How to recover from exhausted patience?

Question

In my previous organization, the team I was on had to work with several other teams that left a bad taste in my mouth. Over the course of several years, upper leadership eventually took notice and began to take steps to rectify those teams, but by then I'd already become exhausted. I moved to a new organization in hopes that it'd be a clean slate that I could be more relaxed in. This mostly ended up being the case, but even in the new organization I've found I continue to have little patience for the fatal mistakes I encountered in my previous organization.

For instance, say some engineer with 10 years of experience one day pops in with some massive redesign of the company's architecture that they worked on alone for the past several months without telling anyone. I know how to constructively handle this. It's an easy conversation to have with leadership to make sure we're keeping better track of what's getting worked on, and put into place some forum to talk about architecture changes to encourage engineers to discuss changes they might want to make more openly. Despite this, I can't help but find myself distracted: "This rather senior engineer should know better, and our organization's performance matrix makes it very clear that even fairly junior engineers are expected to socialize their changes well in advance. Why do I have to deal with this?", and it often blows over into feeling burnt out in my personal time after work.

Normally I'm rather happy to help. I've gotten feedback from my peers & other teams in the organization that I'm outgoing & really appreciated for how much I offer to help others. If there is a new hire that doesn't understand part of our architecture, a junior engineer that is struggling with something above their level, or just day-to-day questions as people learn new things, I'm very happy to help them. When it comes to elementary expectations though, I can't help but feel some sort of PTSD from my previous organization. It's not necessarily impacting my engagements with others in the new organization, but it leaves me feeling exhausted every few weeks when something like this happens, which I don't enjoy.

How can I reduce or eliminate this exhaustion?

Answer 1

You go to work, you get paid.

Cut back on the overtime (if any).

If your boss wants to know how the business can be more efficient, you can highlight these things.

Even the best people sometimes misstep. They may have distractions in their own lives, or they may be overworked, or be getting hassled by their manager to do it a certain way.

At the end of the day, you'll never know why some people do some things. It's pointless to try, unless you are their manager and can work with them to change behaviour.

The only thing you can control is your reaction.

And this is just a reminder that no job is immune to bullshit. Cab drivers will get flat tires. Baristas will have abusive customers. Shop keepers will have thefts. This is just the specific type of bullshit you have to deal with in your job.

Answer 2

I find the best way to relieve mental exhaustion quickly and effectively is to do something physical. Take up a sport, hit a bag... it doesn't really matter what it is. Anything requiring a bit of concentration and physical effort.

You're only having this issue intermittently, so it should be fairly easy to handle. Don't wait until it's every week and don't let the actions of others dictate your morale.

Answer 3

For me what really helps is to remind myself that this is not my responsability.

I know it sounds kind of bad, but for me that feeling you described came from feeling like I was failing even if it was someone else screw up. I'd feel frustrated because even though I was giving my best, things would go bad.

So, remind yourself that it's not on you. Do your part and if someone else doesn't do theirs, then it's their problem.