My partner has had a new job for just under a year now. The company is small and has about 50 employees.

My partner handed over his friend's CV. Friend gets an offer letter for the job. My boyfriend and his mate didn't see each other for a year due to COVID-19. After this we meet up at our house and his mate arrives high from weed, and he had driven a substantial distance this way.

Next day my partner called his friend to call him out on his behavior, but when my boyfriend said he shouldn't drive whilst being high, he said to my boyfriend that he is being judgmental.

What should my boyfriend do? Should he let this person come and work at this company while risking his name for vouching for him or should he tell his boss, the director of the company about this experience? Or should he just let the person come to work without saying anything and see what happens?

We are worried he might turn up at work high; if you drive like this that might mean you become capable of a lot of things. They have known each other for some years and my boyfriend said he was out of character. They don't talk a lot recently and as I mentioned before they didn't meet for a year.

At the moment he has an unconditional offer and he will start in about 3 weeks time.

  • 2
    If I were in your BF's position, I'd ask the friend to limit his use so that he is not visibly impacted at work, because it would make me look bad in the eyes of management and coworkers. What he does outside work, however, should not be brought into work, IMO. The consequences of driving while affected, while a bad idea, and your BF should discourage him from doing it, is ultimately on the friend himself (and passengers). You are adults.
    – Pete W
    Sep 14, 2021 at 18:00
  • 8
    Does your boyfriend work in a job where there's an expectation that employees should report it if someone is unfit for work (like construction) or would otherwise pose a safety danger outside of the commute (medical, operating heavy machinery)? Is this a question of your boyfriend potentially losing his job if he remains silent or is this strictly about his reputation?
    – BSMP
    Sep 14, 2021 at 18:37
  • Its strictly about his reputation and to not to bring any stress to the workplace hence the behaviour of his friend is very discouraging to work together.
    – user129430
    Sep 14, 2021 at 19:14
  • 2
    As noted in another comment, this all sounds very retributive. It's also only allegations, and depending on what jurisdiction you're in, the report could actually harm you. What if the boss likes to smoke up? Are you going to report them next? What if other coworkers like to smoke up? Are they next?
    – Malisbad
    Sep 15, 2021 at 0:52
  • Is weed legal at your location?
    – PagMax
    Sep 15, 2021 at 10:24

3 Answers 3


Should my partner report his friends behavior to his boss? The friend didn’t start working yet


All your partner did, according to your post, is hand over the CV of this friend to the company. The company presumably interviewed the friend and liked them enough to hire them.

If this friend decides to show up to work high or to behave unprofessionally in any other way, it is solely on the friend and not the partner. Your partner is in no way responsible for the actions of anyone except their own. Any reasonable company will realize this and will not retaliate against your partner.

  • 9
    While I have no idea about the best approach to handle this, I disagree that it won't reflect badly on OP's partner. His standing and reputation will take some hit with his company if his friend behaves unprofessionally. The blame game to pin responsbility on somebody for hiring such a person will happen and OP will be called out for his "poor" judgement in referring such a person to the company. It may be worse if drugs are involved.
    – sfxedit
    Sep 14, 2021 at 21:57
  • 2
    This is the best advice because you're involving yourself and inviting all sorts of problems. This person coming over to OP's home allegedly high, and then having all of this background about their interactions, and then talking about reporting him to work sounds retributive. If OP and their boyfriend actually cared about this person being "out of character", they would talk to them directly. Instead, they want to punish this person for "being rude".
    – Malisbad
    Sep 15, 2021 at 0:48
  • @Malisbad "Next day my partner called his friend to call him out on his behavior," I think the reaction to "should we report him ?" comes from the fact that the friend did not care about them "he wasn't interested how my partner feels at all.". So the boyfriend probably got scared that this would reflect on him at work or/and maybe that the friend would have the same kind of behavior towards him at work than on phone (not carring about what he thinks, questionning his judgment in front of everyone etc..). Sep 15, 2021 at 7:00
  • 1
    @Malisbad I did not try to suggest that anyone is in the right or not. I was merely poiting out that you said "they would talk to them directly.", when they clearly did. I do agree that is was probably not the best way to "call him out" but it doesn't change the fact that they tried to talk to him and understand / resolve the situation between themselves. You are right again about the unproven allegations part, but it is highly likely that this guy will act the same way (not the getting high part, but the behavior one) at work. Sep 15, 2021 at 8:29
  • 3
    Future misbehavior may rebound on the reputation of the person who recommends the guy. But if you recommend someone and then turn around and say "Actually they're a horrible choice" that will definitely reflect badly.
    – Stuart F
    Sep 15, 2021 at 11:08

What should my boyfriend do?

He could not have vouched the guy in the very beginning if he felt that things could go wrong. I personally refused to hand the CV of some friends (emphasis...) because I feared them to be toxic in the work environment or somehow damage my reputation.

Of course, no one is going to blame your partner if he didn't have any suspicion of what could come next. Assuming he did made the best choice according to the information available to him.

Or should he just let the person come to work without saying anything and see what happens?

Now he's done so, better see how it goes. As stated in the accepted answer, the company has already vetted the candidate. They didn't blindly hired him because of a recommendation.

We are worried he might turn up at work high

That's not a workplace problem unless your real intention is to shame the guy's name all over the world. This particular issue is a better fit for the police than the employer. Driving under influence is a very serious stuff, but I won't (morally) judge those who either call the police home to arrest this guy* or be silent at him in the name of friendship.

Nobody here mentioned lecturing him about what he has done, nor offered to help him stop this behaviour. That's what friendship is, and shows there is an alternate course of actions.

if you drive like this that might mean you become capable of a lot of things

That's a fully subjective statement, or the word might is not emphasized enough. I personally know a number of people who have been occasionally driving under the influence of weed (and I always condemn such actions) but in the end they never crashed, they eventually ceased smoking weed and now have their own families with children, and laugh thinking about their youth and the stupid things they did.

*Note: I made a mistake, as in a lot of jurisdictions in the real world the police can charge/arrest a suspect only when they witness the crime, so there can be no punishment for someone that already ended driving, thus still drunk. However, I hope readers understand the meaning of my earlier statement.


What should my boyfriend do? Should he let this person to come and work at this company whilst risking his name for vouching for him or should he tell his boss, the director of the company about this experience? Or should he just let the person come to work without saying anything and see what happends?

Tell your boss about this.

If you say nothing, you're inviting an arrogant druggie to your workplace, and you will be blamed for supporting him. Hiding this behaviour is nothing good for you, now that you invited him.

If he was just some stranger you met once, you already might want to put a word in for such behaviour, but if you are the one that brought him in, that makes you partially responsible for him entering the company and whatever will happen after.

  • OP didn't hire this person, the company did. Unless OP saw this guy high at work, it's not the company's business off work.
    – JeffC
    Sep 15, 2021 at 4:31
  • 2
    @JeffC It's the OP's partner that recommended them, though, so it's the OP's partner's reputation that's on the line if the recommendation behaves inappropriately.
    – nick012000
    Sep 15, 2021 at 6:31
  • 6
    Being high while visiting a friend during the evening says nothing about how he will conduct himself at work, that's absurd.
    – Echox
    Sep 15, 2021 at 8:33
  • 2
    How will it affect the person's reputation if they recommend someone and then shortly after say "Sorry, they're horrible, don't give them a job!" That's guaranteed to make you look stupid, while anything else only carries a risk of looking stupid.
    – Stuart F
    Sep 15, 2021 at 11:10

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