Invited to give talk, but want to refuse

Question

I'm currently WFH and I feel a bit embarrassed about how tentative I have been about returning to normal life (which is largely due to my elderly father and girlfriend, whom I both live with, being quite vulnerable to Covid). My supervisor is not keen on me WFH, but she tolerates it for the moment.

The CEO of my company has asked that I provide a talk (along with about a hundred other talks) to... people (it's not quite clear who) in June for a product that I've developed for the company. The product does everything that has been asked, but my direct supervisor doesn't really care about this and secretly wishes that I would work on her personal projects instead. I think my supervisor feels that if I was in the office she could direct me more easily.

The 5 minute talk that I'm supposed to give is seriously inconvenient. I live just outside Reading in the UK and I've been asked to present in Sheffield (3.5 hour drive). I don't drive and all expenses are to be paid for by myself. It's also expected that I'd attend the other 100 talks though they are entirely irrelevant to what I'm working on.

I am quite concerned that not turning up could ultimately cost me my job. My supervisor is already unhappy with me, and though she doesn't care about either the talk or the subject of the talk, my not turning up could provide the impetus to give me the push. More to the point, if I'm prepared to travel for several hours on packed trains and then stay in a conference hall for hours with hundreds of people, that will have significant implications for any WFH that I intend to do from hereon in. I also feel that my self-worth will be down the pan if I do go: I already feel undervalued and trekking half-way across the country to give a short talk of no value will make me feel like crap, and that's even if I don't pick up the virus during the whole thing.

Answer 1

If it were me, I would push back on it and wouldn't do it. But that's me - the problem you're presenting here is one that we can't answer directly because the answer depends on your own personal values.

To me, I wouldn't drive or spend more than an hour each direction travelling, unpaid for work related business.

Time you're occupied is work time, and I would expect to be paid for it. But I understand that's not always the norm and there's perfectly normal companies that just don't pay for that. It's really up to you whether you accept that or not.

The problem you're presenting though is that you're concerned if you don't present for this talk, you will be fired. However you don't want a job where you're expected to perform this activity - which occupies a ton of your time unpaid, I might add.

It sounds to me that you need to push back on the issue and say it's not something you are willing to do, while also shopping your resume around in case push comes to shove.

In general, unless there's something very significant that's been left out here, this sounds like a very trivial thing for someone to be fired over.

I don't know how things are in the UK, but over here in the US, it's expensive for companies to turn over employees and recruit new ones. To fire someone at most mid-size or larger corps, you have to have a good reason, they have to have been given warnings, and they have to be actively causing a problem far beyond just not being spectacular at their job. There are people at some companies that underperform massively for months or even a year before getting the boot because of how lenient companies are in an effort to ensure they don't get sued for wrongful termination.

All that is to say... if it's unacceptable to you, find a professional way to voice that you're not willing/able to do this. Set boundaries. If you need to, you can reason that you'd rather be working on x project, etc, but you could also just explain that you didn't expect to be travelling this much as part of this job and it's unreasonable for this to suddenly be demanded.

Answer 2

There is a lot to unpack here and I'm going to try to break it into parts. At the moment you are objecting to

• preparing and delivering a 5 minute talk on some software you don't sound very proud of and don't appear to believe is important to the company (Even though you've been able to work on it when your supervisor would prefer you do something else.)
• travelling half a day somewhere and half a day back, out of working hours, in Covid-unsafe conditions.
• listening to a day's worth of 5 minute talks from your colleagues on topics you know nothing about but are sure are worthless.

You are being asked to engage, to show you care about this company and feel connected to it. You are being offered a chance to show others in the firm (some of whom could be your future peers or supervisors) what good and important work you do. You are being offered a chance to see what else is going on all over the company, things you might in fact want to be part of.

If it wasn't for the dangerous and unpaid travel I would urge you to do this and tell you why it could be so good for you. But the "buy yourself a train ticket or whatever" part of this is weird. Really weird.

If you truly think your job is on the line, try this. Ask (in email, to your supervisor and ccing someone else who cares, like the person you've been interacting with for this project or the person who invited you to speak, pretty much anyone) for the following arrangement: the company will cover your train tickets and two hotel nights. You will travel during the workday the day before the event (if that's a Sunday, you'll get a day off in lieu of your Sunday later), arriving at close of day, spend the night, attend the event the next day, spend another night, and travel home during the workday the next day. (If that's a Saturday, you'll get a day off for it later.) Further, you'll need some freedom to choose uncrowded train times. I know this means a lot of time away from family, and unpaid time sitting around in a hotel watching TV, but that is what happens when you travel on business.

Are they likely to agree to this for a 5 minute talk? No. But if that's what you really need in order to do it, ask for what you need. (Side effect: if they do agree, you'll know they really do value it, and you.) Are they likely to fire you for asking? Possibly, it is a lot to ask and implies you value yourself a lot more than they value you. That's probably true though, and it's why I recommend this only if you think you're likely about to be fired if you don't go. And since they probably won't agree, you can then offer to do it remotely as a backup plan. At no time will you mention that you think the talks are pointless or that you don't want to listen to the other ones, that the project isn't worth presenting on or anything like that. You will adopt a position of "thankyou for the opportunity to demonstrate the great work I did on this project" and you are simply clarifying what is needed for you to be able to do that.

If they can't make your travel feel less unfair and dangerous, and they won't set up a remote talk, then -- and this is advice you'll need other times too -- do not refuse. What you are going to do is decline this lovely opportunity that they have been so nice as to give you. Seriously, I mean it. You think it's great that people can talk about their projects, and you would enjoy hearing about other people's projects, but unfortunately you're just unable to accept that generous offer this year.

I have a client who holds an annual get together. I am not paid for my time if I go to it. Some years, I go. I think it's worth it. Some years, I don't. When I don't, I never refuse, I decline. They don't hold it against me. Your employer may be different. But I think the tension you're feeling from your employer is related more to your reluctance to engage with the firm as a whole than it is to your opinions on travel at the moment. See how much of that you can fix.

Answer 3

For me, the sticking point is

all expenses are to be paid for by myself

If you're an employee of the company, this is a hard legal nope. You have a designated place of work in your contract of employment, and all travel on work business to anywhere other than this location must then be covered by the company. If you're driving then your company will have some kind of defined scheme for this; but if you're taking the train, the train fare is automatically an expense you claim back. This is simply non-negotiable. Insisting that you pay for your own travel isn't just morally wrong, it would actually be breaking your contract of employment.

The time taken due to travelling is also automatically work time, the same as if you were sat at your desk. (You don't even need to be doing work on the train for this to count as work time.) This in turn has a knock-on effect on whether it's reasonable to request a hotel for one or both nights, depending on the length of the session and travelling times. As a further point on this too, many companies request that employees travel on trains outside peak times (which are much more expensive), so that's another factor in figuring out when you could/should travel. Check whether your employee handbook says anything about this.

A company with hundreds of employees almost certainly has extensive rules in place for claiming expenses. Read your employee handbook and see what it says.

Who exactly has told you that you can't claim expenses? If it's your direct supervisor, the obvious response is that the CEO has requested your presence. If they're still objecting, you're completely in the right to go to your supervisor's boss (or even as far as the CEO, if the CEO is personally requesting you to attend) and ask them what should happen. And also consider looping in HR if there is still any sticking point. As everyone knows, "HR Is Not Your Friend" - but they're very keen on the company not being open to legal issues from employment law, and compulsory non-recoverable work-related expenses are well up there on the list of Things You Don't Do.

As for this costing you your job - like I said, this is illegal. If they fire you for refusing to do something that they can't legally order you to do (i.e. spend your own money on something work-related), you have a constructive dismissal case so watertight that you could use it to raise the Titanic. HR should be well aware of this. Naturally it doesn't mean they can't find some other pretext to fire you, but if you think the place is that dysfunctional then getting free is probably a good move anyway.

All this is regardless of whether Covid is an issue or not, you'll notice. The rights and wrongs of Covid are actually secondary to whether you're being asked to spend hundreds of pounds of your own money for something work-related.

Answer 4

I'm not saying that this is the best option for you, but I'd like to suggest a third alternative that you might not have thought of yet:

Attend, but wear a good protective face mask (FFP2/KN95).

This has the following advantages:

• You significantly reduce the risk of catching Covid (or any other disease, for that matter).
• You show that you are willing to do the work you are assigned to do.
• You also show that you are not willing to compromise on your health.
• Combining the two previous points, you show that you are willing to constructively find solutions that work for both you and your employer.

(If you are asked why you wear a mask, of if you get any stupid remarks of the "come on, take off that stupid mask" kind, just mention that you have vulnerable people in your household. Unless the other person is extremely rude, that should stop them.)

Answer 5

Rather than all this hustle and bustle over the travelling, why don't you prepare a nice video recording? Doing it this way would give you opportunity to demonstrate what the software does by way of short video clips, include a few PowerPoint slides to maybe show how the software helps the business, and whatever you can jam in for a final length of five minutes or so.

If you're professionally dressed and don't have 85 cats scurrying around in the background, it might work just as well as if you were actually there. You can send your finished work to the presenters before the event.

Answer 6

Another answer suggested that this may be a company culture building ritual. Healthy company culture necessarily includes events like this that build morale and positive relationships. This can't be underestimated; if there's any chance that's what this is, you are going to lose a lot of goodwill if you don't go.

On the other hand, 6 hours of travel, unpaid for both time and expenses, is an excessive request. However, is that a result of your own doing? Do you live that far because your WFH terms have allowed you to move so far away? You can't use that to negotiate in your favor if it's your doing in the first place.

Maybe... you need to change the terms of your employment. If you still require WFH conditions, the situation has changed such that you are now asking, in your employer's opinion, for too much. This is expected; the average opinion at this point is that COVID concerns are not valid reasoning to work from home. An alternative might be to request contractor terms, rather than payroll employee. That has more risk because your independent contacts can simply not be renewed without warning. This is the currency for more freedom over your employment terms; taking on risk is the typical price for more convenience.

All this aside, I'm quite sure there's other issues with your supervisor that you haven't shared. Weigh those out accordingly, or ask another question.

Answer 7

It's absolutely normal that you want to work from home. In the long term, worst case you might have to change your employer, but we are not there.

First is the question of travel expenses. The company has to pay your travel expenses from your normal place of work to Sheffield. The "normal place of work" is likely the last office where you worked. If that was in Sheffield, tough. If it was three hours away from Sheffield, they have to pay your expenses.

Now to me personally working from home is very valuable. My savings are about £500 per month. So if you think that refusing to go endangers your job, and there is no way to convince your supervisor otherwise, and by going to this meeting you can keep working from home for a few more months, then honestly I would go. Even if it costs my own money. Just a good investment.

Also, if your normal place of work is Sheffield (if you said it I missed it), then as soon as your company disallows WFH you have to either move to Sheffield, or find another job anyway. So I'd start looking now. There are plenty of places around where WFH will remain normal, because of all the savings in cost for office space, many people working more efficiently, and so on.

(Just read your comment "in this arbitrary location" - so Sheffield is NOT your normal place of work, and they have to pay for your expenses. That probably makes a difference. )

Answer 8

Ultimately it comes down to your personal choice.

• Your boss wants an employee they can engage with face to face, someone that travels to give presentations, etc.
• You want a job where you can work 100% remote.

Both of you are entitled to want these things. You can give up your preferences to secure the job, or you can keep pushing and see how far it can go before breaking. Neither option is "wrong" it's just business.

I would suggest writing a (very polite) email stating that you don't feel comfortable traveling and mixing with large crowds, given that your family members are so vulnerable. Don't give too many excuses—that might invite your boss to "solve" them. Just state that this is not something you can do.

Answer 9

No offense but this seems like an attempt to rationalise not attending.

Realistically most of these reasons are weak ones.

You pay travelling expenses? Unless you live next door to work you have been getting paid with no travelling expenses the whole time you have been WFH.

You have a reason to be WFH? We all do, but most don't get to.

You might catch COVID? Everyone in the World is in the same situation whenever they go shopping.

You're worried about losing your WFH status and maybe your job? You should be, your work needs you to do something and you don't want to do it.

I would advise you to look at the positives of the experience. You're really in a bit of a corner on this one. In those situations it's best to make something positive out of it, the other direction only leads to frustration and other nastiness that isn't constructive for anyone.

You will get a chance to go somewhere new and network with new people and maybe even impress a few. Take care of your personal safety just as you would going shopping. If your girlfriend drives, then why not get her to drive and have a picnic or something. I'm sure she'd enjoy some time away from your dad. I periodically have to go to another Island to work, I usually take my wife, a bit of time just the two of us even if it's just while travelling is great.

Answer 10

Feeling comfortable in a given situation is important. However, we develop ourselves when we get out of the comfort zone. Perhaps it's an opportunity to get some new experience or to expand your network of connections.

Also, if you really don't want to engage with people live, perhaps a partial solution would be to record a video for the session, if it's just 5 mins.

All in all, to me it's a matter of perception. Your supervisor may not like you, but they wouldn't put you in the spotlight if they didn't trust your abilities. Your failure is a failure of the company as well, so why not give it a shot?

Answer 11

Holy shit. I am simply astounded by these other responses telling you to suck it up. IMO, almost every sentence you have written about this company is a red flag.

My supervisor is not keen on me WFH but she tolerates it for the moment.

This is a red flag. Your supervisor should at least be understanding of your situation living with two vulnerable people. Empathy for your employees and their physical situations and conditions is and should be the bare minimum for a supervisor.

CEO of my company has asked that I provide a talk to... people (it's not quite clear who)

This is a red flag. Someone asking you to present a talk (it doesn't matter who), should at the very least tell you your audience and give you context of the event so you can properly prepare the talk. A talk given to an audience of clients is going to be different to a talk given to an audience of employees, which again is going to be different to a talk given at say, a tech conference. This sounds like you are being set up to fail.

The product does everything that has been asked, but my direct supervisor doesn't really care about this

This is a huge red flag. The entire point of a supervisor is to assign and manage projects and see them to completion. That you say that you have brought the product assigned to you to completion, but the supervisor doesn't care for it is simply astonishing. Regardless of the personal feelings of the supervisor, if a product is complete, to specification, and on time, it is a success regardless and should be treated as such.

and secretly wishes that I would work on her personal projects instead. I think my supervisor feels that if I was in the office she could direct me more easily.

This is perhaps the most damning line in the entire question. Putting normal workplace politics to the side, an employee should generally not be worried that their supervisor has an ulterior motive outside of "shipping things on time". It sounds like your supervisor disagrees with the objectives that they have been set and the projects they have been assigned to manage, which begs the question of why they are even in that role in the first place. The way you talk about your supervisor is alarming, relations between an employee and a supervisor should at the very least be amicable, and yet this doesn't read as being the case here. The way you talk about the supervisor implies that she's a rogue agent within the company -- she has her own motives, aside from the wishes of the leaders of the company, and wishes you to pursue those instead. This is a massive red flag.

The 5 minute talk that I'm supposed to give is seriously inconvenient. I live just outside Reading in the UK and I've been asked to present in Sheffield (3.5 hour drive). I don't drive and all expenses are to be paid for by myself. It's also expected that I'd attend the other 100 talks though they are entirely irrelevant to what I'm working on.

Let's distill this down: You are being asked to take an unpaid commute to a work function -- other people have correctly pointed this out as illegal and I don't feel I can do that much more justice than any of the other answers have.

Personally, this sounds like a horrible place to work, and I would start a job search immediately