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So I left a shitty IT service based company, also served the 3 odd months notice period there.

I had a good bond with coworkers there and helped them with coding because I'm good at it.

There is one coworker who didn't know how to write proper logic and programs, so I helped her a lot, after leaving the job (1 week ago) she keeps calling me to help her in her own work, I did it 2-3 times for 3-4 hours a day.

She calls me and simply asks whether I'm free or not which I am most of the time because I don't have a family to spend time with and due to lockdown I don't go out much, and she knows that as we had a good bonding.

I think it's too much, I had a good bonding with her and use to crack jokes here and there but no I'm not here to do her job that takes 3-4 hours. If she doesn't understand how to write basic algorithms or programs then she should learn it or just change the job.

I've been helping her for the last 4 months but now don't want to, I have my stuff to do and even if I'm free that doesn't mean I want to work again, maybe I'm just enjoying myself or watching a movie.

I want to ask how to deal with her as I had a good bonding with her. I could ignore her by not picking up her calls, replying to her messages or by just telling her "just leave me now".

I'm asking it here because most people here have experiences at previous jobs so they can help better.

PS: My joining to other company is after 2 months, so she understands that I'm mostly free currently.

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  • Sounds like a classic codependency problem. Sometimes friendships can survive one party telling the other off, sometimes they can be strengthened by it, sometimes they can't survive it at all. I think it's ultimately a question of priorities for you..
    – neubert
    Feb 8, 2021 at 20:19
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    I wonder if you would get a more relevant answer on Interpersonal Skills. In What topics can I ask about here? it says using or understanding interpersonal interactions to resolve specific problems or prevent problems from occurring with a specific goal in mind. This includes interactions with family, friends, work/school associates, acquaintances or strangers (or anyone else). It sounds like this is an issue with your friendship, and not with your workplace.
    – ColleenV
    Feb 8, 2021 at 20:24
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    4 months? I would not have managed 4 days... and no way 4 hours a day. Time to say you have a project on.
    – Solar Mike
    Feb 8, 2021 at 20:33
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    When you help her, do you help her do the work, or do you do the work for her?
    – DaveG
    Feb 8, 2021 at 21:14
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    Sorry man, but if you really worry that much about what she thinks of you, then is really nothing we can say in an answer that would convince you to do the right thing in this case. Your mindset needs to change. Your personality needs to change. You need to do a lot of inner work on yourself. drglover.com/no-more-mr-nice-guy/the-book.html Feb 8, 2021 at 21:32

2 Answers 2

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You need to set boundaries, but you can do it in a very caring and compassionate way, while giving some advise on executive maturity.

"Hey, we had a very productive working relationship, and I value our friendship, and I really don't want you to take this the wrong way or be offended, but, I don't work there anymore. I appreciate you feel you can trust me, and from a professional collogue perspective, if you have a quick question I can answer in a minute or two every so often, please reach out. But, they don't pay me, and, since they don't pay me, it's professionally inappropriate, and possibly a conflict of interest, if I continue to help you with more than just a quick reference answer."

And, if it continues, just like Doliprane said, you will have to enforce those boundaries.

We deal with these kinds of situations at work when people change work locations/teams/companies. A lot of times, people, especially younger, and those with limited corporate or professional environment experience, don't realize what they are doing is inappropriate. And that's where imparting the "executive maturity" advice gives ongoing benefits to all.

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"Hey, I'm sorry to tell you this but I can't help you anymore. I really need to enjoy my free time and not think about work at all before I can start again. It might sound selfish to you, but this little break is really important to me and to my health. I hope you understand."

If she doesn't understand, cut her off. You don't want a needy friend who doesn't respect your boundaries. Just block her number and forget about her existence, then enjoy your lazy time.

You probably don't believe it yourself, but this free time you have now is really needed, and it's important that you don't disrupt it with work, especially work that you hated to do and you want to forget about. During breaks like this, you really need to be a little selfish and focus on your health, instead of what people that used to work with you think about you.

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