I admit I have a problem.
Clearly I do, as I am about to lose my job for the third time.
I don't think anyone of my team or the organisation that I work for likes me, and I am not sure what to do about it.
I will start with my background.
I have 25 years experience in IT.
I have literally seen the good, the bad, and the ugly in the industry.
I am getting older, technology advances, and I am getting busy with family and study...
All that makes it much harder for me to find a tech job, especially considering that a fresh graduate now knows as much as I do and even better, and for half my salary.
With my broad experience I focused on management. I got an MBA, and a PhD.
But I cannot communicate properly.
I stutter when I talk... and cannot focus much (especially English is my second language and I work in the US).
I keep repeating the same point over and over. I start seeing people complain... although they do not say it... but I see it in their gestures and faces.
Add to this that I have rigid facial features and I think the way I talk makes people think I am abrupt... although I am very friendly and easygoing.
I have tried looking at YouTube videos of how to speak confidently and how to become a good communicator...
I am willing to work in a junior job just with half my salary just to find stability and not to worry of getting fires for the third time due to my bad communication skills.
Shall I give up looking up and accept that all my experience and education is worthless and just accept a boring job where no communication is needed?
Shall I keep embarrassing myself and put my family in hardship every time I lose a job and put stress and anxiety to me and my whole family?
Shall I quit before they fire me? At least I would keep some of my dignity.
Just a note: I do not have an English language problem. My IELTS in conversation score was 8.5/9, and I have published research in reputable journals.