How can I get out of this unsustainable project when I'm so new?

Question

I have an unpleasant situation at my workplace and I am seeking advice because it’s my first salaried position and I am young, so I have little perspective.

I graduated last fall with a bachelor’s in Computer Science from a highly-respected university in the field, a 3.3 GPA, and two internships—one with a tiny company in the private sector, and another in the public sector. I also helped TA one of the most challenging upper-level CS courses for undergraduates. Not terrible.

I took a job with a very small software consulting company that works in the legal sector. I really enjoy learning more about the law and being involved in court cases, so I thought it would be a perfect fit. And in many ways, it has been. I genuinely enjoy the work and get a chance to improve not only my programming skills, but also my written and verbal communication skills.

However, the first project I was put on has been really trying. It started with two 48-hour weeks in a city on the opposite end of the country. It was supposed to be one week, but got extended. Even though this was super isolating and frankly hard on me mentally, I was happy to stick it out because I want to be an excellent employee and we were bringing in a bunch of money for the company, which has been having a dry spell.

After that, the project got extended some more. It was me, a supervisor, and another coworker at close to my level working on it at the time. The other coworker, A, put her foot down and said she would not be continuing with the project in any capacity.

Fortunately for my supervisor T and I, the project got moved to a city near where we actually live. We started working on it there. For me that is a 1.5 hour commute each way—much longer than the 0.5 hour commute I signed up for when I took the job in the first place.

A big part of the reason I was excited about this job was that it offers flex-time hours. I prioritize my health and family in my life, and this job seemed supportive of that. Now, however, it’s been 3 additional weeks of 9+ hour days PLUS commute time (3 hours total) to this city. My productivity is tanking and my life is in chaos outside of work.

The team had replaced A (after really pressuring her to stay and putting her through the ringer) with L for this project. L has had enough after just 3 weeks and is telling the company he will not be willing to take on additional work that this client is preparing for us.

I have been facing a LOT of consequences and stress because of the demands of this project and I am also planning to send an email saying the exact same thing. A has been working at the company for about two years. L has been here since last summer. I’ve only been here since January. I’m worried that since I’m so new, they may not treat me as kindly as A and L and straight-up fire me or financially punish me for rocking the boat.

The issue is that I have already sacrificed so much and gone what I believe is way above the call of duty, since the job advertised itself as flexible and accommodating and apparently projects like this are unheard of at this company. I’m also moving house this year from living with my parents to an apartment. Cost of living here is ABSURDLY high and I can barely afford it with my current salary (and probably I’m not being too financially savvy). If they cut my pay or don’t give me the baseline raise that they give everyone each year because I’m dropping off the project, I will be SCREWED. However, my family is moving far away and I am missing a LOT of time with them, as well as neglecting my health in a serious manner.

What should I do?

Edit: I suppose I might have been a bit hyperbolic about "neglecting my health". I am no longer taking the time to meal prep or exercise because I now have to choose between doing that and getting enough sleep and spending time with loved ones, and those two things will always win. I have also missed, postponed, or put off 5+ doctor's appointments...some of these I should have been on top of much longer ago, but my circumstances did not allow it then, either. I had just reached a place where I was going to be able to start scheduling and attending these appointments, and now this project has removed my ability to do so.

Answer 1

Don't present it as quitting. Present it as hitting your limits.

You've been going above and beyond on this project for long enough that one coworker decided that they were no longer willing to do the work, quit, was replaced, and their replacement decided that they also were no longer willing to do the work. The amount of work you've had to do has been way out of scope for how the position was initially presented, you've stuck it out for months, and it's damaging to your health.

So say that. Don't say "I won't do it anymore. Move me or fire me." Say "I'm really sorry. I tried to keep up as long as I could, but I just can't anymore. I need to look out for my health." Express willingness to keep working on the project (as long as it's no longer the long hours or the ridiculous commute) or otherwise find compromises, but insist that you need some recovery time where the workload and commute load are in line with the position as initially described.

Punishing you for hitting reasonable human limits is a lot harder to justify than punishing you for disobedience. In the meantime, if they do punish you... quit. Just quit. Move somewhere that isn't so fiendishly expensive to live, and get a job with a company that isn't going to lie to you about the requirements of the job, abuse you, and then punish you when you stand up for yourself. Basically, this should be the company's last chance with you. Preferably, you can get a solid conclusion on whether or not they're worth your time before you hit move date.

Answer 2

One of the reasons you're asking strangers on the Internet for advice is because we are not emotionally invested in your situation. All the answers and comments you will see have to be viewed with that lens; you will see answers and comments suggesting you take actions that even the authors themselves might not take if yours were their own situation.

With that level of detachment, ask yourself what advice you might give to a friend in your situation. You are obviously concerned that you are dependent on this job for income, which is a totally natural response. This concern is limiting what you think your options are, because I'm reading that no matter what you are wanting to stay employed with this company. I am not suggesting that you quit, but if you are convinced you will not quit no matter what your employer does, your hands are tied.

I would like to comment on some things from your question and ask if you think this is the right job for you, long term:

"It started with two 48-hour weeks in a city on the opposite end of the country. It was supposed to be one week, but got extended. Even though this was super isolating and frankly hard on me mentally [...]"

For me, a 48-hour work week while on travel is perfectly reasonable. Whether you are salaried or if you are paid overtime is a separate question. While I'm away from the office, if I'm not at work or eating I'm just sitting in the hotel anyway, so an extra 90 minutes of work each day isn't much. But that's just my opinion. Being away from your family/friends/support system is difficult for you. This might partly be because this is new for you and the stress of a new job doesn't help, and I'm guessing your family moving and you looking for your own apartment is adding to your stress.

Do you think this will continue to be the case, or will you adjust and be OK with being away from home? If you continue to work for this small consultancy, can you expect that more travel like this will be required?

"[...] I was happy to stick it out because I want to be an excellent employee and we were bringing in a bunch of money for the company, which has been having a dry spell."

Your desire to make your company successful is commendable. You recognize that they are making "a bunch of money" from your work, so if you can help them to recognize this they may be more willing to accommodate your needs to make this project bearable for you.

If you enjoy this work, and you are enjoying the company, what changes would you like to see them make for you? Rather than open-ended complaining with your supervisor, things will go better if you have a clear list of 2-3 things that you would like them to do, along with explanations of why those things will make you (and ultimately them) more successful.

If you were my son, here is an idea I might suggest: What if they offered to house you in the city you are working in for the duration of the project?

If you eliminated your 3 hours of commute each day, it might give you back the time you need to look after yourself, as well as giving you a chance to ease into the idea of living on your own, as you will need to do when your family moves. Managing yourself during the week might build confidence in yourself for the next phase of your life while giving you a peace of mind that you can still go home.

Answer 3

IMHO, you can see in current situation an opportunity.

Compose a list of things that are not well with the current situation and list of things should be done for you to continue at it.

And i don`t mean to "make it bearable", but the ones that make it great for you.

For example:

1,5 hours commute each way - accommodation closer to the site for the workdays, meals and travel expenses to get there, or option to work remotely from your location if possible

Demanding hours - OT rate with option not to do them

No one else able / willing to do the job - raise in your regular pay and more paid vacation time for recovery

You can also start looking around for different position, but from your description, this one gives you so much knowledge and experience that it be a shame to leave it if you can get the tools needed to do that project

Answer 4

Tell your boss which working times would be ok for you in the long run - also ask if e.g. home office on one day is ok. Your company has the choice to retain you with some hours less per week or have (another) person leaving the team in a time constrained project. Believe me, if they choose the latter, then you don't want to work there, since then it's not a case of different expectations for working time, but it's purely unreasonable.

Answer 5

You accepted a job under certain conditions and 4 months into the job you realized that the job isn't exactly the way it was marketed towards you.

If I were in your position I would send the email and explain that you wish not to continue with the project. If they choose to fire you because of that as you fear- then I would move on to better opportunities and find a job that honors the criteria they outline before you accept the position.

It seems like time with your family is a major priority and you are not getting that with your job. Your physical and mental health is also very important and you should not be neglecting that so that you can try to force this supposedly good job to work out in your favor. Communicate to your boss that you want out of this project because of all the stress. If they are not willing to work with you- quit and move on. This job is not worth stressing out on.

Answer 6

It sounds like you have a trememdous opportunity here, if you are willing to take it.

You mentioned that this company you are consulting for will have more business for your firm in the future. And you, someone who has only been at your firm for a short time are essentially the point man for all this new business.

If you are willing to do so, you should sit down with your supervisor and offer to take over contacts and take the lead on all new projects with this company. In exchange for a higher salary and an ownership stake.

Of course, this will involve many long weeks. Many much, much longer than 48 hours. 60, even 70 or 80 hour weeks. But in the end it will pay off. Remember that nobody becomes rich working for somebody else. You have to work for yourself. And believe me, chances like this NEVER come at bigger companies. You have this opportunity because of the small size and youth of your firm.