Me and my fiance are in the same team under same manager. The manager and the rest of the team is unaware of this. We plan to tell them 2 months before our marriage. We are not sure what happens after we announce about our relationship.

However, our manager wants us to visit abroad for business meetings and will sponsor our visa process. But the proposed visit date will clash with our wedding. We don't want to tell about our relationship yet because it is too soon and fear that one/two of us may lose job.

I am looking out for new job so that I can move out of the team right away but getting a new job is not as easy as it seems. And my manager has asked to apply for visa as well right away.

Is it fine if we apply for visa with company spending on hotels, flights, visa fee etc. only to tell my manager about our relationship/my resignation(if i get a new job) after acquiring visa from company's money.

  • 2
    Does your contract/employee handbook say anything about relationships? That's your first port of call, the answer might already be in there. Most companies have no issue with this, some might just want you in different departments to avoid any conflict of interest, but it's not something we can advise on without knowing what policies apply to you.
    – delinear
    Sep 20, 2018 at 12:13
  • yes..the policy book states that there should be not be any relationship between an employee and his/her direct manager to avoid conflict of interest. But then, that's it..nothing about relationship between co-workers..and thus the dilemma. Sep 20, 2018 at 14:52
  • The policy book looks pretty standard on manager-managee relationships, which can easily lead to sexual harassment suits (at least in the US). If it says nothing about other relationships, it's because they aren't against policy, and you're clear. I had no problem with being married to a colleague. Sep 20, 2018 at 19:21
  • yes, I understand marrying my colleague will not be a problem...but what concerns me is that my boss is approving expenditure on me which I know will become useless in future. And when the time comes, he will understand we made a fool of him. Sep 21, 2018 at 14:14

2 Answers 2


If you are currently aware that the proposed date will clash with your wedding, you can just tell your manager that have a very important family event in the country that you are unable move - so "I will not be able to make visits abroad between these dates, is that okay?"

If you want, one or other of you could mention that they are getting married, but you shouldn't have to mention that it's to each other. (The other could mention that they "will be attending", but that's starting to move into deliberate deception instead of just keeping your private lives private.)

On the other hand - many companies have policies that state when/if in-team or in-company relationships need to be declared to management to prevent conflicts of interest, accusations of favouritism (real or imagined) etc - please do check your HR documentation repository, and make sure you're not in breach. (After all, you don't want HR's reaction to finding out after the wedding to be to declare that you both broke the policy and are now fired!)


Yes, until you actually resign everything is uncertain. So while it may cause some inconvenience and expense there is nothing actually wrong that you're contemplating doing.

Even if you had a job offer but had not yet handed in your notice there is nothing wrong with it.

It's not the best situation for the company, but you look after yourself first and foremost and it's not your company.

  • 3
    I disagree. Say OP and fiance say nothing and the company books the flights, hotel etc. Then 2 months before the date, OP and fiance admit that they've known for months they won't be able to meet that trip... The boss is going to be pissed. That's not looking out for yourself, it's the opposite.
    – Llewellyn
    Sep 20, 2018 at 19:37
  • Bull's eye! That's exactly what I fear. My boss is very soft spoken and kind, which is a rarity I guess, I don't want to disappoint him in such a way. Sep 21, 2018 at 3:30

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