I'm frustrated and trying to figure out how to deal with this situation without showing how angry I am. I'm resentful I should have to do all this work just to get basic respectful inclusion in what's going on... I've been an IT sysadmin at the same agency for 15+ years. I created and manage most if not all the infrastructure that enables most of what people can do: servers, networking, firewall, software, etc. I work a lot by myself but I never felt excessively left out until this year.
This January we got a new boss/supervisor/whatever it's called, who works in his own agency site 2+ hours away and comes to my agency once every 2 weeks. Previous boss quit and left a lot of stuff to clear up, sigh.
No, it's not optimal.
- He's spoken to me in person only 2 times, once the first day he was here, once to summon me to answer some questions, and once on the phone to try unsuccessfully to help me with something (this phone call was in January before I realized he was avoiding me).
- I have seen him meeting with other people or looking intently at a notebook screen.
- He does respond to emails...approvals and the like.
- I am also one of the only disabled people working in this agency -- I'm deaf/HH and use a hearing aid to communicate but I can usually pass for Hearing in a 1:1 setting so this should not be an issue...
I am very puzzled and have no idea what's going on and why he's not talking to me, not even to say respectfully, 'What do you do here, how can I help you do better?? -- not even basic management 101 stuff like this.
I am forced to conclude despite my feelings/emotions that I am forced to do all the work to try to fix this up.
*I would appreciate suggestions how to:
- not get angry, blow up, whenever I get around to doing anything, so as not to make things worse (e.g. manage my own thoughts/feelings without a lot of vodka every night, lol)
- raise the subject, somehow show I feel frustrated, disrespected, ostracized -- or however to put it -- e.g. should I use email?? walk up to him?? ask straight out 'Why are you ostracizing me??'*
Not being fluent in people things, being ND, does not help either. I don't know a lot about how people think and I do realize I have no idea why he's not talking/interacting with me like with other people. I have a lot to contribute and he barely knows what I do or what I can do.
I am frustrated that I have to do this all by myself but it increasingly looks more and more like the only way to preserve my sanity. I need to work another 4.5 years before I can retire...
I feel ostracized (and angry, frustrated) and I don't know why I'm ostracized. I can't think of what I did to offend him or he has some grudge or complaint against/about me or he's planning with others to get rid of me. I can think of a million possible reasons. I don't have anyone here at work to talk with about this, I don't trust anyone for various reasons.
Changing jobs is not an option.
Thank you. :)