My Situation :

So the office I work, I happen to be part of a team where there is more gossip (Teammates talking about what he/she did funny the other day on a skype call or near the cafeteria etc etc.. and more about otherworldly stuff that does not concern office work) and less work, at least of what i see with my fresher eyes. As for me, I am a fresher who likes to concentrate on my work, and if I run into some roadblocks then reach out to team members for a solution. Afterall, that's what i am paid for right?

My Characteristic :

  1. I would not go so far to say I am completely an introvert guy but I do feel uncomfortable starting conversations with random people unless they are funny, like to discuss work-related stuff or they happen to be men. ( Just so if you get any ideas about my sexuality, I'm straight as an arrow I also respect women.) Not that I can't chat with a woman or start conversations, I just don't feel spontaneous starting conversations with them.

  2. Since I am straight out of college, I find doing the same old good morning or hi, how are you? very monotonous after a certain number of days. I mean, I greet my friends with a joke that would be something clever about the thing he/she dressed etc.(Picture Chandler but just without hi, hello etc) Hope you get the gist. Having said that I do greet my Managers, Directors because they hold a very high position and it is not that often I would run into them unless its work.

  3. I am very choosy when it comes to making friends. It's not that I don't like others, but I consider keeping a neutral stance with people I don't feel like talking to.

My Problem :

I wouldn't say it's a problem but with time it may turn into one. But apparently, I noticed many people on my team have started ignoring me. It's not that I did not see that coming or I have a problem with that but I want help from this community on what I can do from my side to improve the situation.

Please understand that I am not a negative person, but is the world too cruel to even stand the sight of introverts?

  • How long have you been working there? In what way are they ignoring you? if you seldom talk to them unless it's work-related stuff I wonder who is ignoring who...
    – DarkCygnus
    Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 15:45
  • My mentor stopped talking to me. I mean its because I stopped saying hi, hello. but then like I said, I don't like doing this everyday. I just can't fake something that does not come from inside me.
    – shuberman
    Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 15:48
  • 1
    Good manners never hurt you know... why not change or use different greetings when saying plain "hi" starts to get tiresome?
    – DarkCygnus
    Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 15:50
  • 2
    Ok thanks for clarifying. The only thing I don't get is why does the no talk bother you, if you identify yourself with being an introvert and don't like to talk much about small talk with your colleagues? Perhaps they are sensing you don't feel comfortable speaking about such things and are respecting your stance by giving you space...
    – DarkCygnus
    Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 15:56
  • 1
    Let us continue this discussion in chat.
    – DarkCygnus
    Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 16:01

4 Answers 4


I feel the pain too.

For many reasons, I don't make personal friends at work, and I am an introvert at heart. Having said that, you do spend a good bit of time at work, so it is best to make some kind of social connection.

What I typically do is when I get in the office I participate with any sort of chit chat that is happening at the time. Usually the mornings are a bit of a hello/good morning session so I take the opportunity to engage in the conversations. It will make your job easier down the road if people like you a bit.

In short, the best way to achieve a social balance at work is to engage socially on limited basis, even if you don't see the immediate return on the time invested. It will come back to you, as when you need help, co-workers will be inclined to be responsive to you.

  • I do have that ship sailed since I just cannot go from tomorrow and stand in front of people having conversations with a hell lot of context which i need to catch up on. And do mind my introvert nature, i don't think that would be possible. But thanks, I appreciate your advice sir kindly.
    – shuberman
    Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 15:57
  • @user7841468 Your going to be basically starting over socially, but I encourage you to begin the effort.
    – Neo
    Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 15:57
  • @Minster Positive From day one I dont know why but some girls look at me as if I should not exist even. I dont know what i did to make them feel that way, but as an introvert it makes me feel more uncomfortable about that. How should i deal with these people ?
    – shuberman
    Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 16:02
  • You can only do so much. Say good morning when the opportunity presents itself and engage where you can.
    – Neo
    Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 16:04
  • I guess it's we introverts who need to adjust all the way.
    – shuberman
    Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 16:06

Being an introvert is not an excuse.

As every dad has told their kid at some point, "it's called work for a reason; if it was all fun and games they wouldn't call it work."

I'm sorry you don't feel comfortable talking to people. I don't feel comfortable getting up at 7 AM and wearing pants. Nobody cares. It's part of having a professional job.

You can be as introverted (or extroverted) as you want. But you are required to greet people, speak with them civilly, and observe basic social mores if you want a job working with people in an office. Ideally you'll also show initiative and progression, if you want to advance. (This question seems to show a fair amount of resistance to the idea of learning/change, which is a huge red flag for employers.)

Having said that, there are other kinds of jobs. They may not pay as much or be more irregular (work-from-home contract programming) or not use your current skills (become a blacksmith and just make swords in your garage), but you can make those tradeoffs and decisions yourself.


To get good technical help you need smooth, comfortable interactions with your colleagues. Routine greetings and other small talk are a way of getting to know people, and getting comfortable talking with them. The less attention you pay to your colleagues, the less attention they will give you.

Answering your direct question, the worst that can happen is that nobody tells you anything unless telling you is a required part of their job.

Establishing smooth relations with colleagues is an important skill you will need throughout your career. It may help to think of greetings and small talk not as something you are doing for fun and entertainment, but as part of your job.

Like many work skills, you may be able to compensate for not developing it by being outstanding in other areas, but you will never be as effective as you could be. You do seem, from comments, to be treating women differently from men. That you really do have to work on. Non-discrimination is an absolutely essential skill in the modern workplace.

  • 2
    And treating women the same as men is also an important work skill. Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 16:01
  • With time our office culture saw a transition where the bosses and seniors refrained them from using Sir or mam to address them but encouraged calling them by the first name. I don't think we would see a transition where people of all kind are welcomed to work culture and be appreciated for the work they give and the enthusiasm and creativity they show in their work and not that in the water cooler gossips. I know fairly well that I am wrong but I asked this question on behalf of introverts.What can we do ? Is adjusting is the final thing left as an option ?
    – shuberman
    Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 16:15
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    Maintaining good relations with colleagues is just like any other work skill. You may be able to get away with specializing, and the skills you do have may be strong enough to compensate, but you will never be quite as effective as you could be if you worked on developing skills in your weak areas. Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 16:33

If you want people to talk to you, then you need to talk to them. If they try to be friendly with you and you ignore them, then soon they will stop trying. It sounds as if you’d like people to say “Hi” to you, without your needing to respond, but it just doesn’t work that way.

Chandler Bing is a character on a television show. In real life, if you are rude and acerbic all the time, people won’t like you. Again, society works a certain way, and you have to go along if you want to be accepted.

Finally, I will note that everyone is choosy with their friends, to some extent. The people you work with have already demonstrated that.

  • 1
    Also, there is a difference between being friendly and being friends. I don’t have friends at work, but I’m friendly with all of my colleagues.
    – ColleenV
    Commented Sep 26, 2018 at 18:37

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