How to negotiate for a benefit that has become important to me only now?

Question

There are various questions about how to ask to work from home. I think this is not a duplicate because first, in the other questions, the very idea of working from home is either something novel in the company, or they're about asking for the possibility to work from home already in the interview. The underlying issue here is, I think, somewhat more abstract anyway, as I've also tried to express in the title.

This question seems similar to some existing ones, but as I've outlined below, I see some significant differences.

Brief intro: I'm working as a software developer. I've been with my current employer for about 4 years. As far as I can tell, my superiors and colleagues are rather content with my work, e.g.:

• I've been granted access to the core packages that only few developers may access.
• I am trusted to modify basically any part of our products without having a detailed design discussion with the team responsible for the module first.
• The (three) technical architects regularly ask me to join meetings where fundamental technical decisions about core parts of the products are made that will affect the rest of the (more than 70) developers.
• I've been given a small team of three people to delegate some tasks to 1.5 years ago.

There's quite some leniency about working times; being absent during the "core presence time" is no issue when announced beforehand, as is occasionally working from home.

Plenty of senior colleagues of mine (those who have been working in that place for 20+ years) have one or even two fixed days for working from home. What I have heard, though, is that our management in general has decided not to guarantee any such arrangement anymore in the contract.

Now, the time for our annual performance reviews is about to start again. My personal situation is that we have two little children and for about a year, my wife has been increasingly adamantly insisting that I negotiate to get allowed to work from home two days a week. Reasons are that I'm often coming home rather late (past 6:30 PM), and that I cannot briefly come home e.g. in order to bring the kids to the doctor for half an hour or so, because it takes roughly one hour from home to work. So, either it's the two days working from home, or I have to switch jobs.

Now, from virtually everything I have learned from reading here and on other sites dealing with similar topics is that I should never "threaten" the employer with quitting.

Thus, my "dilemma" could be summarized as follows:

• For me, not getting those ~two days of work from home per week is a deal-breaker now, even though it wasn't when I started the job.
• From the company's point of view, there is no reason to assume I'm unhappy in any way and willing to quit, neither concerning working from home nor about anything else.

I have read various related questions whose answers pointed out that it's important to outline the benefits of my working from home for the company. Now, working somewhat more uninterrupted for a couple of hours (my kids are in child nursery during the day) and not starting my workday after a stressful commute could be presented as benefits for the company. But, truly spoken, at the same time, I see the reduced opportunity to supervise my team members and take part in design discussions with other colleagues as drawbacks that likely will negatively impact the progression of various tasks every now and then (obviously, I'm not going to point that out during the performance review). Thus, I fear my basis for argumentation is a rather weak one.

Is there any way I can "save my job" (which is, I'm pretty sure, the most beneficial outcome for both myself and my employer at this time)? Or have I maneuvered myself into a dead-end already, by not building up a "backstory" in time for my employer to be generally aware I might seriously consider switching jobs if my wishes are not granted?

In fact, I'm also a bit worried related to the last point: If I just casually ask whether working from home more frequently is possible, this is declined, and I quit, will this reflect badly on me due to the apparent unprofessional act of suddenly quitting over what seemed like a non-issue totally out of the blue?

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UPDATE: Some aggregated remarks based on the answers and comments so far:

• As per my contract, I have to work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week (as is pretty much the norm in my place), although this can be shifted around across days and weeks to some extent as flextime. Thus, while I would definitely gain some time by working from home more often, the net time I would be working for my employer would remain the same.
• As described above, the concept of doing some work from home is somewhat widespread among the company staff already, and thus the tools for it are all in place. That is, a company-internal chat network with voice-chat and screen-sharing capabilities, an issue tracker where all tasks are managed, remote desktop, phones and headsets at each desk, etc. Likewise phone calls with colleagues who are currently at home, working, are commonplace.

Note: I will individually respond to a few comments to more specifically clarify a few points, or ask for clarification. Also, while I already thank everyone the very insightful answers and comments so far, I would like to wait for a few more days before finally deciding on accepting one of the answers, to let things sink in a bit and ponder possible non-obvious caveats.

Answer 1

We work to live, not the other way around. People have priorities, and they change (over time).

If your changed life priorities warrants that you need to have the work arrangement changed, so be it. You are very right, never go into the mode where you want to "threaten" the employer, as I read so far your work experience has been good. You get into a discussion.

"Is there any way I can "save my job" (which is, I'm pretty sure, the most beneficial outcome for both myself and my employer at this time)? Or have I maneuvered myself into a dead-end already, by not building up a "backstory" in time for my employer to be generally aware I might seriously consider switching jobs if my wishes are not granted?"

Explain the situation and request them to consider the possibility of having you work remotely (from home) for 2 days a week. Without asking, you'll never know what could be the outcome. There's no harm in asking nicely.

• At best, your request will be approved (maybe with some adjustment).
• At worst, your request will be rejected and based on your priorities, you may need to find a new job.

There's nothing other than these two can happen. Try to negotiate as best as you can, by putting your case in front of your manager and hope that they understand and have the capacity to allow the request WFH for you. Don't threaten, don't feel guilty for asking, don't compare with others in the organization - it's a requirement you have, and it's a solution you need, focus on that.

Best of luck.

To address some other concerns which you stated:

In fact, I'm also a bit worried related to the last point: If I just casually ask whether working from home more frequently is possible, this is declined, and I quit, will this reflect badly on me due to the apparent unprofessionality of suddenly quitting over what seemed like a non-issue totally out of the blue?

Every single thing cannot be pre-planned, and as I mentioned, priorities change. If you have a requirement (albeit not monetary) that cannot be met in this position with this organization, you need to find one where it can be met. There is nothing so "bad" about that.

But, truly spoken, at the same time, I see the reduced opportunity to supervise my team members and take part in design discussions with other colleagues as drawbacks that likely will negatively impact the progression of various tasks every now and then

If you feel that your physical presence is needed to have meetings and discussion, you need to re-think you approach - there seems to be something missing / going wrong. You absolutely does not need to be present always to have the discussions done and plans conveyed. Use chat tools, online meetings, audio-video conferencing, collaboration platforms (MS teams, Slack etc) to have the discussions / review / meeting.

If you're not comfortable with remote interactions till time, assuming that you get the WFH permission, in the beginning, try to schedule most of the meetings during the days when you'll be in office. Schedule minor meetings / discussion with the team on the WFH days to start with, and with time when you get the grip on the remote interactions, you can plan the usual meeting during WFH days. This is also a very needed soft skill (communication) that will help you in future - as not all the teams are co-located and yo may need to work with completely remote teams in future. Consider this as an opportunity and start the practice.

Answer 2

The best way to tackle this is to ask directly. That should be done after some preparation: make sure you have a good plan and answers for all reasonable counter arguments.

Something like this:

Hey boss, due to my family situation with two small kids at home, it would help us enormously if I could work from home two days a week. I don't think this would interfere with my work : I still have three days in the office to do all my one-on-ones and face to face meetings, etc. It probably will even help my productivity since it saves me four hours of commuting that I can partially use to work and the time structure allows for uninterrupted stretches of deep technical work. What do you think ?

If you get a "yes", everything is well. If they are dragging their feet you can increase the urgency. For example

"I understand your concerns but the current situation is really not long term sustainable for me and my family".

This sentence just states a fact. There is no point in tip-toeing around it and it conveys that eventually you will have to leave. The rest is up to them.

Answer 3

You don't have to "threaten" to leave to imply strongly that this is a deal-breaker for you in continuing to stay at the company. You can state your case and explain it nicely.

I have 2 children at home who I need to take care of, and so I need some allowance to work from home. Previously me and my wife have been doing our best to take care of the kids while working 2 jobs, but we've come to the realization that this isn't sustainable for either of us. In order to spend more time with my kids, I really need some work from home allowance, a couple days per week.

See how that goes. If they say ok, then great! If they say no, then the conversation might go something like this:

Them: Sorry, but we really need you here all the time, because [reasons].
You: Unfortunately, my family and kids are my priority and I really need to spend more time with them. Can we work out another way to resolve [reasons]? Perhaps [solutions]?

Maybe you can suggest solutions that will solve their problems, e.g. scheduling meetings on certain days, having remote meetings (via Skype or some other platform), using Slack or some other messenger more, etc. Or not:

Them: Unfortunately those solutions won't work for the company because of [excuses]. We really need you to be here 5 days per week.
You: That's fair enough. Let me discuss this with my family and get back to you tomorrow.

At this point you have done everything you could: you explained the problem, you offered solutions to their counter-problems, and you have not been approved for remote work. At this point, you have been given an ultimatum by the company: If you want work from home, find it elsewhere. So at this point, it is time to find it elsewhere.

(the next day)
You: After having a discussion with my wife about the situation, we've decided that the opportunity of remote work is too important for me and our family. Unfortunately, this means that I will have to tender my resignation at this company. I really enjoyed my time here and I wish I could have continued, but in my current life stage it's simply not practical due to other responsibilities in my life.

And that's it, then you go and find another job. Normally I would advise not leaving your current job until you've found another, but in the meantime while you're job searching you can use that time to also spend time with your kids. The time without a job is valuable to you, so you should use it for all it's worth (providing your household finances can remain intact).