I was on a 4 week wedding leave last month. When I returned few weeks back, I find that everyone in the team was a bit indifferent towards me. I'm not seeking any special attention or behavior, etc. I'm talking about scrum meetings, status calls and the general work atmosphere I was used to earlier. I went through all the emails, trying to catch up with recent advancements in the project and I asked one of my colleague to give me a quick recap. He did not seem to take it seriously. The project lead seldom assigns work to me now. Even if he does, he won't care much about the reports. Earlier, they (I'm the youngest on team) were amicable while giving guidance or work assignments.

I have also been asked by my manager about my plans after marriage. Prior to my wedding he knew I would leave the company in 7-8 months after I return, since my husband doesn't work here. But now that I have returned and am willing to contribute for the above time, I still see this indifferent behavior.

A lot of things have changed since I have returned and it's getting hard for me to cope up nowadays. Should I expect this to continue? Is it advisable to shift jobs now, because I will be leaving within a few months?

  • 2
    Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
    – Neo
    Commented Dec 5, 2019 at 12:29
  • 11
    is this in the US? A four week wedding leave?
    – NKCampbell
    Commented Dec 5, 2019 at 17:41
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    Are you leaving the job because your husband does not work in that company? Do your colleagues now also know that you leave? I would understand people saying to not "waste their time" investing in someone who will not be there soon.
    – Kami Kaze
    Commented Dec 6, 2019 at 10:14
  • 4
    OP previously asked about the extended wedding leave.
    – F1Krazy
    Commented Dec 6, 2019 at 11:29
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    Prior to my wedding he knew I would leave the company in 7-8 months after I return, this sounds like bad knowledge for your manager to have, this almost guarantees you're the first to go if the company needs to downsize, and you may miss out on growth opportunities.
    – Matthew
    Commented Dec 6, 2019 at 16:54

7 Answers 7


It is just corporate life, not you

A colleague of mine returned from a 4-week vacation yesterday. In that time, our boss left for a new company. Maybe 3 minutes was spent catching the colleague up on that before we all returned to our usual work.

When the boss left, there wasn't a lot of fanfare or discussion. He cleared out his office, we spent maybe a half-hour wishing him well, and then he was gone. And unless you are maintaining an ancient backend system he helped run, little changed. And he spent some 8-10 years there, a phenomenally long time for a developer. Within 3 years, there will be nobody who worked with him still there.

When I have left jobs, there have been a few handshakes, some chit chat, and then we each went our separate ways to most likely never meet again. People stopped asking for my opinion around the beginning of August for my summer jobs as it didn't matter as much as I was leaving.

If they know that you are on their way out, they may be already of the mindset that you are gone. They then stop planning future projects with you, as you won't be there for those projects. They stop giving you work where expertise will be needed down the road. Training you is a poor investment as again, you will leave before you really get to use it much.

All of this is because as soon as you stop being co-workers, most connection utterly evaporates. And you will be imminently evaporating.

What you do depends on your work environment and your goals.

  • Need the salary? Just stay put unless you can find another job.
  • Can you re-apply your time at work to other things? Use it to learn stuff from Udemy.
  • Are you just being given work which the other developers do not want to do or consider to be low priority? Go find a new job for the 7-8 months. Just don't tell them you will be leaving.

I would not job hop now just because it may look strange to hop yet again after only 7 months in a company and some may label you a job hopper. But this depends on your area.

EDIT: I stumbled upon this answer again and thought I would post an update. Nobody has mentioned my old boss in months. 8 years of his life and he is effectively departed from institutional memory. About 1/3 of the current team never even knew him as we have had other departures and replacements. Such is the corporate life.

EDIT 2: It has been 18 months since he left. In that time, I left. Several other co-workers left. His boss got promoted to another division. The heads of the teams he worked with the most have all left. Nearly everyone from the project he assigned me to is gone. There are maybe 5 people left in the building who knew him all that well. Things change quickly.

EDIT 3: It has been 27 months since my boss there left. My own chair has been filled twice. His boss has left the org and moved to another city. His boss's boss got fired for improprieties of some sort. His replacement quit. There is now just 1 person left that he worked with. You could likely mention his name in a meeting and nobody would know who he was. At most his existence would be noticed by a developer doing a git blame, as most of the code is still his.

  • 1
    Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
    – Lilienthal
    Commented Dec 5, 2019 at 11:33
  • In addition, 8 months is a very long time in the corporate world. Your colleagues are worried about the next few weeks. Commented Feb 16, 2022 at 12:01

I'm honestly surprised that you're surprised by this.

You essentially already have one foot out of the door - and have just given the team a month to get used to working without you. It might seem wasteful not to fully utilise a resource that's going to be there for another 7-8 months, and truth be told it is in my opinion. But that is easier said than done - particularly with more junior members of the team and I can understand why the team wouldn't be inclined to put much effort in to re-integrate you only for you to leave again relatively soon afterwards. You say yourself that a lot of things have changed, and I can see how that would happen four solid weeks is quite a long time.

Earlier, they (I'm the youngest on team) were amicable while giving guidance or work assignments.

Juniors often need more time and effort invested from managers/leads in these areas - it's not a bad thing and is part and parcel of career development. The hoped-for pay off is that the time and effort spent earlier on results in a more independent and productive employee in the long run, in your situation this pay-off is already off the table.

I can understand that it's not a comfortable experience for you - and I sympathize, I really do. But I don't think it's anything personal.

Should I expect this to continue?

The feeling might ease off if they find a productive niche for you - but I think it's unlikely to go back to "how it was".

Is it advisable to shift jobs now, because I will be leaving within a few months?

If I'm understanding correctly and you'd plan on leaving any new job in a similar time-frame then I wouldn't bother moving on personally. Unless you can find something that is explicitly short-term that matches your desired time-frames you're either going to have to pretend that you aren't going to leave very soon or be upfront and make yourself an extremely unattractive employment proposition.

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    100% agree, this is actual reason, and i believe you kinda know it yourself
    – Strader
    Commented Dec 4, 2019 at 16:06
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    This may be a time for the asker to try to find something worthwhile to contribute on their own, for example, look through bug reports for neglected issues or start investigating something in the backlog. If the problem is an assumption that they won't continue long enough to give a good return on the investment of other's time in getting them re-involved, then finding a way to produce recognizable value without others having needed to invest time is a great way to counter it. It's also taking a step up from a junior role to a more self-directed one. Commented Dec 5, 2019 at 0:03
  • When I was leaving a company, I used the remaining time to write a documentation for something that needed it. If you wanna help your soon-ex-colleagues do something that might be helpful/necessary but mostly gets dropped for time reasons.
    – Kami Kaze
    Commented Dec 6, 2019 at 10:20

While it’s understood to not be as deep or long-term as a marriage, your job is still a collection of relationships. So try this situation out on other relationships. If your new husband (congratulations!) left for a few weeks and told you that he was planning on divorcing you in eight months, how would that impact your interaction with him? Yes, the level of the relationships are very different but the basic mechanics of how changes in relationship status are handled tends to be pretty similar.

And more generally, if I may suggest, take this lesson from the experience. Your career will inevitably be impacted by the relationships you form. From little things like feeling a little more motivated because you had a nice exchange with a coworker to promotions being tied to how you interact with a team, the human aspect is very much a part of the job.


From the company's point of view, you told them you would be absent for 4 weeks, and them come back for a while before you leave for good.

You say you are the most junior member of the team. That means that in reality, if you were going to stay for two or three years, it would be worth the cost of training you for maybe the first year in the hope that the second year the company would recover that cost in useful work output.

That no longer applies, and the company has the basic options of paying your salary and ignoring you (which produces zero useful work, i.e. no cost for the other team members supporting you and nothing from you) or paying your salary and continuing to train you (which will produces negative useful work overall, since the training cost will probably exceed what you produce in a few months when you don't have any long-term commitment to the work in any case).

The team has already got used to you not being there. Having got over that disruption the first time, there isn't much incentive to go through it twice more - once to re-integrate you, and then to lose you again.

So what you are experiencing is the cheapest option the company has, to deal with a no-win situation. If you had more experience, they could probably find you something productive to do which didn't involve a lot of interaction with other people, but I guess that isn't a practical option - or nobody wants to invest the time thinking about it to find out if it is practical.

As others have said, your basic mistake was putting all your cards on the table too early in the game. If nobody knew about your long-term plan to leave yet, they would now be re-integrating you back into the team.

And of course there may be also an undercurrent of resentment among other team members who are well aware that you are going to get paid for doing very little for the next few months.

Maybe the "best" solution would be for you to declare your final leaving date (even if it 7-8 months away) and formally give your notice to quit, which at least gives the company the option to just give you 7 or 8 months pay in lieu of notice and let you leave right now. But assuming you are in a country where they can't just fire you for no reason, until you have actually handed in your notice you are stuck in this limbo state that benefits nobody.


While I don't leave for a long time like in your case. I do declare my intention to leave my company a while back to my Leader and manager.

A lot of things have changed since I have returned and its getting hard for me to cope up nowadays. Should I expect this to continue? Is it advisable to shift jobs now, because I will be leaving within a few months?

From my experience, you should expect their treatment to continue. Because they try to cope with the workload expecting you could be leaving sooner than later. If you had another job ready for you to go you should go ASAP if you don't have any contract or anything binding you to your current company.

Long story short, when I decide to not move to another company because of increment benefit promised and I do get it, they start to work with you again like before. In this case, planning and sharing the workload with me again and guide me. (Proving Matthew Gaiser answer). It's just how it is, people never invest in something for nothing, since workplace is not charity.


You could talk to your manager and ask why the change in the atmosphere at work. However, I am wondering about how you got in this situation in the first place. I suspect the answer might be "You are leaving soon". If that is the case, there might not be much you can do, other than bring forward your plan to leave.

I have also been asked by my manager about my plans after marriage. Prior to my wedding he knew I would leave the company in 7-8 months after I return, since my husband doesn't work here.

Maybe this is a cultural thing, but how does your manager, or any of your colleagues know that you plan to leave in 7-8 months? If you told them, why would you do that? While your employment contract would usually require you to give a certain notice period, in my experience that is usually just 1 month.

If you are looking to move to a different city, leave work to start a family, or just want to change jobs, you would normally do all the setting up of that in private. Until then you keep quiet, and then you give the required notice period.

In my opinion, giving them many more months of notice than is necessary is doing you no favours at all. Sounds to me like you have already resigned and are just working a really, really long notice period for no good reason. How are you going to explain to a future employer your lack of project involvement for many, many months? What will you do if your plans change and you want to stay in this job?

  • Would someone like to explain the drive-by downvote?
    – Nick
    Commented Dec 4, 2019 at 22:27
  • 1
    I'd say the downvote is because your answer does not answer the question. OP asked what to do about a situation, you give your opinion about what they did in the past and nothing about what to do now.
    – LP154
    Commented Dec 5, 2019 at 9:13
  • My answer was indeed intended to be advice for the future. However, I edited it to add a starting paragraph giving an answer to the OP's question.
    – Nick
    Commented Dec 5, 2019 at 16:01

The unfortunate truth is that (at least here in America) colleagues/managers tend to talk to/befriend you mostly because they need something from you (usually they need you in their role). Once that need goes away, often the relationship does as well. I've seen this multiple times even when people simply switch roles within the same team. They make new 'friends' and lose old ones.

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