I have been in my current job for almost 7 months (it's my first job out of college), the first month was awesome! I really loved my job and enjoyed every minute of it! then there were some changes in my team which I didn't like but they were not that big of a deal.

My problems started when a new employee joined my team (he has less than a year of experience but for some reason they decided to give him a senior position). I knew his name before and thought he was really great and was really exited to work with him. But day by day I started realizing he is nothing like his reputation.

I ignored all his insults (both on personal and work level) and kept doing my job, until this week when he started presenting my work which I have been working on for almost a month and had so many sleepless nights because of it to the CEO and he got a lot of praise for the work from the CEO! I only knew my work was going to be presented few minutes before the meeting which felt so wrong to me. However, I didn't speak to him about it as I was too angry and didn't want to say something I would regret later.

The next day I came to work and found someone changed my tasks for the month! Things I have been working on got removed and I was assigned new tasks that are impossible to finish before the deadline and the logs showed his name as the one who changed them! when I confronted him and told him it was so unacceptable he said that I'm overreacting and this was not his decision but the project manager's decision (which turned out to be a lie). One manager at the department noticed the tension so she called me over, I couldn't hold it anymore and told her how disrespectful he was being treating me and how my opinions are being ignored, one thing that surprised is when she asked me why didn't I present my work to the CEO earlier. So was he lying when he was bragging that he didn't want to present but she insisted he should do it!?

After that I confronted him for the second time but since then I got labelled with so many disrespectful names and he started to act as my manager in front of everyone -especially management- like asking if I knew my tasks and if I completed them and requesting me to specify when will I continue each one! Also, assigning me new tasks! I don't want to be the egoistic person but this is not acceptable he is not my manager and from what I see if I allow this I will be inviting everyone to disrespect me

Management's approach regarding his disrespect is to tell me the cliche "we respect you and you are a good valuable employee" and that I should not let anyone give me his shit or disrespect me. But whenever I do anything I get told that empowering new team members is more important than work and that I should have patience and that if I keep on getting frustrated it would mean failure.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm thinking of quitting as I already have 2 job offers and both of them are good but they are not as big as the company I work in now. Also, I'm thinking is waiting to complete a year is better or should I just give up on them and leave

  • 8
    I would invest in a pair of running shoes
    – Layman
    Commented Nov 29, 2018 at 23:29
  • 3
    @VictorS Why should she run because such a - ahem - type crosses OP's path? Management was quite right - OP should not let the colleague trample over her. Do not get angry. Get in control. Sort it out yourself, you do not need let management do so. Invest in assertiveness courses. This guy plays the classical power games - do not join in. Ignore orders from this guy, do your own thing and tell them calmly what is expected of them; they lie - sure thing, let them dig their own grave. In future, do not believe what they say and get your information elsewhere. And yes, you still can quit after. Commented Nov 29, 2018 at 23:54
  • 5
    @CaptainEmacs I agree with your sentiment. Somehow I wonder if management is being a bit too cavalier with her ability to sort it out. There is a reason we expect management to manage, they're the only ones in the company with the appropriate authority to do so.
    – Edwin Buck
    Commented Nov 29, 2018 at 23:56
  • 2
    @CaptainEmacs Hey, I'm still agreeing with you. We have no idea to what degree this self-management of this issue is applied there. If this is an initial issue, some self-management is called for. If this is not getting fixed with self-management, one would hope management steps in before she realizes that she's a female that has had her work stolen, her jobs reassigned, and is being harassed in the workplace by a man when management is aware and not taking steps to correct the issue. If this was happening in the USA, it could have large legal implications.
    – Edwin Buck
    Commented Nov 30, 2018 at 0:09
  • 1
    @CaptainEmacs The primary reasons that outside authority needs to be brought in tends to go hand-in-hand with the problems that USA corporations permit.
    – Edwin Buck
    Commented Nov 30, 2018 at 0:35

5 Answers 5


Management's approach regarding his disrespect is to tell me the cliche "we respect you and you are a good valuable employee" and that I should not let anyone give me his shit or disrespect me. But whenever I do anything I get told that empowering new team members is more important than work and that I should have patience and that if I keep on getting frustrated it would mean failure.

Your manager is failing you big time. Your colleague presented your work as his own not because he was asked to, but because he wanted to. Your colleague stole all of glory. Your manager not only does nothing, but lectures you on empowering team members? Wow, what a load of B.S. What terrible hands off management is this? I'm sorry you experienced this.

You shouldn't stick it out in a miserable situation, because it can just get worse. I was in a similar position at a startup where someone also took my work and represented it as her own. My manager was similarly hands off and wanted me to handle it on my own. I talked to her and her manager about it and nothing happened! She went on to impress the CEO with my work (after I complained to her manager) and got a promotion for it. I ended up leaving the company completely disgusted with the situation for a new job just 1 month shy of 2 years. You know what? I love my new company. Best job I've ever had in my career.

As the saying goes, people leave managers, not companies. I would cut your losses and take one of the offers you got already. Those companies obviously didn't care that you don't have a year under your belt at your current company and still offered you a job.

  • 2
    If you get an 'exit' interview with the CEO or HR you should mention you are leaving due to the hostile environment you felt here that was not addressed by your manager. They keep track of that stuff even if they don't do anything about it at the time. Commented Dec 5, 2018 at 20:40

You've got job offers, what's stopping you from leaving? It doesn't sound like you'll be happy in your big company. why not try a new opportunity?

From the management's perspective, you're paid exactly for your job. There is nothing they feel they have to do. Whether you're feeling positive about your job may not be their priority.

There is no much you can do, you have to go.

  • 9
    Ouch - management's job is to make sure you can do your work at your best performance. Which means unmolested, unharassed, unbullied, and uncheated out of one's credit. Commented Nov 30, 2018 at 0:22
  • @CaptainEmacs The management don't believe the environment is bad. The only one feeling unfair is OP. Thus, she should go.
    – SmallChess
    Commented Nov 30, 2018 at 0:23
  • @CaptainEmacs The management already responded with a NO. What else to do? Leave!
    – SmallChess
    Commented Nov 30, 2018 at 0:24
  • 2
    @SmallChess Belief that the environment isn't bad is not the same as proof the environment is not bad. If management really messes this up, which includes doing nothing, the worst scenario is that a legal system will tell management if their belief is right or wrong, with additional punishments. Remember most of the undesirable actions in society are done by people who don't believe they're doing anything wrong, it's permissible, or not that bad, or somehow justified.
    – Edwin Buck
    Commented Nov 30, 2018 at 0:25
  • 1
    @SmallChess Well, I have seen workplaces going figuratively from 100 to 0 in short time by essentially one bad apple that managed to drag the whole collective decision-making down. It is clear that this is one bad apple, and what he does with OP, he will do with others. You are insofar right that leaving is OP's simplest solution. But she will encounter other cases like that in the future, so it might be worth a try to learn to deflect this - especially if she now has offers under her belt; she could even apply it now in the transition period. Commented Nov 30, 2018 at 0:26

You are in a tough position. After inferring your gender from your name, I guess it's possible this is a #MeToo (gender discrimination) kind of problem as well as a more general kind of disrespect.

You have done everything right so far.

  • You took some time to cool off before confronting him.
  • You've confronted this person twice and called him on the carpet for his behavior. You've asked for changes.
  • You have asked for advice from your management.

That's about all you can do on your own. I suppose you can keep doing it, but it sounds like he verbally abuses you, in public, when you do.

I guess your manager is frightened and confused by the situation and doesn't know how to deal with it, so she is hoping it will go away on its own. Spoiler alert: it won't go away on its own.

So, if you want to keep working there your next step is to negotiate with your management to get a commitment to do their part in solving this workplace problem. You enter the negotiation with a very strong Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA) -- you have job offers elsewhere. Great.

You need to figure out your objectives in the negotiation. Here are some you might consider.

  1. No longer having to work with this person as a peer in your team.

  2. Getting your manager to do her job: intervene to stop the verbal abuse and credit hogging.

  3. Getting back your original tasks -- the ones you had before this person "reassigned" you.

  4. Getting credit for your work in the eyes of your CEO and other executives.

So, figure out what you want. Figure it out clearly and unambiguously. Then make an appointment with your manager.

Meet in a private setting.

Ask her to hear you out and not interrupt.

Start by describing two or three specific incidents. "He verbally abused me by saying whatever on some date, in front of colleagues." "He changed my assignments himself, and falsely claimed the PM told him to." You get the idea: facts. Don't generalize by saying "he always is rude to me" or that sort of thing.

Then say something positive like "I like my work here and I like my other team members." Be sure to say something that's true for you.

DO NOT REVEAL YOUR BATNA at this point. Don't tell her you'll quit your job unless whatever.

Then say, "I need your help, and the company's help, dealing with this problem. Here's what I need:" Then state your objectives.

Then say, "how can we move forward together?" And listen to the answers and have a conversation..

If this works, great. If it doesn't you can resign knowing you've done your best to solve a hard problem. When you resign you can say "thanks for the opportunity to work with you. It's clearly time for me to do something new." Once you're out of there you have no further responsibility for co-worker misbehavior or management incompetence. Don't try to fix them. Just go.

And, while you're dealing with it remember you're always learning. Should you work as a manager one day, you probably will face similar situations. This experience will help you do a good job at that task.

If you're in the US and this is a gender discrimination issue, your company runs a very serious risk to reputation and treasury by not dealing with it. Read this article by Susan Fowler.

This stinks. Good luck and strength to you.

  • Oh, by the way you wrote * I get told that empowering new team members is more important than work.*. You've been there less than a year. You are a new team member, and empowering you is important. Don't forget that.
    – O. Jones
    Commented Dec 5, 2018 at 20:44

The size of the company is not really a status symbol, it's far more important to have a company that values you than one that's 3 or 4 times bigger.

And if you wait that year, consider the path you're on. He stole your fame, and is now positioning you to fail so you may be ejected before others discover what he did. Do you really think you'll be so agile in your ability to dodge his traps that you'll make it out at the end of your year with a good reputation?


If you have two offers, go for them. Company size doesn’t matter much, so don’t let that stop you.

A tip for salary negotiations: There was a recent study where fifty men and women were asked to negotiate a salary. Once for themselves, once for a friend. Best results in order, quite close together, were women negotiating for a friend, men negotiating for themselves, men negotiating for a friend - and far behind, women negotiating for themselves. So go into negotiations trying to get the best possible salary for a friend. Don’t take what’s offered but ask for more.

  • 1
    This focuses completely and only on the last paragraph, which is probably not even the main question.
    – Brandin
    Commented Nov 30, 2018 at 12:49

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .