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Someone who I consider a friend at work, who I've known for 4 years, sent a text to my work phone saying she needed a friend to talk to. She went into some detail, I got the feeling it was regarding her relationship with her boyfriend and it wasn't good.

I receive email from her frequently at work, she has very good grammar. This text, which she said in a following email, was after she had had a few drinks, had misspellings and words left out. The text also said she had called me the other night (which my phone showed no record of). I had factory reset my phone a few months ago, so her name wasn't associated with her phone number, so her name didn't come up.

I went as far as googling the phone number to see who it was, it did not come up with her name, it came up as a 60 something year old man in a nearby city. For these reasons, I thought it was spam. So I replied with nonsense, trying to catch the "spammer" in a trap. When she finally goes, "this is XXXXXXXX from work!". I replied with "OMG hahahaha, I thought you were a spammer!!!". I apologized, and she said "no problem".

Now, this person is pretty private. For her to reach out to me, she had to really be hurting. I have apologized several additional times, trying to explain the situation, but she won't respond. I feel like a monster. I am so completely horrified at my initial response to her reaching out to me, I sent it without thinking.

I don't know what to do. I was in a meeting with her today and told her to let me know if she needed help with anything, she smiled and said "thanks". Should I try to talk to her again? Should I drop it? I know she's hurting...and she chose me to reach out to her...and I tell her I thought she was a spammer. I am an idiot.

closed as off-topic by solarflare, gnat, Monica Cellio Dec 12 '18 at 18:32

  • This question does not appear to be about the workplace within the scope defined in the help center.
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • "She went into some detail, I got the feeling it was regarding her relationship with her boyfriend and it wasn't good" - Something doesn't add up to me... if you got such feeling why you then thought it was a spammer? – DarkCygnus Dec 11 '18 at 23:58
  • maybe she felt stupid for opening up to you in the first place – rath Dec 12 '18 at 0:13
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    This sounds like it's a better fit for Interpersonal Skills. If you want it to be on this site, please focus your question on the workplace aspects of this situation. As written, this sounds much more like an interpersonal skills issue. – Makyen Dec 12 '18 at 0:16
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    How can I move it to Interpersonal Skills? Thank you. – Some idiot Dec 12 '18 at 0:30
  • @Someidiot I migrated it for you. You might need to edit (there) to make your goal more explicit. – Monica Cellio Dec 12 '18 at 18:33
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Should I try to talk to her again? Should I drop it?

I think you are making mole-hills out of this, no need to over-complicate things.

She already said "no problem", so that is a sign you should drop this.

Anyways, for future reference, if you ever happen to have a mishap like this it's better to apologize in person instead of by messages. You could have even offered to listen to her right there, or give her a call after finding out she was not a spammer.

Things like these have to be handled swiftly and tactfully.


Bonus tip: Next time ask "who is this?" Before attempting to troll a possible spammer, to avoid awkward situations like this.

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    ITYM "making a mountain out of a mole-hill"? – Geoffrey Brent Dec 12 '18 at 0:14
  • I think you got what I mean :) (aaand are also making mountains of it lol) editing for clarity – DarkCygnus Dec 12 '18 at 0:16
  • In addition... when they said "This is X from work", I would have apologized via text then called to sort it out and explain and see what's going on – schizoid04 Dec 12 '18 at 0:19
  • @schizoid04 yeah that's basically what I said. OP already apologized via text, and doing a call after that as suggested would have been even better – DarkCygnus Dec 12 '18 at 0:28
  • Thank you for your comments. I did call her after I sent the "I'm sorry" text, she didn't answer. – Some idiot Dec 12 '18 at 0:29

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