How can I let a coworker know I'm not interested in socializing with him?

Question

There's a coworker at my job who asked me out on my first day and I said no. Since then he keeps trying to socialize with me by sitting next to me while I eat my lunch. I'm really not interested in socializing with him because he's a very rude person and only wants to talk about himself.

Here's what I've tried so far:

• Ignoring him. I don't make eye contact or respond to anything he says. I stare at my phone and talk to other coworkers as if he's not there. He just keeps talking and asking questions or he'll start telling some story about his weekend.
• Putting earbuds in when he sits down. He doesn't leave still. His mouth keeps moving but I listen to music or podcasts so I don't hear him.
• Getting up and moving to another table as soon as he sits down. He follows me and keeps talking.
• Saying I'm saving his seat for another coworker. He says "well I was here first" and doesn't leave.
• Taking my lunch to my cubicle and eating there. He follows me and brings a chair, and keeps talking.
• Saying "I'm not in the mood for conversation. I'd like to be left alone.". He says something like "aww what's wrong?" and doesn't leave me alone.

Answer 1

You should make it very clear to him that you do not want to socialize with him. This can be done eye to eye, but make sure you also send him a message/mail/whatever to give yourself a bit of a paper trail.

If he does not stop after this mention going to your manager/boss about this.

This would be where your paper trail can come in handy, as you can now prove that you already warned him.

As for an example of how to phrase it:

David,

The past few weeks you have been invading my personal space. You make me feel uncomfortable by constantly sitting next to me and talking to me, even though I have made multiple efforts to make clear that I don't want this.

Can you please stop doing this and just leave me alone? Otherwise I will go to manager/boss because this is just becoming harassment.

What I've learned from many years on the internet is that if you start using labels like harassment or assault, they will often back down.

Answer 2

This guy is in love and trying hard. Or, maybe he's the sticky type, or probably both.

Tell him I want to talk to you, take him to one corner, and tell him this:

I want to make this crystal clear. Let's keep our relationship professional.

If he attempted one more time after this, then escalate it to HR.

Answer 3

I think this has become a HR issue. You've made it verbally and physically clear you don't want to engage with this person and they are ignoring that.

Answer 4

Most of your attempts are quite rude in return. You should make sure you don't drop to his level of rudeness (for example don't let him 'talk to the hand' by donning headphones, don't say the seat is reserved when it's not, etc). This will only open up ways for him to dispute your claims if you decided to escalate, since both parties are now at fault somehow.

"I'm not in the mood for conversation. I'd like to be left alone"

This is not a good attempt of communicating the boundaries, it only says that you don't want to be bothered right now! It's a temporary boundary so to say. The first thing you need to do is make sure he knows your permanent boundaries.

Once you have explained your boundaries in detail, and he still keeps harassing you, then it is time to escalate to your manager (not HR). Document every instance of harassment by your coworker, and explain the situation to the manager using that log of incidents. If he is competent, he will take care of the problem. If he doesn't, you have found yourself a hostile work environment and you should probably update your CV.

PS: Also keep in mind that your lunch room is (probably) there for everyone and he has the right to sit there. If you don't want him to sit beside you, it's up to you to change seats (since asking him to sit somewhere else or at least stop talking apparently doesn't work). But if you move to your cubicle for eating your lunch, he has absolutely no business being there if you don't want to, so then you have good grounds for an escalation.