But... I really don't know where to go from here. I can't scale myself at programming. At the same time I feel too old to start now.
Speaking as someone who started off programming from absolutely nothing (not even the most basic web knowledge) at 25, no, you are not too late.
However it depends on what you mean by 'starting'. I had the rare chance to afford years of studies before I started working, despite starting so late. I was also willing to undergo a certain degree of pain/effort to learn the difficult stuff.
If you are willing/capable financially to take years of studying, yes, it is entirely feasible. You wouldn't be the first one to realise that programming is a better branch than your former jobs (even qualified ones).
There is also the question of how much you are willing to push yourself. I would advise trying projects and seeing how rigorous you can be with your job, because that's the truest metric when it comes to programmers. Knowledge is ever expanding and intelligence/capacity at understanding things is always second to how much effort you are willing to bring into your projects.
What would you do?
If I were in your spot, go back to college. If not applicable, I'll give you the same advice I gave a friend not long ago:
- learn the basics of one craft (web, devops, gaming, whichever suits you best), enough that you can try yourself at a first project
- make that project come to life and make it unambitious at the start
- once completed, either expand on it, add new features to your website/game, or start a new one
- see how much easier it is to redo the things you've already learned, and work on the things you have not learned well enough to do them with ease the second time
- put the project on github or the like, and test yourself against the market. Send your resume to companies offering jobs in your craft, and show them your code. Programmers have this rare quality that they judge on code quality, so if your efforts show, you do have a possible way in.
Programming, in my (still) humble experience, is all about a combination of effort and rigour. You can become proficient, even good at things, only by giving it time and effort, but it is very hard to do with only yourself. That's why I'd advise a college/school rather than not have one. Rigour is something that grows a lot better when you're in an environment that requires it. Learning by yourself is entirely possible, but the mindset is hard to grasp, and it is best to take things with surroundings that push you in the right direction.