I'm not well liked by colleagues. And this doesn't happen to me for the first time unfortunately.
I will try to be objective in my description:
- I have friends and social networks outside of work, so I don't think I completely lack social skills or have a generalised social anxiety. But yes, those networks are mostly international whereas I work mostly with locals.
- I know I tend to be a bit reserved when meeting new people in work context. I frequently lack the lightness some people possess, especially at the beginning.
- I've been told both: that I come across as very shy and introverted and that I come across as arrogant and aggressive, by different people. I think it's because I'm a bit reserved. People project things on me.
- I'm a foreigner in the country I work, normally the only one or one of the few foreigners. I live in Germany.
- I'm a nerd, love some topics but find small talk boring in the long run. I try to control that however.
- I'm not a huge party person and wouldn't like to drink too much to be liked.
- In the past, I had networks in which I was very popular, so it's not like I've always been an outsider. But it doesn't seem to work in the current country and now. I'm not able to forge normal, reliable relationships with Germans here.
I've been told I don't fit it by my bosses. I've also had the feeling I'm not popular - I don't get invited to things and people shut the conversation with me quickly after I start it.
How can I change it?
My goal is to fit in better at least in the eyes of my superiors.