I've been at the company for 2 months now, yet I feel so ostracised by my co-workers.

In the first month, I tried fitting in by being proactive in involving myself with work events and socialising with my new peers. Now approaching month two, nothing has changed, and I still feel a distance between me and my coworkers. I often find myself eating alone at lunchtime, and noticed that people generally avoid having to talk to me.

I recall a couple of weeks back, during a night out, I tried to include myself in conversations, yet I felt filtered out by my colleagues. Even worse, when I was left alone with anyone, they would do their best to avoid conversation or they would keep themselves occupied with something else e.g, phone.

any advice on how I can resolve this issue?

  • 1
    I'd probably suggest speaking to a therapist (who could help you figure out the cause) or looking for some general advice about body language and how to make engaging and interesting conversation. This assumes there's at least something you could improve, which is probably true for most people. If the issue is really just with them, you should probably either just be patient and hope they warm up to you eventually or leave. Sep 15, 2018 at 22:14
  • Usually when I have avoided people it has been because of their personal hygiene (they did not use deodorant); if this applies to you the fix is simple Sep 16, 2018 at 9:23
  • Why do you care at all?
    – Amin Vakil
    Sep 16, 2018 at 13:22

1 Answer 1


There may be several factors in here, none of which surround you personally.

I'm not sure if you were brought into your team to replace an existing team member, or whether you are expanding an existing team, but with your presence, the social dynamics of the group have changed. If a popular team member has left either willingly or unwillingly, there may be a certain enmity towards you at first.

I've found the best way to start being accepted into a workplace is to be highly efficient and effective in my job. I also try to remain friendly and courteous, but highly professional. Once you are seen as a useful part of the team and accessible, then it's highly likely that some of the negativity you are feeling will start to dissipate.

Above all, remember to be patient. It can take some time to integrate into an existing team, especially into a tight-knit team. Give it some time and try to avoid projecting what you are feeling or you run the risk of generating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  • 1
    I believe I was brought in as a replacement for a group of employees who left a couple of months ago. The team still seem to hold their ex-employees in high regard - and often meet for drinks etc. They are a very close-knit bunch if I'm honest. Generally I am an introverted person - and take time to adjust to people; however, I have never felt isolated like this before.
    – Steen
    Sep 16, 2018 at 0:20
  • 2
    @Steen I have been in your situation before, and it can be difficult. As per my answer, the best way to gain the respect of your team is to show why you were hired by performing well and being professional. Tight-knit teams can be very difficult to fit into, but when they see your value their attitudes should change towards you. Do try to not show your frustration though, it will make it harder to bridge the gap.
    – Jane S
    Sep 16, 2018 at 0:30
  • 2
    @Steen Even more than just not showing your frustration, try to be understanding. As an introvert, you personally know that it can be difficult to form a relationship with someone else. While the reasons for the extra difficulty you're facing remain unclear, assume their are reasons, and don't try to decide if those reasons are good ones or bad ones. Be respectful of their feelings as you try to find your place. Doing so will make socializing easier. Forcing your way into the group will more likely generate resentment than anything.
    – jpmc26
    Sep 16, 2018 at 3:14
  • 1
    In addition, two months is nothing, unless I worked directly with them I didn't even bother learning peoples names until I'd seen them around for 6 months
    – Kilisi
    Sep 16, 2018 at 4:16

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