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My wife and I recently changed towns and had to switch jobs also. I'm currently searching for a job while my wife was hired at a company and is currently undergoing her probation period.

We work in the same line of business as my wife and her company just invited me for an interview. But the thing is... I don't want to work with my wife because it will be awkward for us and for our colleagues. Don't want to go into the details but it suffices to say that I've been in this situation before and just don't want to repeat it again.

But I don't know how to refuse the interview without posing my wife at risk during her probation period. There will be absolutely no reason to refuse the job (company is OK, pay is good, it's close to home, benefits etc) so my refusal won't make sense to them.

How do you handle such a situation? How to gracefully decline an interview when a family member already works for the company and you don't want to affect his/her position?

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    I would be very concerned about the workplace if an action you take like declining a job offer could put your wife's position in jeopardy...
    – Code Whisperer
    Jan 22, 2014 at 18:55
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    Joe's answer is perfect. Also, the way you describe it is that you haven't even interviewed with them yet, but been simply been asked to interview. It should be a easy to give a polite decline to their request. It would be much more complicated if you arrived at this conclusion after going through a lengthy interview process and receiving a written offer.
    – MikeS
    Jan 23, 2014 at 0:04
  • Both top answers are very good, but I'd like to raise another question… is the company big enough to warrant you won't be working in the same room nor project? It's not an unreasonable request at all. Of course, assuming that request would fulfil your own personal restriction. It's not unreasonable or impolite to turn down an offer because they can't do that, and both top voted answers are still perfectly good wording to convey that.
    – Liz Av
    Jan 23, 2014 at 0:19
  • A job offer and an interview invitation are not the same. A job offer, I believe, is when you're offered a job. Were you offered a job already?
    – user14154
    Jan 23, 2014 at 1:30
  • @Rolf: I wasn't offered the job. Your observation is correct. I corrected the question.
    – John
    Jan 23, 2014 at 10:37

4 Answers 4

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How do you handle such a situation? How to gracefully decline a job offer when a family member already works for the company and you don't want to affect his/her position?

I haven't been in this particular situation with my wife, but I have been with my extended family.

Paraphrasing, here's how I handled it, and how you might frame your reply:

"Thank your for the offer, but I need to politely decline.

My wife tells me wonderful things about your company. And while I love being around my wife, we have found that it is better for us as a family not to work at the same company."

Simple and to the point. I'm sure most companies would understand this desire, and it wouldn't cast any aspersions on your wife's situation.

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  • That raises the point "why did you not think about it before the interview?". I find it better not to go into details, as any given details seem to elicit even more questions - a generic "for personal reasons" might be better.
    – user14154
    Jan 23, 2014 at 0:26
  • Rolf; they may well ask that, but I don't think its unreasonable to respond that it's not a straightforward issue and that after further consideration you had changed your mind.
    – Chris Hatton
    Jan 23, 2014 at 0:54
  • Most companies I've worked out have policies against hiring family, especially if it's possible/probable that one may end up in a position to be directing the work of the other. Family relationships have a tendency to spill into the workplace when a problem arises. Even if you could be objective, how could you possibly fire your spouse if you were asked to?
    – NotMe
    Jan 23, 2014 at 0:58
  • @Joe well then the question is misleading, unless I'm mistaken. As far as I know, a job offer means being offered a job, and that usually comes after at least one interview and consideration, etc. He's asking how to refuse an interview invitation?
    – user14154
    Jan 23, 2014 at 1:31
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    @Rolf: the interview hasn't yet occurred. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I fixed the question.
    – John
    Jan 23, 2014 at 10:38
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Most people are pretty understanding about the fact that some (if not most) married people would prefer not to work together. Or that a married couple prefers not to have both salaries tied to a single employer where a downturn might imperil both jobs. Plus, you've only been invited to interview so there is no relationship to be concerned with.

I'd thank whoever invited you to interview but politely explain that you'd rather not work at the same company that already employs your wife. No need to go into details. If you're really concerned that the company would be so devastated by your lack of desire to interview that it would retaliate against your wife (something that seems highly unlikely as well as quite self-defeating of the company), you can politely decline giving a generic "doesn't appear to be a good fit for what I'm looking for" response. You don't need to specify that the reason it's not a good fit is that the company already employs your wife if that is something that you view as personal.

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    +1 Working at the same company as your spouse can turn out very bad if the company goes under or does layoffs. Losing half your income is bad. Losing the entire family income in one day is really bad. That alone is enough of a reason to turn it down.
    – Grant
    Jan 23, 2014 at 2:25
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Thank them for the offer, but let them know that you're resolute in keeping some boundaries between your home life and your work life, and that working in the same place as your wife will present a challenge to those boundaries (and, it will!) And then stand your ground. They can't force you. If you get badgered, I don't see any repercussions as long as you just use the same old cool-headed, "No, thank you" each time until they get the message. Don't let it get under your skin.

Best of luck.

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Is it so hard to politely decline an offer?
Since you seem to have trouble doing it, I can tell you what I imagine myself saying or writing, that may help you...

Thank you for your offer. Your offer is much appreciated, and I am glad that my wife is working for you at this time. Unfortunately, I have to decline the offer for personal reasons.

Hoping this will not cause too much inconvenience, and thank you for your understanding, for welcoming me, for your time and for this great opportunity.

The rest would be like a normal letter, and you can write about any other (positive) topics you'd like to speak about.

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  • Oh I see that someone doesn't like the fact that I proposed and answer. Maybe I should not have bothered at all?
    – user14154
    Jan 23, 2014 at 3:55
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    I don't know the reasons for the downvotes but I do appreciate your answer. Thank you.
    – John
    Jan 23, 2014 at 10:40
  • Thank you for letting me know. My answer was a little harsh, but I hope it will help you.
    – user14154
    Jan 23, 2014 at 16:37

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