Due to the nature of this post, I will do my best to stick to facts only.
I have been working as a Software dev contractor for almost 20 years. I was always excellent at solving problems in that domain, and within a few years, I have made a unique name for myself as the guy to bring in and fix an IT. As a result of that, I always had a long line of people wanting to hire me for even a few hours a week to help them solve the severe problems they were facing. I never advertised, and through all those years, the line of interested clients has never gone smaller than 3-4. In short, for almost 20 years now, there is a high demand for my professional skills.
At the same time, another reputation was following me - that I am an insensitive and harsh person. The harsh I will accept as those jobs were intense, and I was often hired to apply a no-nonsense approach to teams. The reputation as insensitive is something that I struggle with, and it is the bane of my professional life.
In an attempt to cut a long story short, I do indeed make remarks or comments that are then perceived as bad taste, insensitive, or just outright rude. I don't see that when I make them, or after I say them. I sometimes understand why they are wrong when someone then will sit me down and take their time to explain it. But most of the time I make a mental note not to make remark/joke like that and not do that specific bit again. That never is enough, though, and eventually, I will, in a few weeks, make another remark that will make someone feel justifiably uncomfortable. And that is never my intention.
For the last few years, I was trying to convert from contractors' life into a permanent role, just wanting more stability in my life. But this is where the personality of mine gets in the way every single time. Eventually, I either feel too detached from the team and leave, or the company finally decides that my impact on the team is worse than the benefit they get from my work. We always parted ways on friendly terms, I know how I am, and very much always disclosed that flaw in my character in the interview - did that both as a contractor and now hopeful employee.
I tried very hard to control this, but generally without success.
So I am mostly hoping for some ideas of how this can be better managed. Four months ago, I started working with a new company as a C-level employee, and this is already beginning to be a bit of a strain on some teammates. How can I manage this better? Can you recommend some strategies on the way to stay part of the team, but also work around the issue of my personality. I spoke about it bluntly with the CEO recently, and he admitted that the work I deliver is excellent, way above what they expected for my current pay - which he proposed that, based on that, we will renegotiate in December. But he also expressed that there is growing concern about the remarks I make and that this will need to be somehow addressed. He tried to be level and friendly with me, not get me too stressed, but he seems to be struggling with that as much as I am and wants to keep me as a member of the team and stay together for years.
PS. I've been working with a therapist for the last six months, trying to fix those behaviors, but so far it doesn't seem to help much at all. So I am looking for help on the strictly professional front on how to handle this, not how to "change my personality," and so on. Apologies if that PS comes as "rude," but whenever I sought help on the matter, most of the answers were "suck it up and fix yourself." etc.