I might take a new job. I applied for a new job after a very good manager at my current company departed. My friend was promoted to the manager position in the meantime. I will be getting an offer and likely take it. My friend is under-qualified and is working 60 hours a week to try and learn (only paid for 40).

I feel bad leaving them at this critical career point. How do I convey my departure in the best way if I get the new job?

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    It is not exactly clear for me what you're trying to achieve. "Best way" is a little too vague, "best" for who? From which perspective? Are you trying to minimize organization impacts or just not burn a bridge with your friend (personal relationship)? – Juliana Karasawa Souza Aug 7 '19 at 8:17
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    Trying to not burn a bridge with the friend. – user107558 Aug 7 '19 at 12:47

Don't tell anyone in your workplace that you're leaving until you have that solid job offer/contract in your hands, even if they are your best friend.

If you're definitely leaving, you may even want to sign and return it first to make sure nothing puts a hurdle in the way (background checks / references / etc). It can help here to negotiate a start date that includes a little longer time than your notice period.

Then you can tell your friend first, and officially notify the company of your resignation. Explain that this new job is a great opportunity for you to grow, and if your friend really is a friend, they will see that it's in your best interest to move to a new job.

It's only if you wanted to use the job offer as a bargaining chip that you might consider telling your boss (to illicit a counter offer), but I think you should still wait until the offer it made when doing this too.


You tell your manager/friend right after you send your resignation letter to HR. Not before.

And don't feel bad leaving him. It was his decision to make a career change. You are not being compensated for that (and it appears, neither is he). Depending on how good a friend he is, you can tell him in an unofficial setting you think he's in a bad position and that you feel sorry for leaving him. But it's better to tell this near or after the date you're leaving than way before.

It's not always easy to separate roles, but at work, he's your manager first, friend second. Outside of work, the order may be reversed (or not, that all depends on how good a friend he is).

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    Why after submitting the resignation to HR? – GreenMatt Aug 7 '19 at 15:22
  • @GreenMatt separation of friend relationship and work relationship, mainly so the friend doesn't get the (wrong) message that OP is leaving because he's now the manager. Also not to give the friend the change to guilt trip OP. – Juliana Karasawa Souza Aug 8 '19 at 7:35
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    @JulianaKarasawaSouza: Voice of experience here ... There's no guarantee the friend/manager will not try to guilt trip or use other pressure to get the resigning employee to stay. Also, if the person is really a friend, they should be happy for you if you're finding something better. – GreenMatt Aug 8 '19 at 13:02
  • @GreenMatt if they try to do this, they're REALLY not fit for a managerial position. Choosing your battles is a precious skill. If the resignation is already a done deal, there is absolutely no value in doing this to get them to stay and it will even worsen the work environment. Voice of experience here. – Juliana Karasawa Souza Aug 8 '19 at 14:26

I would tell that friend before accepting any offer that you have applied to several job positions because of your current financial position and your career prospects.

Make it very clear that you did not look for a new job because your friend was promoted manager, but because you feel it is in your best personal and professional interest.

  • If your goal is to maintain the friendship above all else (which the OP implies in a comment) This is absolutely the right answer. – Summer Aug 7 '19 at 16:52

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