Work colleagues asking for lift home [closed]

Question

I have 2 work colleagues who from time to time ask for a lift home when they're stuck to get home. In the current climate I don't want anyone in my car mainly to protect my family from Covid and also both are a little out of my way, it's an extra 8 miles and 15/20 minutes longer. Especially at 1:30 in the morning when there are no buses, should I feel so guilty by saying no.

Answer 1

If you tell them when they're really stuck without warning then yes you will probably feel a bit guilty as you have left two people without a way to get home in the middle of the night.

Inform them first, say you can't take them home anymore, so they'll have to make sure they're organised in future. You can make up an excuse or just tell them the truth, it's your car, not theirs.

Answer 2

I've had this problem myself in the past, including with a colleague I didn't really like on a personal level.

I think it's the civil thing to do to help people out now and again if something unexpected has happened - a car breakdown, for example - but it should be once in a blue moon, and for a maximum of a few days in a row.

As I also once explained to someone who suggested alternate car-sharing to work, I like the time in the car to relax and wind down. I find that shared transport creates inflexibility and a constant need to coordinate - if the designated driver would be leaving early, late, on holiday, or not going directly home. The value of saved fuel is a trifle compared to the hassle.

If you're being asked more than once or twice a year - and adding many miles and 20 minutes on top of your commute - I'd definitely be prepared to have the conversation next time they ask, that this is the last time for the foreseeable future, and they need to think about making other arrangements that don't rely on goodwill.

If it's not even an emergency as such, but an awkward Sunday night shift when the buses don't run, or some other foreseeable requirement, then it's up to them to have the conversation with the employer about shift patterns, or find another job - or get a car, or pay the going rate for a taxi as part of the cost of working.

At the end of the day (literally), you're also tired at 0130 in the morning, and are not running a taxi service on top of your day job.

So no, I wouldn't feel guilty about setting limits once you've already done a number of good turns.

Edit: @gidds below notes that I do not make any mention of Covid. That's because I've chosen to address my answer to the timeless aspects of this problem.

The colleague who is asking for assistance runs a symmetrical risk in relation to Covid by being in the car, and they are presumably in the same workplace all day, so I'm not sure the OP would get the mileage he wants out of that argument.

Moreover, I don't really think the OP wants to go down the road of treating his colleagues like lepers. He wants to have a conversation about the fairness of fulfilling such repeated requests, and how the colleague is coming to rely on his goodwill as part of his overall transport solution which is hitch-hiking, rather than rearranging his affairs (in whatever way) so that he probably doesn't have to ask again.

Answer 3

Neither you nor the commenters have suggested it, but just in case you were considering it:

Be very cautious if you consider starting to charge them for it, as a dis-incentive.

Obviously, the issue for you isn't really that it's leaving you out-of-pocket, but you still might be tempted to think "If I tell them they have to pay, then they might ask less often!"

Unfortunately there's been research into such interactions (done in Israel, and made famous by Freakonomics) which found that as soon as you start to implement a financial penalty, the moral and social costs get removed, and the other parties feel free to use the service as often as they like:

Being late meant relying on the generosity of one teacher, who would inevitably stay late to look after your child. Being late meant facing that same teacher and having to apologize to her for the inconvenience of waiting.

All of which prompted us to wonder: what would happen if these day care centers stopped relying on generosity and started relying on a financial incentive — like a fine — to discourage parents from showing up late? Few would have predicted what we found: introducing a financial penalty for showing up late actually caused parents to do just that. Parents stopped showing up on time entirely.

Ultimately, taking this approach might make things worse, and the money wouldn't actually fix most of things that bother you about it.