Asking a previous manager for a reference when they want me back

Question

I worked as an SE intern for about a year at a large local company, before leaving to finish my degree. I left the company on excellent terms, and made it clear that reapplying to the company upon graduation was an option, and my boss expressed a great desire to rehire me upon graduation. Shortly after I left, my old boss reached out to me with a full-time job offer at the company.

Though I do like the company, the team, and the work they do, I also want to open up some other options and apply to some other places, namely in a different geographical area. Considering how highly my old boss thought of me and my work, and how he was more directly involved with me and my work than my coworkers, I feel like he would be an excellent reference. However, since he is so interested and involved with the rehiring process (he himself sent me the job offer), I feel it would put him in a very uncomfortable and difficult situation.

Would it be inappropriate to ask him for a reference?

Answer 1

I don't think it would be inappropriate if you turn it the right way, asking if he would be bothered by making you a reference and stating that you're still thinking about their offer.

In your situation, I'd send an e-mail like this:

Hi [...]

Thank you for the generous offer, but I'm not sure I'll take it: I'm thinking of diversifying my experience and maybe move in another area. I haven't decided anything yet. Would it be awkward to ask you for a reference ?

Regards, [...]

Answer 2

If you have a good relationship with your old boss as it seems you do, you could tell him exactly that.

You love the company, the team, your former (and potentially, future) colleagues, the work they (and potentially, you would) do and you are very interested in working with them in the future.

You don't need to tell him about exploring other options, but you can say that despite all that, you're trying to move to [other geographical area] for personal reasons, and that move would obviously be incompatible with working for them.

And ask if he would be comfortable giving you a reference.

Alternatively, if your move to the other area is not too pressing (if, for example, it's an area where the market is better and you feel you'll have more opportunities, but you have no urge to go there, like family obligations, or a partner having to take a new job there, etc), you can postpone it, maybe a couple of years, and build more experience with that company, in that team. A couple years is not that long, even though a lot could change in your plans during the period. And it's far enough that no one at the workplace need to know (yet) you plan on leaving, so would not factor in your recruitment.