This all started before the global pandemic. At the time, I was working at our office location. I was completing my work, but I didn't feel like the job was fulfilling anymore. I just felt like I was putting in time and not really accomplishing anything. I began searching for a new job, and I was going through interview processes for multiple potential new employers. Then suddenly the global pandemic became very serious. All my interviewing processes halted. I was phoned by one of them and told that they'd love to offer me the job, but they are no longer hiring due to the pandemic. I felt like I was going to be trapped in my current job forever. Some other things in my personal life happened around this time involving health concerns of a loved one. Work from home orders were issued, and I began "working" from home. My life seemed like it was turned upside down.
I could never get my work machine to connect to my monitor at home. I tried everything. I think they're just incompatible. So trying to work on a tiny laptop screen with a huge monitor with my personal computer connected to it was very difficult. So I continued looking for jobs during the time I was supposed to be working. I figured that I'd have a new job soon enough, so I didn't bother getting too deep into my work, since I figured I'd just have to abandon it, and the company would just start it from scratch anyway. The problem is, it was suddenly very difficult to even get an interview. I got into a video game during my work time, and I became quite addicted, and wasted so much work time playing it. It's now been nearly half a year, and I've accomplished next to nothing at work. I feel terrible for what I've done, and if I could do it all over, I'd do my best to make sure I have a productive work environment at home, free from distraction. Unfortunately, it's been so long of doing nothing, that if I start now, there's no possible way that I could get enough work in before I am found out. I've shared my situation with my significant other, and they think that I should just try to put as much work in now as I can, and hope they don't notice. I think that there is no possible way that my employer won't notice. I think the only way is to come clean, and hope we can try to work things out. I am fairly certain that this will get me fired, and that it'll happen soon. I've still had no luck applying for jobs, so this isn't something I am ready for.
My question is more of a cry for help. I don't know what I should do. All I know is that I messed up, big time. I have no one to blame but myself, but I don't think it is possible to fix this on my own. I'd really appreciate any advice I can get. I hope readers won't be too upset with me for being such a colossal waste of an employee.