An external colleague asked me if I was "being snarky?" when I told one of his report I had already sent them something they asked for. Am I right to find this unprofessional?
For context I am a development tech lead with a small group of developers reporting directly to me. I've been working with my company for 5 years and with this team for 4. I am the only female developer in my group, but I have always felt like a regular part of the team.
For the past year we have been contracting with an implementation partner. I share the tech lead work with another lead on their side. We generally get along pretty well, but there have been times where he treats me differently than the rest of the team.
- When trying to convince me that his opinion is more valid than mine he will reference his years of experience with this platform or with development in general, seemingly dismissing my own years of experience.
- Whenever he disagrees with me he talks in a condescending manner, saying things like "it is just logical" and "this is common sense".
- When I am actively attempting to address a concern with him he sometimes ignores my messages entirely, starting new and unrelated discussions.
Other members of the team have come to me in private to offer support when they notice the disrespect. I have continually shrugged it off, let it go, and continued acting in a firm but professional manner with him.
The other day, I was conversing in our development team chat that spans both my team and the partner team. One of the partner team's developers stated that they were missing some code they needed. I informed them that I had sent it to them last week. I then provided the block of code they needed again, they thanked me, and the chat continued as normal. Half an hour later, the other tech lead dropped this in the group channel:
Just so I am clear. Was your reply intended to be snarky?
This threw me for a loop. I checked back at what I had said, it was very matter-of-fact, but not overtly rude. I replied "No, just pointing out that I sent it last week".
I found this interaction very offensive and unprofessional. Asking that in a group chat with all of my direct reports felt demeaning. I didn't say anything at the time. Thinking about it I am certain he would not have said it if I were male. He has not said anything like that to anyone else in my presence, including developers on his team who are being intentionally rude.
I am considering bringing this behavior to my manager's attention. Am I over-reacting, or is this as unprofessional as I think it is?