How should I tell my manager I'm not paying for an optional after work event I'm not going to?

Question

My manager planned a night at the ball park work event. She asked us all to reserve a ticket by putting $10 down a couple weeks ago. It was made clear to me that this reservation was not requiring me to go to the game. It was just a non-refundable payment, that if I chose not to go I had to understand I would not get this $10 back.

After talking with my wife, we decided we weren't going to be able to go. However, my manager says I am still required to pay for the ticket, even though I can't go. I believe she's organizing the entire event and paying for the tickets from our payments, or paying the company back from our payments.

The problem is, she already ordered the tickets. I never told her that we could go to the game, nor give her consent to make the order on my behalf. She followed up once before ordering and I told her I still wasn't sure if I could go. Now, she's demanding a payment and I can't even go to the game. I want to tell her gently, but clearly, I'm not paying for the tickets. How should I tell her this and is it appropriate?

Answer 1

Your manager is not being unreasonable.

She asked you to reserve tickets, you reserved tickets, she acquired (and paid for) tickets based on that reservation, and now she expects you to pay for them. That's not an unreasonable position to take. Perhaps she should have double-checked or something, but by the same token, you should have told her once you concluded that you weren't going, preferably soon enough that she wouldn't have paid for the ticket.

So now what?

Well, you're correct that she can't force you. She doesn't really have legal recourse in this matter. On the other hand, especially if she made it clear that she was going to buy tickets for you all, you do have something of a personal obligation to follow through on the purchase that you at least strongly implied that you intended to make. You don't want to have to foot the bill for a set of tickets that you won't use, but by the same token, she doesn't want to foot the bill for a set of tickets that she only has because she was trying to do something nice for you.

If this isn't a big deal financially for you, I'd say just buy them. Possibly see if you can find any friends who would be interested in going that you can give them to. It's worth it in order to avoid the social damage, and for the "being a good person" factor. If it is a big deal for you financially, then I would suggest couching it in those terms, and then trying to find someone else who can buy them instead and save her the loss. If it's a big deal for you, it won't be trivial for her.

Regardless, start by trying to understand her perspective on things. She was trying to do something nice for you, it looked like you were interested, and now it looks like she's going to get burned financially as a result. That kind of sucks, and it deserves your sympathy.

Answer 2

Pay your boss for the ticket and re-sell it if you are not going to go.

By giving your boss $10 to reserve a ticket you essentially told your boss that you intended to attend the game and that it was OK for your boss to purchase a ticket for you. It is not the same as a cruise reservation as a cruise reservation is completely controlled and handled by yourself and the cabin isn't physically handed over to you like a ticket is.

Take this experience as a lesson learned

Answer 3

She should have got confirmation of numbers before ordering tickets- many people can have valid excuses for not attending : medical, family commitments etc etc

If the price of the ticket is not too onerous then, just for peace, you might consider to pay... BUT if the tickets are expensive then, in reality, she cannot force you to pay.

Paying the reserve fee of $10 was fine, as some have lives that mean predicting the weekend is challenging, let alone 2 weeks in advance.

Answer 4

She followed up once before ordering and I told her I still wasn't sure if I could go.

It looks to me as though this is where it all went wrong.

The point where she says, "I am following up now before ordering the tickets" is the point where your $10 charge for showing an interest turns into a commitment to pay her for the ticket she's buying on your behalf. Had she been trying to write a bullet-proof contract she should have been clearer on that, but I think equally you could have observed the reasonably-obvious: the point where she's buying the tickets is the point where you assume responsibility for the ticket she's buying on your behalf.

I doubt she can sue you or anything, but for future reference when someone follows up to confirm whether they should include or exclude you from a ticket purchase, "I don't know if I'm coming" doesn't really answer their question. "I don't know if I'm coming, but go ahead and buy me a ticket" does answer their question, and implies you will pay for it. "I don't know if I can come, and I don't want to pay for a ticket I can't use, so count me out" also does answer their question. It seems likely she expected that any expression of continued interest from you at that point implies that you do want her to buy you a ticket, and therefore that you're agreeing to pay for it. This is why she is surprised. She never thought she was promising to take on the risk of you changing your mind after that point.

She should not have accepted "maybe" for an answer at that point, but equally if she's herding a large group of cats who refuse to answer questions yes/no, then she's in quite a difficult position where the only way to force you to co-operate with her planning is to make it a default "no" and flat refuse to buy a ticket for anyone who doesn't confirm in writing they'll pay for it regardless of whether they show up.

In the (unlikely) event that there were a lot of people who paid the $10 and then dropped out before she bought the tickets, you might be able to persude her that those several $10 will cover the hit she took on your ticket, so she can let you off and still break even.

Answer 5

I think you should pay your manager or see if you can find someone else interested in the ticket.

The analogy to the cruise company misses the mark because your transaction with the cruise company is different than your "transaction" with your boss.

I think a better analogy would be:

Your group of friends decides to go to a ballgame. One of your friends offers to pick up the tickets after you all say you are going. After your friend has purchased the tickets, your plans change and you can no longer go.

Would you tell this friend that you aren't going to pay for the ticket purchased for you?

Answer 6

There are two separate matters that are semi-orthogonal.

Buying the tickets: a money commitment.

Separate from

Actually attending the game: a time commitment.

Look at any game held in SF Giants ballpark. You see a lot of empty seats speckled in the crowd. These are seats that were sold and not attended. Happens all the time, especially in technology. What is happening the is exactly your office dynamic: someone bought seats so they'd have the option to attend with coworkers, and then they did not.

Again, these things are separate. So when you told your boss you weren't sure if you were attending or not, that had no bearing whatsoever on whether you were buying tickets. There is nothing wrong or unusual about buying tickets for an event you're not sure you'll attend. It is simply an opportunity cost.

Note that you did not tell the boss that you would not be buying the ticket. You told them you would not attend. Different things. You may want to think they are the same because you want to be thrifty and not pay for tickets you don't use, but that is not your boss's job.

Your slick trick

Had this gone the other way, and you decided you wanted to go, you would have absolutely expected your boss to have fronted the cost of a ticket just for you. If the boss had said "well, you weren't sure, so I didn't buy you one", you would've objected vigorously. You would argue that Having a ticket reserved for YOU is the whole point of a non-refundable deposit -- And you'd be right.

You wanted to have the right to say that. But you also wanted the right to walk away from the whole deal, and have that work in your favor also - despite the fact that these two things are in conflict.

That's your scam - trying to work the deal both ways, so both break in your favor.

Here's another way to think about it: opportunity costs. You wanted to defer the decision past the decision point. For a normal person, that costs the price of a baseball ticket, like it did for all those people not in the empty seats at Giants park. But you manipulated the circumstances to evade the opportunity cost. Or to be more precise, you want to make your boss eat the opportunity cost.

In other words, you are stealing the opportunity cost.

This is probably too complex for the boss to successfully go to HR and report you for stealing. But certainly, it is the last time anyone will trust you - for event tickets and probably more.

Next time there's an event like that, expect them to ask a $10 deposit from everyone else, and full-boat-upfront from you. Or worse, full-boat-upfront from everyone, and you're the reason why.

Office politics tip: don't be "that guy".

Answer 7

Here is a possible way to talk to her, providing that the company actually paid for the tickets, not the manager out of her own pocket.

Hey Manager - It's too bad that you ordered the tickets before confirming with us that we could attend. I know I reserved a ticket, and that deposit is clearly my responsibility. But you ordered the tickets, and at the same time I realized I had commitments that meant I could not go.

But, this means you have an extra ticket, and someone else in the company can go!

If the manager paid for the ticket out of her own pocket, it's harder. And, since she wants reimbursement, this is probably what happened. Yes, she acted before confirming that you could attend, but, on the other hand, she likely thought that reserving the ticket was the confirmation.

In that case, you need to consider what you value more: the cost for the ticket or your relationship with your manager. You can use words similar to above if the cost of the ticket is more important. But you might need to eat the cost of the ticket (and perhaps find someone else who can go in your place), if you think your relationship with your manager is more important.

Answer 8

Your manager should have set the deposit amount in such a way that it would cover her losses if someone decides to cancel. If the deposit was meant to be a commitment to attend, she should have set the deposit amount to full ticket price.

Before refusing to pay the full amount (I assume that paying and not going is not an option), I would go around the office to check if there is someone from your company who would be interested in taking your place. Do this before talking to your boss, because otherwise you'll offer her to ask around, she'll agree and getting rid of the ticket will (at least psychologically) become your problem. Instead, you should tell her either:

I've asked around and Fred seems to be interested, is it OK if he takes my place?

or

Sorry, but I really cannot go. You can keep the deposit, but I don't think I owe you anything above that.

What I wouldn't do is paying for the ticket and selling/giving it to someone outside the company, at least not without asking your boss first. Depending on the ticket she got for you, it may not even be possible to resell it. And if you get the ticket from your boss and won't be able to sell it, it will be your loss only.

Answer 9

Could not agree more with Ben Barden and many others. It looked like you were interested so she thought to buy ticket for you. IMHO, you should have clearly said NO when she asked earlier, before buying tickets even if it required consulting your wife on the phone.

As of now, she may not be able to do anything legally against you, it would be good to save your "good person" image and pay her $10. It may look like you are being forced but, on the contrary, you want to consider why didn't you say NO earlier.

Answer 10

This sounds like a miscommunication to me. Your understanding was that the $10 deposit was not a commitment to pay the full amount, your manager had a different understanding. The agreement that it's not a commitment to actually go to the event still leaves room for ambiguity regarding paying the balance.

It doesn't sound like this misunderstanding is yet clear to you or your manager, so your first move is to sit down with her and explain how this misunderstanding has happened. Nobody is "wrong." There has been a miscommunication.

From there, maybe you can agree to give the ticket to someone else who wants to go, or to hold it in reserve and have the company absorb the cost if nobody uses it (I can't imagine your company can't afford to absorb the cost of a ticket with a $10 reserve fee).

If not, buy the ticket and sell it on.

Answer 11

It took me a couple of reads of the question to get a (more) correct understanding.

In terms of what needs to happen for the OP, the OP would be wisest to fill his manager's expectations. The manager is trying to do right. Like almost all employees, the OP has a certain amount of social capital and this is an awfully bad place to be burning social capital.

In terms of what is appropriate for the manager, the manager would do well to take a bit of noblesse oblige and limit the employee's expense to the non-refundable deposit. He was offered a decision, consulted with his wife (N.B. checking on things with a spouse, about a social decision, specifically during working hours may or may not be viewed positively by an employer and may not be a couple's style even in the first place), and got back to his manager. Beyond that point she is needlessly burning social capital with a subordinate to ask above $10.

However, this response is addressed to the OP, not his boss. I would suggest that you, the original poster:

1. Explain to her that you did not call your wife during working hours to discuss a decision about this matter, and that you did consult with your wife and make a joint decision that it would be better to opt out; and

2. Explain that you are paying for the tickets this time through, and possibly also:

3. Request that in future matters be handled so that you can get home, make a joint decision together with your wife (almost necessarily outside of work hours), and then get back to your manager and relay the joint decision.

The wording of any of these suggestions might have better alternatives suggested by commenters.

Answer 12

Here is a perfectly acceptable, respectful, PROPER and not harmful answer:

I'm not paying for an optional after work event I'm not going to.

That's it. You don't need to add anything else, there is no miscommunication there only inappropriate expectations and fear-based management.

Your manager was being completely unreasonable by even making the demand (instead of just offering it).

Advising you to capitulate to these unreasonable demands is harmful, and likely comes either from peons too afraid of their own shadow at work, or malicious managers that are only too happy to take advantage of workers that are.

Answer 13

Your first paragraph answers it all. There was an expectation set upfront that the $10 was nonrefundable even if you weren't able to attend in the end. Why not pass the benefit on to a colleague. Is $10 really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things?