Am I right in thinking that my spouse's salary is irrelevant to my own raise?

Question

I work in IT in Nevada, USA. My wife was hired by my employer's accounting department a few months ago. My employer typically announces next year's raises just before Christmas. Despite record profits we got no Christmas bonus or CoLA (despite record inflation in my area), let alone legitimate raises.

I spoke to my boss about a raise, saying that I at least need CoLA to maintain my quality of life. His response was that because accounting hired my wife, the company has given my "household" a $50K raise. I replied that we're talking about my salary for my work, and my wife's salary for my wife's work is irrelevant. Also, it should be noted that I'm the only one left on my team, everyone else quit and it is taking months to hire. He got angry that I was being "entitled" and ended the call (we're still remote due to COVID).

Who was in the wrong here?

Answer 1

Your wife's salary should never be point of discussion in your own salary negotiation. For good or bad. It's about you, your part in the success of the company and your compensation for this.

Bringing up your wife's salary is also fishy since you mentioned your wife is working in a different department. Your boss should not even know what your wife makes or what she made before she started that job.

The rest of your team probably quit for a reason. Perhaps multiple reasons. You seem to have found at least two of those reasons. Your boss and your salary.

Answer 2

I like nvoigt's answer, and your boss certainly threw the most irrelevant points, but there is an argument that neither of you were quite right.

No raise in relation to the cost of living means that your employer will be at a disadvantage compared to the market rate. Whether it allows you to maintain your quality of life is something you'll want to consider, but not something your employer will care about.

Another important point you made to us (but I'm not sure whether you raised it with your boss) is that you've taken on additional workload and responsibility. This means you'll be looking at market rates for different - and presumably higher-paid - jobs.

It sounds like the conversation went off the rails into emotional factors, which should always be irrelevant. Your boss took it further, but I suspect they might be able to say "you started it" in bringing up your quality of life - suggesting that a second income from your wife could be relevant when it wasn't.

Employment is a financial transaction. The legitimate reason to argue for a raise is market rates (or as nvoigt nicely puts it "you, your part in the success of the company and your compensation"). This also puts you in a stronger negotiating position, since if you're looking at market rates it's implied that you're also looking at other employers.

Answer 3

So many Red Flags - prepare your plan B.

Despite record profits we got no Christmas bonus or CoLA (despite record inflation in my area), let alone legitimate raises.

A huge red flag that your company is greedy beyond any sanity. In my experience this is most likely to happen when a take-over is being sought by management (i.e. someone else take's over the company) or when venture capitalists are planning to bail. They could be planning out-sourcing work. Something like that may be on the cards and if it is it's quite common for redundancies to follow those events.

Something to think about. Look for other signs.

I spoke to my boss about a raise, saying that I at least need CoLA to maintain my quality of life.

Good move.

His response was that because accounting hired my wife, the company has given my "household" a $50K raise.

That's just so far off the deep end we're practically on the sea floor. It's an appalling response.

I replied that we're talking about my salary for my work, and my wife's salary for my wife's work is irrelevant.

You are correct and it should under no circumstances have been mentioned by your boss. Well done on stating that to your boss.

Also, it should be noted that I'm the only one left on my team, everyone else quit and it is taking months to hire.

This is another sign that things are not as they seem. People have left and people are not coming in means that there may actually be a company wide problem.

Note this situation means you would, under normal circumstances, have an extremely strong bargaining position for a raise well above cost of living. Yet they are offering nothing !

It's probably time to get your CV in order and checking out other options.

He got angry that I was being "entitled" and ended the call

Just conformation that he has no options and no plan B. And, for the record, you are, under those conditions, "entitled" to seek more money for your work as they need you.

I really think something may be going on beyond they manager's control and possibly even beyond his knowledge. You (and your wife) need to investigate other options as there are possible signs here that this company may have serious changes coming.

Answer 4

Your boss's statement seems stupid and irrelevant to me.

Unless he knows what her salary was before she was hired by your company, how can he know what your "household" was making previously?

And if there were such a thing as a company paying "household salary", you would be getting a combined check. I've never heard of such a thing, and each employee should be considered individually. You don't get less consideration just because they also hired your spouse.

However, if no one in the company received CoLA raises, I'm not sure why you think you should be singled out and get it. You should instead find reasons for them to give you a raise based on your merit. For instance, if you're the only one left in your team, and you're achieving the team goals, you probably deserve more than when you were just one of several.

But you should avoid an ultimatum -- don't try "Would you like to have no one left on this team?" Employers know that no one is indispensible.

Answer 5

There are places in the world and businesses based on family ties where this MAY be relevant. These are outside of US for sure.

Not only your boss is fundamentally wrong to mix your and your wife's employment matters, but it can also be understood as a hint that you are more vulnerable because the company may fire BOTH you and your wife at once.

In some places (e.g. EU) your boss may get in trouble for this.

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You are in fact more vulnerable even if your boss has pretty much the best intentions. If your common employer bankrupts, you and your wife are in worse position than the case where only one of you is out of job.

Your employer is in trouble, no matter what the accounting numbers look like. Annoying all of the employees at once is not something a healthy employer can afford.

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p.s.

I work for a very small company that pretty much needs my wife's skill set. My stance about her joining us is a big fat NO. Guess why.

p.s. 2

On the other hand, your own "I ... need CoLA" or other "need"-based argument is almost equally wrong. You WANT or ASK or maybe even EXPECT more money. Your needs are your own business, unless the employer is your mom.