I've recently joined an organization. I'm 2 years 9 months experienced Software Developer and one of my colleagues in my team joined this organization around 6 months ago. He is 3-4 years experienced. Now in these 30 days, while working with him, I've observed that he is quite a selfish guy. He is strong in back-end and I'm strong in Front-end. Whenever he needs a help, he calls me and I help him. But whenever I need a help from him, he helps me 1 out of 10 times and rest of the times, he simply makes an excuse that he is busy or sometimes asks me to search on Internet. Moreover, he has a habit of bragging in a way that he is the God of programming.

Also, I've observed that his behavior is like that expert politician, who likes to show off in front of our Reporting Manager that he cares a lot for the whole team (which he doesn't in actual). Suppose I and he are working on same task and we complete it together then he instantly calls Reporting Manager and tells him that he has completed the task by helping me.

I don't like such kind of selfish behavior and I don't practice such behavior. Can anyone help me on how should I do to deal with him?

  • 5
    What exactly do you want to fix? What's your expected outcome?
    – Aida Paul
    Apr 7, 2020 at 15:02
  • I foresee that many people will write nasty comments that they would act the same if you didn't use the internet throughly before;)
    – guest
    Apr 7, 2020 at 15:13
  • 2
    Are there any perverse incentives which may be causing this? Does your reporting manager tend to reward his behavior? Apr 7, 2020 at 15:13
  • Welcome to office politics. Start being part of such politics.
    – Sara
    Apr 8, 2020 at 1:45
  • When he next asks for help, point out you are busy and refer him to the internet.
    – Solar Mike
    Apr 8, 2020 at 4:56

1 Answer 1


Can anyone help me on how should I do to deal with him?

You have a few options, each with variable risk. It will be hard for anyone to give you an exact answer, but here goes my best shot of offering up some approaches.

  1. Discuss this with your manager, delicately. Say something like "Do you know of a better approach for me when I need assistance from WHOEVER? Maybe your manager can help guide you in establishing a better relationship with this person.
  2. Give them a dose of their own medicine, treat them as they treat you. This doesn't mean be rude, but it does mean help them with the same or similar frequency as they help you. When and if they push you, you can say something along the lines of "I think I assist you more than you assist me."
  3. Seek out another resource that can assist you on the areas where you are weaker. Take some online training in whatever back end language you're using so you don't need help at all.
  4. Speak to your coworker directly. These conversations are not fun, but it maybe worth a one on one conversation with them letting them know you feel they are being difficult to work with at times. Sometimes people don't realize they are being difficult.

And finally, this is not a situation I would get HR involved in.

  • 2
    Don't discuss with manager, unless unavoidable. Managers do not like what they could deem "childish" behaviour. I partly agree with 2. Tone down your help. However, do not make explicit that you are keeping tabs on who helps whom how often. These guys are better than you to play this type of game. You will lose if you put the tabs on the open. 3. Yes, that! Try to cut this person out of your lifeline. 4. is risky. You know him for only 30 days. Observe and see first if he is a person that can be talked to. Some people are brash, but not malicious, these are the ones that can be talked to. Apr 7, 2020 at 21:21

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