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I was working in a workplace where my boss was bullying me and it was extremely stressful, after two months of leaving and even though i found a better job that paid more in a bigger company i can't help but keep remembering how i was mistreated and how i could have done a few things differently (at the very least stood up for my self or resigned early when things started going sideways) and whenever i remember my time in that company i get anxious, depressed and paranoid that it might happen again; i can't help but wonder how the people in that previous company are thinking of me and how people around me are thinking of me now.

I'd like to hear from people who have been in similar situations and either got fired or left the workplace how do you deal with it after it has become a thing of the past?

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    OP, I'm in your position and meditation has really helped me. Headspace is fantastic and they offer a free trial. It will help you address these thoughts instead of feeling like they need to be suppressed, and soon they'll pass on and not be a part of you anymore. – user106443 Jul 8 at 15:32
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    My father always says "Its none of my business, what people think of me." Those people have no hold on your life anymore. Theres no sense in thinking about them. – jesse Jul 8 at 17:06
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    Possibly relevant external link, since your Q has now been put on hold: slate.com/human-interest/2018/06/… (Alison Green of 'Ask A Manager' (.org) which deals a lot with issues like this. – seventyeightist Jul 8 at 19:40
  • @seventyeightist the article is great and on point, thanks for sharing – Nickolozo Jul 8 at 23:56
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I was working in a workplace where my boss was bullying me and it was extremely stressful...how do you deal with it after it has become a thing of the past?

I have been there myself, and it just really does take time to heal. You've only been gone two months, so feelings are still pretty recent. It helps to be in a new place, but for a while you will still have traumatic associations with what are, for most people, normal, everyday workplace activities. It will take time to build new positive associations. In all likelihood you will not just be able to immediately "shake it off" or "forget about it" by sheer force of will, no matter what other people might say.

Take some actions to help create new positive memories. Help others when those opportunities arise, and be constructive in general. Go out of your way to show new people around and make them feel welcome. Whenever you are reminded of something negative that happened to you, try to connect it to a new positive act. Behave the way you wish your old boss or coworkers had.

It also helps to have someone to talk to -- sometimes just saying things out loud, and explaining bad situations helps you see how wrong the other people were, and how things were not your fault. Talking also helps you appreciate the good things that are happening now.

If your anxiety and depression are to the point where they affect your daily life and enjoyment of things, do not hesitate to see a therapist or other health professional. Therapy can help you determine when your worries and concerns are irrational, and how to move forward in a positive way.

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    Thanks for the great answer. When you wrote: > "Whenever you are reminded of something negative that happened to you, try to connect it to a new positive act." Can you give an example please? – Nickolozo Jul 8 at 3:11
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    +Many - all excellent points. I would also suggest having some holiday downtime, if you can manage it. I've been through this twice (5 years and 20 years ago) and I still get occasional twinges of anger about it, including now while reading this post. I wish I'd had and taken similar advice to the above, as it would have taken away a lot of the stress. – Justin Jul 8 at 9:06
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    @Nickolozo could be something very simple -- if you were shut out of conversations/meetings at your old place, you could try to be more open to others, or work on including yourself in others' conversations. If people were overcritical of your work during reviews, make an effort to give others constructive criticism and praise. – mcknz Jul 8 at 16:59
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I was in a similar situation with a job from which I was let go about 18 months ago.

At the beginning, I felt exactly how you described (mostly mad at myself for not leaving earlier, lots of anger at my former manager, resentment towards the organization as a whole). As @mcknz answer's says, with time, those feelings begin to fade. I'd be lying if I said that at 18 months they are all gone, but they are definitely not anywhere near as intense at they once were.

I think the best advice is to celebrate the fact that you found a "better job that paid more", and use that as a form of validation of your value - some good people at a better company think you're valuable! Embrace that. Realize that 100% of the people out there aren't going to like you, and the fact that your former boss didn't doesn't matter anymore.

One thing you mentioned is that you "can't help but wonder how the people in that previous company are thinking of" you. First, the vast majority of them likely aren't thinking about you at all - you were another coworker who moved on. Second, if there are folks who are thinking about you, those which had the same manager (or were exposed to him/her) probably just recognize that you were another "victim" in a long chain of them. Finally, if you were friends with some of your coworkers, invite them out for a drink (or whatever culturally appropriate event) - they'll probably enjoy catching up. If you do this, set some boundaries for yourself - do not talk about your time at the old firm (at least as it relates to that manager).

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