I work as a personal assistant for an older blind person, I will call her KK. This is a new job for me. She is very extroverted and has a lot of friends. The thing is that her male friends are all single and 20+ older than me and some of them are blind, some of them aren't - I noticed that they flirt with me in some way, they want to approach me, to have my support, one is teasing me..and I don't know what to do in this ridiculous situation. I lied I have a boyfriend but that means nothing. I am very careful but naive as well (when I see myself later), on the other hand, I feel sorry for them and I help them. Everything is very subtle, discreet and I try to be subtle as well, I can't say things directly. I realized bit by bit that I am being manipulated. First of all, that is not my part of the job. Second, I don't want to have anything with those men. KK is single and she is..somehow..too free with those men whom she considers friends, they stay in her apartment for days. I guess they feel alone and they need a partner consciously or unconsciously but it's not my problem.

She even has an old mother who has some health problems and she needs help, her female friends too, many of them are older and sick and I am usually the one who is meant to help them in various situations when we are together. I told to KK that I am only her assistant and nobody's else and she was ok with it but as time goes by we were going back to the beginning. It turns out that I am a bad person who doesn't want to help but it's not the point. I don't know how to define my position either with men or with those women. Any advice? I can't say no, I don't want to help you or something like that..for example, we could be with her male friend who doesn't have a personal assistant, somewhere and when we do something, I help KK and I obviously have to help her friend. Then he needs something to do..and here I am. I can't forbid her to see her friends, her socialization is a part of my job. This job is a service and she is the user among many. I try to be polite and keep a distance but it is a very unpleasant situation. I feel my hands are tied. I also try to be moral with men. I avoid to talk with them or joke, I try to avoid them.

I am very good and gentle (and in general) to KK and she is satisfied with me so she spreads positive things about me to her friends. My mistake is that I told her some personal things but not so much..I try to avoid talking about myself now which is also hard because we are spending a lot of time together. She is quiet and then, to avoid awkward silence, she is somehow pushing me to talk. I am making mistake here but I don't know what to do now.

1 Answer 1


I can understand how it could be confusing for someone to draw the line between friend and personal assistant. You should sit down and write down your own job description and then tell KK and all her friends what they are. She may take it personal, but that is better than being unable to serve her. Nice is not the same as good. You can be a great assistant and totally not be her friend. Tell KK that she does not need you around if her friends are with her, especially if they harassing you. If she does not like the new, better defined arrangement, then you absolutely must get a new gig.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .