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There's a company in middle east which is interested in me. I refused a job proposal from them 7 months ago and now I decided to join them and they made me a better offer but still low for such a big change.

I am not a very "social" guy so, I don't know how to write it in a "less rude mode". That's why I'm asking here for help.

Is this a professional and not rude phrasing? Is there something that could be changed or added, in case it weren't?

Hi XXX,

I would like to express my gratitude for your email and the offer. I am convinced that my 6+ years of experience in different areas of the digital field (design and verification) and my hability to solve complex problems will be a great asset for XXX. The position in question is of great interest to me, but I was expecting a higher salary. I am seeking a salary between XXX and XXX. I believe this in in line with all my knowledge and skills. The benefits related to the children (XXX for education+flights) are not applicable to me since I don't have children.

Once again, thank you for your offer.

Best, XXX.

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  • I fail to see a question in your post. What can we help you with? Are you wondering if such phrasing is professional and if there is something to be improved on it? (if yes, then please include such question in your post explicitly)
    – DarkCygnus ♦
    Dec 12, 2019 at 1:15
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    I would like some help on how to improve this email so that it doesn't sound to rude
    – user204415
    Dec 12, 2019 at 1:18
  • Took an edit to your post in the hopes of making it more clear. Feel free to change it if I missed some details.
    – DarkCygnus ♦
    Dec 12, 2019 at 1:22
  • I think your question has better answer than the email. Just tell them that you really want to join them, but you cannot do such a big change for the salary that they offered?
    – Pavel Donchev
    Dec 12, 2019 at 16:37
  • The top comment has the best answer. Quick question, though-- if you're not from the Middle East, I would strongly encourage you to demand more than the market rate in not-the-middle-east. I've heard some serious horror stories from folks who worked construction out that way. Not so much that people are terrible (though they can be, but that's everywhere) as that there was nothing to do, and it was too awful outside to do anything out of doors. Many films were banned, internet was too slow, sites were blocked, etc. Confirm what your personal life will be like before accepting.
    – NegativeFriction
    Dec 13, 2019 at 15:20

2 Answers 2

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I think your attempt to be polite is doing more harm than good. I'd recommend being more succinct, which can both be professional and polite.

Thank you very much for getting back to me. I'd greatly enjoy working at your company, and I'm sure I'd be a valuable asset.

However, I'm currently only considering offers with an annual salary of at least XXX, matching my market value and experience. Please let me know if you can meet the latter. You can remove the benefits related to children since I don't have any.

I'd be grateful to join your company, and look forward to your response.

This simply states your position in a polite, professional and understandable way.

Also, this is not the place to reiterate your experience and "great problem solving skills", i.e. the fluff talk of resumes. In the same spirit, don't tell them what you "think", "believe", "are convinced" etc. "I'm only considering" is much more powerful and factual. Counter-intuitively, less arguments communicate your position more convincingly than offering arguments regarding "years of experience" and the like, and give you a stronger negotiation position.

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    +1 for succinct. No need to restate skills and worth as they know this already, which is the reason for their offer in the first place.
    – Chris
    Dec 12, 2019 at 5:13
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    I don't think being "grateful" is the right thing to feel about joining a company. More than happy maybe is better
    – user100470
    Dec 12, 2019 at 7:17
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    @Atizs I changed "more than grateful" to "grateful" only. Is that better? Something in "more than happy" doesn't sound right to me - it may be just me, but to me it sounds like it lacks a certain degree of seriousness.
    – ig-dev
    Dec 12, 2019 at 7:39
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    @ig-dev My only objection was based on personal beliefs. Employment is not a favor (It shouldn't be) so why be grateful for it? Are you desperate for employment?
    – user100470
    Dec 12, 2019 at 8:59
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    @user204415 what do you mean, how would I change it? I'd tell them how much I want, weighing up how much I can ask for, and how important the job is to me.
    – ig-dev
    Dec 13, 2019 at 0:14
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Your letter is fine. I like it because it is succinct and talks about why you deserve more. Its actionable, if they offer you between X and Y you will take the job.

However, I am confused:

and now I decided to join them and they made me a better offer but still low for such a big change.

How can you negotiate an offer you already accepted? Its too late for that.

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    Thgis is the point I understood - accepted and now too late.
    – Solar Mike
    Dec 12, 2019 at 13:17
  • I did not accepted the job, I just decided to go there if I can get a good salary
    – user204415
    Dec 12, 2019 at 23:19

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