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At work places we have to stay independent to complete our services properly, right? In my new work place, there are 2 other girls, quite of my same age. So I greet them friendly and try to maintain good friendship. But I'm kind of concerned whether they'll try to overpower me in the name of friendship. I know one of the girls like to boss around even though she is not the head, she kind of bosses the other girl. I'm still new.

But she is not reluctant to talk aloud and ask things around even Infront of the head. How to maintain a friendly environment while not getting bossed, and keep my independence? Otherwise the head might also think that I'm also working according to those girls' clique and my efforts might get devalued...

When we have dinner outings/parties etc. I need to hang out with them, otherwise I'll be lonely. But still I don't want to be completely dependent on them or get bossed. Need to maintain my independence too while being friends. How to do this without creating any misunderstandings.

Any advices? Thanks a lot in advance.

P.S.

I also like team work done with good cooperation. And to contribute well to the team work also we need to keep our mind clear without being dependent on anyone's else's bossing so that we can give our best when required, that's what I thought .

I've met people who try to boss like the girl mentioned above, without even proper responsibility too, and then through their speeches they spread false info. So sometimes you get in to doing incorrect things. I usually get overwhelmed when someone is talking a lot like that, and then I can't concentrate. Also she express ideas in different directions which sometimes misinterprets the actual work to be done, and she silently goes and does the right thing herself. Because she is forward she finds out many details on things which are going on. It's partly through gossiping too.

So how can I keep in touch with info, still avoid having to listen to a lot of gossip, but still maintain friendly attitude. She sometimes asks questions Infront of head, I don't know whether to imply as if she is the one who is managing my work also. So I need to get rid of that attitude. I know if she tries to overpower me too much, we won't be able to maintain the friendly attitude, because we both will know in reality the thing is not right and we won't be able to do any group work successfully either...

I mean she is forward, she is not ashamed to talk like that and ask questions in bossy attitude even Infront of the head. But I'm not like that, so I can't understand what to do and why some people do like that either. I'm a bit senior in position than them too, but usually I like to give other people space too, so I don't try to boss anyone around. But on the other hand I'd like to maintain my work clear, cooperate with all, and stay out of trouble. I'm kind of anxious where I'm heading though because I have to hang out with those two, what if they try to affect me?

Also,

Like you know, sometimes when you make friends with people they naturally tell you things, it’s kind of a mutual implication. So like that, to find out about things is there something I should tell others naturally/do something so that they would react to me in a NATURAL way?

I know I can’t make exact friends with the 2 girls because of their nature, but I’m trying to at least maintain the friendly attitude so that it will help at work. But if they reject me on my face (like refuse to answer my question/ give false info knowingly and then laugh at it later) when I’m dependent on them for info, then it will be offensive and since both of us know what happened, even if I try to forget what they did and try to recreate the friendly environment they will not allow it. They will continue to offend I think because they want me to react to the offence they made. This has happened with another set of people so I know. At that time I tried to keep friendly with all, helped everyone as much as possible, even if I knew we are different, but apparently still they wanted to break my peace. So I’m thinking maybe I am missing something, should I tell them something/imply something?.

As an example, when you go to a new work place you first ask from your seniors/ peers and find out about the company culture. If you don’t do this sometimes people look at you strangely. Like that, maybe I should tell /imply them something so that they won’t act on me in this strange way? (I can’t figure out what though). Btw, I’m kind of introverted, but I have extraverted qualities too. So, I think because I’m an introvert I can understand feeling expressed by others easily and establish friendly conversations with people in first instance, whether they are manipulative/good/bad etc. How their nature affects me I should control but sometimes I don’t understand what’s missing in me/my speech/my implications. Also, I’ve observed that people like above 2 girls sometimes when they see people coming for friendly chats with me in short period of times, they feel as if they should get that chance rather and starts drama and then I feel messed up. Then others also begin to look at me strangely..

And I don’t know why they eye me that way. With regards to what other people do - they enjoy my chat and I'm just trying to maintain the friendly attitude and we haven’t even become exact friends yet because all types of people can approach for good chats with me as I said earlier. I don’t still even know whether they are manipulative/good/bad, just trying to be normal friendly, nothing much big. But they see/view it as something big and hence the drama. I don’t know why…

Please advise me further (for the explanations added above after P.S. as well) if possible. Many thanks in advance.

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    when your "PS" is twice as long as the original post, it's a good sign that the post needs some rewriting. i find it rather hard to follow.
    – foerno
    Jan 13 at 20:34

3 Answers 3

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Being friendly doens't mean letting people boss you around.

If taking direction from them is a condition of their friendship, then they aren't being friendly, they're being manipulative. My experience is that people like this seek easy targets. If you do as they ask, they will keep doing it. Gently push back and they will stop. If they don't stop, push back harder until they do.

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  • Thank you very much @TigerGuy your advice is very useful to me and is a strength. I have felt the manipulative effects, I am currently trying to keep up my space too. At work certain things like whether to come formal/casual to certain events, certain times going for outings etc., sometimes it's difficult to ask each and everything from the head or other seniors. Then sometimes I have to ask these girls. But when I continue to maintain my own space in one hand they might show resistance to tell me in the future.
    – Hasini
    Jan 13 at 16:01
  • And on the other hand since they are forward (or due to some other quality), they have already assigned themselves certain common activities like collecting money for events etc. so they are in contact with others and head frequently so they have easy access to info. Then it's not like me calling specifically to ask about the questions I have. They get a natural way to clarify things. Is there a way that I can imply/communicate to the head or others so that they tell me about things naturally and smoothly too?
    – Hasini
    Jan 13 at 16:02
  • I added another small note to the end of my question @TIgerGuy
    – Hasini
    Jan 13 at 16:28
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At work places we have to stay independent to complete our services properly, right

Wrong. A (good) workplace is a team effort where you work with your team to get things done.

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  • Sure. I didn't mean about the team work though...I also like team work done with good cooperation. And to contribute well to the team work also we need to keep our mind clear without being dependent on anyone's else's bossing so that we can give our best when required, that's what I thought ..
    – Hasini
    Jan 13 at 13:40
  • thanks a lot @PhilipKendall if you have further suggestions regarding this too please be kind enough to let me know
    – Hasini
    Jan 13 at 13:49
  • My suggestion is that all this should be in your question, not as comments on an answer. Jan 13 at 13:58
  • Sorry, @PhilipKendall I will edit my question
    – Hasini
    Jan 13 at 14:00
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When we have dinner outings/parties etc. I need to hang out with them, otherwise I'll be lonely. But still I don't want to be completely dependent on them or get bossed. Need to maintain my independence too while being friends. How to do this without creating any misunderstandings.

In your free time it's perfectly normal to primarily want to hang out with girls your own age. However in a work-context I think you should not limit yourself just to them. Maybe men/women (a lot) older can also be fun/interesting company during a work-event, without having to become besties with them. At the same the time this makes you less dependent from both of these two girls.

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  • Thank you @thieupepijin yes that's what I'm trying to do precisely. I try to move on with every one. But at parties/outings though I don't get much chance with the seniors since they get occupied with their other friends/families. It gets awkward. And on the other hand I'm not sure whether these girls will regard/care me when I'm continuing to move with everyone at the office but come with them at occasions like events... I added another small note also to the end of my question
    – Hasini
    Jan 13 at 16:32

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