in this company only because of the work and my manager. Also, the CEO just sent an SMS message saying:

in future, please try to avoid sending excessive reminders, ...... etc.

Edit:

Thanks a lot for all of your suggestions. I did not reply to the text SMS message yet. Although I did reply to his email when he in which he shared the third document, with a simple “Thank you”. I was very frustrated and would have definitely reacted impulsively. All of your suggestions helped me calm down and not harm my current job. I do not intend to reply to his SMS. I hope I’m doing the right thing.

My CEO is always prompt in his responses and work. I am not complaining about receiving the documents late, all I’m concerned about is the language used at workplace. I am completely against this kind of behaviour and conversation with me.

Answer 1

This is unacceptable workplace behaviour, and not something OP should have to put up with or apologise over. The fact that it's coming from a CEO just makes it worse - the head of (and probably the public face of) a company should absolutely know better.

Nothing from the OP's account of events suggests that they're at fault. If someone sent me two letters when I was expecting three, I'd also send back a quick email saying something like "Thanks! Don't forget the last one!" or "Do you have an ETA for the third?"

Nobody should have to walk on eggshells when sending routine follow-up emails to co-workers or their boss (especially when they've been waiting three weeks already).

OP mentions this is a tech startup. I've seen a lot of tech startups with young and inexperienced CEOs. If this is the case here, OP apologising may just give the impression that it's ok to treat other employees like this.

My advice is to tackle the issue - approach your boss and ask them to speak to the CEO, explaining calmly and politely that neither you nor any other employee should be spoken to that way.

Based on your update, that SMS from the CEO is not an apology, and worse, it's extremely manipulative.

You did not send excessive reminders. You did what any normal person would do, especially after being kept waiting for three weeks. They are trying to shift the blame to you. This was not your fault.

Getting employees the materials that they need is one of the firm's needs. You did not ask for anything unreasonable.

Working 18 hour days is not a reason to lash out at employees, it's a sign of someone who doesn't know how to properly delegate work or manage a company (i.e. someone who should not be anyone's boss).

They're trying to downplay their appalling behaviour with this string of flimsy excuses which make you seem like the instigator. If you don't push back against this now, this person will think they can get away with this again and again.

The CTO being CC'd doesn't mean they'll act. They may not have even read the emails. If you want something done about this, you need to initiate it yourself. As your manager, they have a duty to follow-up on this if you report it. Nobody should have to work in this kind of toxic environment.

Answer 2

Is this professional? I have been in the industry since four years and have never got emails like these. Is it how it is everywhere?

No, this reply is not professional nor respectful at all.

This shouldn't be tolerated or practiced in any workplace or professional environment.

Am I wrong for reminding him?

No, there is nothing wrong in reminding him.

If any, perhaps you were a bit more insistent than you could, so perhaps next time try to wait longer before sending any reminders or follow-ups.

What should my reply be?

Replying back to that chain of emails would surely be awkward (and perhaps cause more problems); I would not recommend it.

A better approach could be to thank him for the documents in person next time you see him, and politely apologize for your "insistence".

As he was the one being rude here, you apologizing should make him reconsider and most likely accept your apology, and give one back to you for the rudeness of his response. Everyone happy again :)

Now, if he does not apologize back don't take it personally. Some people have a hard time accepting they were wrong, but you would have done the right thing and put a stop to this situation.

---

Clarification per comments: I suggested OP apologized for their own insistence... not to take blame or apologize for the CEO's unprofessional behavior, which is something the CEO should be apologizing for.

Yes, the CEO said to "feel free to text him anytime"... but he also clearly asked OP to "Stop these reminders, OP. You are on my list. I am very busy."... for which OP insisted on reminding despite the request. This is why I suggest to apologize for the insistence.

Answer 3

No doubt, the mail was the super-rude response of an overloaded person - however, the second reply "Stop these reminders" - is an unambiguous red flag for you to not proceed with the reminders (despite the earlier message "don't be shy" - later instructions supersede earlier ones). Especially after 2 documents arrived, CEO made clear he is working on them.

Further reminders after the second mail were unwise. Now lay low and let it pass.

Answer 4

This situation is one that is more a consideration of what you should do with the company than a question of how do you respond to a CEO. A few points that need to be considered:

1. A good leader will never, and I do mean never, lose their temper at a subordinate without apology. Anything short of this and the person is showing that they are not the stuff good leaders are made of. You didn't do anything wrong here, he did.

2. Just because you are filling a different role in the company than a CEO, that doesn't mean that the C level people automatically get a pass on bad behavior. What would he say if you had written that email to him?

3. This is not only about you and him, this is about how much you like your job there at the company. The only risk you face by mentioning this behavior to him or others (your boss the CTO) in the company is that you will make an enemy and possibly loose your job. Does he have the power to do that? If so, you have to decide if you want to continue in an environment that would fire the victim instead of solve the problem. If you like your job there and want to avoid conflict, then find a way to apologize in public about your insensitivity to his workload and that you will work hard to never get an angry email from him again. You have to let him know one way or another that his actions are not OK, and that you did notice him being inappropriate. He, as the C level employee, has to be bigger than that.

4. If you say nothing because you like your job, you will likely find that you are constantly abused by him. He will continue to treat you like this because you will continue to let him. No consequence for him means no behavior change. This will likely result in a toxic environment for you and you will quit anyways, feeling beat down and unsure of yourself because of the abuse you have taken.

Personally, I would just forward the email exchange to your boss and let him take care of it. Little chance of confrontation that results in you getting fired. I might put a note in there asking your boss if the CEO writes emails like that to him/her.

Answer 5

First of all, that Email from your CEO was extremely rude and does not belong in a professional environment.

That being said after he said on Friday that he was working on it and sending you two of the letters on Monday morning at 8am, your reminder was unnecessary.

I consider myself a very cool and chill guy, but receiving that reminder I would have THOUGHT: "Dude! What do you think I'm working on right now!?"

I would now thank him for the letters the next time you see him in person (without being sarcastic!). Probably he will apologize for his email.

Answer 6

My answer is based on the assumption that when the CEO emailed two of the three documents, he/she mentions/implies working or in the process of working on the third.

You told the CEO that you need three documents from him. He/She acknowledged this in the meeting and said you can email him anytime. On the first reminder email, his response can be taken as rude or neutral because he said he don't need a reminder and that he acknowledge that you need three documents and that he is working on those documents. His response might just be blunt and to the point.

He gave you two of the three documents, and it is unknown what his response is when he gave you that email. If he implied or said that he knows there is a third document, then your response might be excessive or taken as rude on your part. If he assumes he gave you all the documents, you can reply with a question on where the third document is. Something like, "CEO, Thank you. Did you mean you are working on the third document? If so, apologies for the question but wanted to make sure."

With that said, I would say nothing at all unless there is some requirement that you never mentioned in the face to face meeting or if the document is missing items. The fact that he first told you to stop sending reminders, that absolutely would make anyone upset but his response might be a bit over the top. I would simply not reply any longer since he acknowledges he's working on the third document and unless there is a hard deadline that passed, I would drop it.

Answer 7

Let's dissect what happened:

1. You were given direct permission to text him anytime and "not feel shy". Your first email was acting on this.
2. He then changed his mind and told you to stop the reminders. And you did just that.
3. He sent you an email with what looked like an obvious mistake: a 3rd document missing without explanation. What you've sent was not "a reminder". It was a follow-up. A necessary proof that you've received, read and understood the email. It's quite common in workplace that not asking for something missing means that you're accepting the given set "as is", so in future it will be your fault for not following up.
4. He lashed out at you for nothing but you doing your job right. As I said, the email with 2 documents without explaining what's going on with 3rd one looked like an obvious mistake, so your CEO was wrong not only with the form, but also factually wrong. "I DON'T NEED TO BE COACHED OR REMINDED." - it looks like he forgot the 3rd document. Facts show that he actually needs to be reminded.
5. He finally sent you an SMS. It was not an apology. It was merely further scolding: "avoid sending excessive reminders" - you've sent ONE reminder. How excessive is that? "I understand the urgency on Your part" - He either doesn't understand or he "forgot" to show it. Intentions are of little relevance, what's important is what one displays. He offered you neither the completed work nor an explanation how it's going. "I work for 18 hours per day" - excuses, excuses, excuses. Professional thing to do is not to lash out in the first place, not offer excuses why you did.

So, to answer your questions:

Is this professional? I have been in the industry since four years and have never got emails like these. Is it how it is everywhere?

No, never. It's not professional at all. However, assholes can happen sometimes, so it's quite often that you have to chose between love for your job and hate for your boss. It's your decision that nobody can help you with. Perfect jobs don't exist, it's only the question of what imperfections YOU can live with.

What should my reply be?

It depends what you want to achieve. If you want to keep working there, don't reply at all (an excuse for you: "he's too busy to be bothered"). To minimize your stress in the future, flatly refuse to deal with CEO at all. If there is something you need from him, route it through your boss. If anyone tells you to get something from your CEO, keep repeating "I can't" without further explanation. Strictly avoid any bad mouthing of your CEO, just steer clear of him. If he asks you about why you're avoiding him, you can replay something like: "I didn't liked our email discussion. Let's never do it again."

If you want to hold your ground, you can try to walk through your exchange with him and explain that you did nothing wrong, as seen from your position. Something like what what I did above (leaving out the parts when he needs to be coached, obviously). Mind you, that it probably won't do anything but to satisfy your moral compass, as IMHO it won't change the guy. It might make him reconsider messing up with you in the future, but most likely he'll never let you talk it through, excusing with being "too busy", or he won't pay attention and brush it off.

If you are prepared to quit with a blast, you can reply in the same way: GUESS WHAT, YOU ARE GETTING ON MY BLOODY NERVES TOO. IT'S NOT IN MY F**NG JOB DESCRIPTION TO DEAL WITH ASSHOLES! IF YOU CAN'T CALM YOUR NERVES ENOUGH TO TALK TO PEOPLE CALMLY THAN YOU CAN'T HAVE EMPLOYEES, YOU OBVIOUSLY NEED SOME SERIOUS COACHING ON THAT.

Am I wrong for reminding him?

No. If you didn't, you'd be risking never receiving the documents but receiving the blame for not reminding him instead.

Answer 8

Completely agree that no, he's in the wrong, and you did nothing wrong.

One other option not said in the other answers so far, is to cut all contact with the CEO for these matters, and let the CTO handle him. When the CTO replies and says "why don't you want to, you did last time" explain in detail and show the emails why; and explain that you've no intention to be abused. (And I recommend using that word; it highlights exactly what you think of the situation)

This WILL filter up; and you can expect the CEO to either accept it and be happy with the new situation, or to feel incensed that you feel that he was unprofessional - and try to convince you otherwise; and at that point you can tell him that if he replied in good time you wouldn't need to send him reminders; he could delegate the signing to the CTO; etc etc.

There is nothing wrong in not dealing with people who don't want you to deal with them, and trying to blame you for their bad time keeping is not acceptable.

Answer 9

"Stop these reminders, (Myself). You are on my list. I am very busy." Is where things should have stopped, reminders and the CEO with the audacious responses.

The CEO made explicitly clear here that its on their mind. What they unknowingly did here was give you a get out clause, a solid reason for who ever needed these documents to be silenced should they come chasing them. A passive prompt I think would have been ok here. A "Thank you, I look forward to seeing the last one" email so it comes across as a passive reminder rather than a direct one.

However, their response was just flat out unprofessional. A calm, collect and constructive while being authoritative and professional response would have suffice, and got the message across further that it was on his to do list. Lashing out is just unprofessional and childlike.

The text they also sent you was also completely unprofessional, the CEO is trying to shift the blame to you as KevLoughrey said. And trying to justify his response to themselves and to you which was unjust.

I would mention it to your line manager and detail what happened and get them to escalate the issue. Having back up is always a good thing.

But the response from the CEO no matter how infuriating they found it was incredibly rude, and in some places line managers would be facing a disciplinary for that behaviour.

For the time being avoid contact with the CEO and lay low from him/her to allow it to settle. If you have to contact the CEO, loop in your line manager to all emails and communications with them so they are aparty to whats going on too so if needs be they can back you up.

Answer 10

No it is not professional but you may have stumbled on an opportunity here. If he has set that precedent of direct and honest communication, you can act the same.

It is hard to know what the guy is like, he may just be a jerk, but if you can deal with him on the same level and he doesn't mind, great things could happen.

Next time he reminds you, send something similar back.