How do I nicely tell co-workers that I would not like to have a retirement dinner? This is something that everyone before me had & people look forward to this. I am not against the dinner, but feel that my supervisors set things up in a way to prevent me from earning a higher wage, and don't want to see them at a dinner - they would be expected to attend. I might say something that I shouldn't if I see them there. Comment: I only found out about the wages recently. That is one of the reasons I decided to retire, now. I know my salary won't improve. Thank you for your answers. I am on good terms with my co-workers.

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    retirement, or resignation? – PeteCon Jul 18 '18 at 15:00
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    Related, though the situations are quite different: Is it okay to turn down an invitation to my own retirement party? – David K Jul 18 '18 at 15:09
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    why wouldn't the direct route work? "Hey guys...I'd rather not have a party thrown. It's no big deal and I'm ready to just move on and get about w/ retirement. Thanks" – NKCampbell Jul 18 '18 at 16:09
  • VTC as duplicate but I don't agree with the accepted answer. Instead I would point you to Joe Stazzare's answer which might work for you. A private chat with your boss, as proposed in another answer in that other question, might also work for you. – rath Jul 19 '18 at 15:27

As you said, people look forward to the dinner, so this dinner isn't just for you even if it is in your name. If you're retiring then you don't really have to keep a good report with your coworkers anymore if you don't want to but if you wish to stay on good terms with them then I'd recommend sucking it up and going. If you do go, why won't you be able to keep your mouth shut when seeing your supervisors? I assume you've been successful at doing it for quite a while if you are retiring from the company, why not one more evening? Again you don't need to keep your mouth shut as, you know, retirement.

In the end you could just not show up. I'd assume they'd still have the dinner without you since they're already there but again it might leave a sour taste in their mouth.

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    Agreeing to the dinner and not showing up is almost certainly worse than not agreeing to it. – DJClayworth Jul 18 '18 at 16:32
  • Not saying its better, just an option. Probably the worst unless OP is gunna say something really bad to the supervisors. – imdannyboy909 Jul 18 '18 at 16:33
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    Pretend to be very excited. Struggle to agree a date, then once one is agreed, wait and then forge a new excuse to reschedule. There is a good chance it just falls by the wayside if enough time has passed and you have already left the office. – Attack68 Jul 18 '18 at 20:09
  • I assume you've been successful at doing it for quite a while if you are retiring from the company, why not one more evening? OP has edited to indicate he only found out recently – rath Jul 19 '18 at 15:21

I really suggest you reconsider your attendance. My father retired recently, he is a reserved person and I don't think he wanted to attend his lunch it was at first. I think regardless of the circumstances of your retirement it would be a mistake to associate the event with grievances of your supervisors. It should be a celebration of your entire career, the contributions you have made to the industry and the part you played, however big or small, in progressing it which the next generation (such as myself) benefited from. If you are worried about the event that your supervisors will speak on your behalf or other concerns which you have that will overshadow the event for you, I suggest you communicate that you would prefer if they can alter the format slightly that they don't have long speeches that you just want to celebrate with your colleagues and only a very small toast.

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