How can I maintain cooperation while declining meetings scheduled past my local bed time?

Question

The project manager has asked me to have an every-other-week, one-on-one check-in with an international colleague in another time zone. The meeting time has been slotted for 9:45PM-11PM my time.

My concern with this request is two-fold:

1. I've put a lot of effort into making a consistent habit of going to bed (asleep) by 10PM on weeknights and getting up at 5:30AM on weekday mornings. Getting less sleep or haphazardly altering that schedule makes me tired the following day.
2. My partner has done the same and is a light sleeper. Me sneaking into bed at 11PM+ is guaranteed to interrupt their sleep as well.

Under dire or self-inflicted circumstances—such as the server is on fire or there's a critically harmful bug I introduced—I'm willing to stay up as long as necessary in order to resolve the problem. But I feel that this particular request for regularly scheduled late-night meetings infringes too heavily on my personal time and is caused by (hiring) logistics outside of my responsibility.

Is it fairly expected that I should submit to this request? Or is it reasonable to deny the request reasonably while still maintaining a cooperative attitude?

Answer 1

Is it fairly expected that I should submit to this request?

Not for a bi-weekly 1 on 1. That seems way more painful than it needs to be. If the other party is 13 hours ahead, the meeting for them would be from 10:45am to noon. The other person should be able to do 2 hours earlier without any inconvenience.

If there are more people and time zones involved things can get more tricky, but if it's only the two of you and it occurs frequently both parties should be willing to make this more tolerable.

Or is it reasonable to deny the request reasonably while still maintaining a cooperative attitude?

Denying outright is not reasonable either. Make some constructive suggestion to make it better: Look at times that could work for both of you (https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/meeting.html ), consider doing the call early in your day, optimize meeting time spend by agreeing to have a clear agenda ahead of the meeting and cancel if the agenda isn't "full enough", maybe you can bring it down to once a week if you are efficient enough. Maybe it can be shortened. Brainstorm other solutions: two 1:1s for over an hour per week seems excessive. Why is this necessary, what are the goals of these meetings and what alternatives could be considered?

If nothing of these works you can get more assertive. This is a non-trivial commitment outside of regular work hours. Start talking about comp time, "hazard" pay, or other benefits the company should provide.

If they still insist, you have a decision to make. You can say "no" but it's not going to help your career. On the other hand, an employer that is that demanding and inflexible ma not be such a great career choice anyway.

Update

The answer above was written by (erroneously) assuming twice a week instead of once every two weeks. I think it's still applicable but here are some additional thoughts:

• Once every two weeks is a reasonable ask. One hour and 15 minutes still feels long for a 1:1 but can probably adjusted as needed
• The time slot is NOT reasonable. Common courtesy would be to minimize the pain for all parties. Better choices could 8pm(you)/9am(them) or maybe 6am(you)/7pm(them). I'm an early riser so I didn't mind doing China calls early in the morning
• Once every two weeks is not the end of the world. Maybe put it on a Friday so you can sleep in on Saturday.

Answer 2

The request for a meeting is a reasonable instruction. The times that have been suggested might mean that it is not.

I see from the comments that there's a 13 hour time difference. 9:45pm would correspond to 10:45am, which suggests around two hours of what could be considered normal working time for your colleague. Even if there is a good reason why only you should have to work outside normal hours, an 8:45am start for your colleague would let you finish work at 9pm.

It may also be relevant where you are. In Western Europe legislation (the EU Working Time Directive 2003/88 and national implementations of it) mandates 11 hours continuous rest in any period of 24. If you're in the EU or UK, working until 11pm would mean you would not start work the next day before 10am.

The way to approach this would be as a benefit to the company - it's in no one's interest to have staff tired and unable to work effectively. The personal schedules included in the question are useful to us, but your employer doesn't have to care about that, so doesn't have to be told - I would restrict the conversation to professional factors.

It's a general rule of employment that all reasonable management instructions should be treated as contractual. In this case, the question of whether the instruction is reasonable would seem to depend on the details of how it was operated.

Cooperation doesn't have to mean accepting the first suggestion without raising any legitimate issues you had with it.

Answer 3

13 hours ahead is obviously bad. I have to work with Australians sometimes; they are 12 hours ahead of me. There is very little direct communication. But I have all day to do my work, send it to them, they have then all day to look at it, figure out if it is exactly what they want, send suggestions back etc. That works quite well once you're used to it. We can do nine working days in a week between us. As I said, no direct communication.

13 hours ahead: Your manager could do the 1-to-1 at 8am and you do it at 9pm. Slighty inconvenient for the manager, a lot better for you. But definitely the manager ought to schedule your 1-to-1 before any others in the morning. It might be better if you do the 1-to-1 as soon as you get up at 5:30am and call him at 4:30pm his time. Or if it is possible, he could contact you as soon as he arrives home, say 6pm or 7pm his time which would be 7am or 8am your time.

The important thing is to talk to your manager, and if they are reasonable, a reasonable outcome should be possible.

PS I have heard that plenty of people in India who need to communicate with the UK have moved their working hours by five hours. Which is Ok with some people, not with everyone. So you would put the people who don't mind into the positions where they have to communicate.

Answer 4

Probably, you can try one of the following:

1. Tell the project manager that if you stay up late to talk to the international colleague one night, then the next day, you should be allowed to show up at work around 11:00 AM. Tell him exactly what you write here that is : if you stay up too late, you will feel very tired at work the next day and need extra time to sleep.

2. Tell the project manager that the task of talking to the international colleague should perhaps be rotated among many members of your current team. If you take that task this time, the next time someone else should take it.

3. Ask the project manager to ask the international colleague to adjust their schedule for the video meeting. Is it possible to have the video meeting in this manner : if one month you stay up late at night, and then next month that international colleague should stay up late at night for that meeting ?

Answer 5

You can maintain cooperation accepting the possibility of having meetings outside your working hours, either before or after (which means, shifting your working hours when the meeting has place).

It's cooperative enough. You don't stick to your usual working schedule and accept to be more flexible in order to comply with the challenges of the international cooperation. But it shouldn't be at the cost of your working balance.

Scheduling meeting middle in the night is absolutely inappropriate. Your manager should ask you instead, if it wouldn't be a problem for you to do a meeting in that time window, before even scheduling it. You need to put clear personal boundaries.

Answer 6

Whomever arranged the meeting may not understand that you most likely would be ok with a 6am meeting. So if you try to get it rescheduled also try to say you are an early riser, then instead of being 13 hours ahead you are 11 hours behind.

Answer 7

Your PM is probably taking advantage of you. Have them reschedule the meeting so it is more reasonable for you. Is the international team member a bigwig?