So I moved out to San Francisco from the east coast to work at a tech company (background in financial services) and have found the experience to be (in all honesty) both good and bad. However, I've recently had some very bad experiences with my co-workers and boss that have caused me to really consider seriously leaving.

To give you some context, my team is a startup within an established tech firm. Since the first day (I was given a very short period of time to relocate to SF from the east) I've been putting in very long hours (think from 8-9 AM to 10-11:30 PM as well as weekends - not in any way exaggerating). Most of my teammates however tend to leave at around 5:30/6:30PM on a given day and sporadically work on weekends. I've been performing and producing a ton of content and have been asked to do more and more work by my supervisor. However, I'm now finding my workload to be excessive and the asks to be unrealistic for just one person to accomplish (and he's always telling me to own everything - even when we have to put together visuals or a powerpoint - I am to own 9 out of 12 slides). He's already taken liberties to yell at me behind closed doors and I've been spoken to in a condescending way (and told not to push back).

The last straw for me was when I had spent weeks (pulling late nights and weekends) to spruce up the content of the weekly portfolio performance updates that gets disseminated to the higher-ups and different departments (an email distribution I created). There is a new girl on my team (who goes to meetings all day and leaves at 5PM to go to dinner with her boyfriend) who suggested to my boss that she send out my content along with a few bullet points on commentary from another team member instead of myself (even though I'm the one producing over 80-90% of whats in the update). She's already told me that I am not to send it out without first sending it to her and yesterday she basically took all my metrics, grids, and visuals and attached her signature to it even though I did all the work. My boss is on board with this but I will have a conservation with him on Monday to express how I truly feel about her taking credit for my hard work.

I'm already looking for new opportunities both internally and externally but the tough thing is that I have a strict relocation clause as well as a sign on which I must pay back if I were to leave in under a year - and prorated after a year for two years (I have just been here for 10 months). I also don't want to risk getting fired. Some people have suggested I let the boss know how I feel but continue to work hard so I don't get fired but others have suggested I take this to HR and my boss's boss since what this girl is doing is tantamount to theft.

What do you folks think? How should I navigate this?

  • Appreciate it Joe. Yes, I know - I will have a cordial conversation with him and not have a negative tone.
    – Franklin
    Aug 3, 2019 at 19:36
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    I think you should seriously consider cutting back on your hours. Your employer clearly doesn't appreciate the extra work so why do it? Do you have to repay the relocation if you are fired without cause? Aug 3, 2019 at 20:16
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    Why do you refer to your female colleague as a "girl"? Does she call you a boy? She is presumably an adult woman, and it might be better to think and talk about her as such, especially when talking with your boss. Aug 3, 2019 at 21:31
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    Someone was stealing my data in the way you describe, then one day the data was wrong - the only person who did not notice was the one sticking their name on it .... and it was difficult for them to push the blame back on me because they had always claimed the work... I was the source for data after that...
    – Solar Mike
    Aug 3, 2019 at 22:40
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    Stop working so much for these people. They don’t deserve it. You only have one life. Do you really want to spend it doing this?
    – Jim Clay
    Aug 4, 2019 at 10:16

2 Answers 2


There is a new girl on my team (who goes to meetings all day and leaves at 5PM to go to dinner with her boyfriend) who suggested to my boss that she send out my content along with a few bullet points on commentary from another team member instead of myself (even though I'm the one producing over 80-90% of whats in the update).

  • Clarify her function with your boss.
  • Don't call her "girl" and don't think about her as "new girl"
  • If you see a lack of skills of her, tell to your boss
  • Maybe she exactly does what she was hired for: going to meetings and aligning requirements with the technical team (and: you don't know her salary, maybe it is smaller than yours)
  • The fact that you work/stay in the office until 10pm doesn't require her to do the same. If it bothers you I suggest you stop that
  • Maybe you don't know if she continues to work from home, potentially on projects which you don't know about (and yes, I also turn of IMs on Skype/Lync/etc sometimes while i am working)
  • There is also the potential that while everybody is very happy with your work, her function is to check it and receive/filter the (customer?) responses so that you inbox doesn't overflow
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    Don't call her "girl" as opposed to what? (Serious question) Again, I'm not saying it in a demeaning way. And yes, she is a "new girl" or newest person on the team. There is also a "new guy" on my team and I don't see what the big issues is if I were to call him that. Sorry if I offended you. And no, she doesn't work from home from what I've seen and doesn't check my work and receive/filter responses. What she blatantly did in this case is simply take my work and forward it to people on a distribution list I created with her signature on it (essentially claiming it to be her own).
    – Franklin
    Aug 4, 2019 at 10:40
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    @Franklin: Really, clarify her function with your boss - after having clarified that, you may address the issue that you have the feeling that she wants to take credit. And yes, you are demeaning - the male equivalent of "girl" is "boy" as far as I can tell. So, call her "colleague" or "woman". And no, you did not offend me, I just wanted to point out a problem in your mindset.
    – Sascha
    Aug 4, 2019 at 11:47
  • @Franklin the point is that by calling a woman a girl, you are in fact being demeaning, whether you intend it or not. If it is your wish not to be demeaning then stop using a demeaning term and justifying it by saying that it wasn't your intent.
    – Summer
    Aug 4, 2019 at 15:04
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    Thanks folks! I understand now. Appreciate the feedback. Again, I'm thinking the male equivalent of "girl" is "guy" - not "boy" - and I don't mean it in any degrading way (we are both the same age/level - and refer to each other by our names). I'll be more careful next time in my use of words, especially if it can be interpreted in a belitting way (which again is not my intent whatsoever) and I'll cease doing so. I will have the conversation with my boss (to clarify) and have gotten a lot of advice from this forum, but further perspective on how I can handle this is much appreciated.
    – Franklin
    Aug 4, 2019 at 15:49
  • @Franklin: Since i am not a native English speaker, I checked with Merriam-Webster. "Guy" has no meaning at all about the age, "Girl" has, and "girl" has at least 2 meanings listed which can be seen as offensive, and I think you used one of these. Moreover, commenting on the age of your colleague is hardly an relevant fact here.
    – Sascha
    Aug 5, 2019 at 6:43

At the Monday meeting you should probably explain that, although you signed on to be exploited by your boss (by accepting the sign-on and relocation money), you are unhappy that the privilege seems to be spreading to your co-workers.

  • Thanks A.I.! I'm going to ask my boss what benefit there is to have an intermediary (since in all likelihood she will forward any and all questions/feedback to me and then answer on my behalf) and that by having this girl send out the report in lieu of me, I risk having the content be inaccurate since I have to work around her schedule versus my time since she leaves really early esp. on Fridays. For instance, yesterday she rushed me into sending whatever I had because she wanted to leave even though I was not done with my reports.
    – Franklin
    Aug 3, 2019 at 20:09

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