1

I've gotten advice such as: "adjust resume to claim you have whatever coding skills the job requires- they won't actually test you", and "just work hard, you don't need to look up anything to code or learn anything new". This advice comes from someone who has never worked in tech. I've found several people who have found more success than me either in the 6 or 7 figure range who give advice that is frankly untrue. I now have other people telling me that I should listen to that person because they've had more success than me. I find myself wanting financial success just to get people to respect my opinion. I've also found people with less money that give more helpful advice.

  1. What is a tactful way to respond to people that give such advice?
  2. What is a tactful way to respond to third parties that say I should just do what that person says?
  3. what do you do if you have multiple advisors who have never met but have advice that is contradictory?
5
  • 8
    Why do you have to disagree with anyone? Just walk away. Commented Oct 13, 2022 at 15:37
  • 27
    Where I come from: You listen to their advice, nod at the right places, say "thank you for your advice", and then you do what YOU want to do :-)
    – gnasher729
    Commented Oct 13, 2022 at 15:41
  • 7
    "I find myself wanting financial success just to get people to respect my opinion. I've also found people with less money that give more helpful advice." Money is only loosely correlated to success. I've met genius teachers who make $30k and bad software devs who make $100k. Making more money will not make people respect you more, consistently being helpful and correct will. Commented Oct 13, 2022 at 17:26
  • 5
    Is this really about Workplace though? It's more about interpersonal skills.
    – LoremIpsum
    Commented Oct 13, 2022 at 19:51
  • @LoremIpsum especially if (as I would guess) these 'advisors' are family members or similar
    – AakashM
    Commented Oct 14, 2022 at 8:34

3 Answers 3

23

What is a tactful way to respond to people that give such advice?

"Thank you for your advice."

What is a tactful way to respond to third parties that say I should just do what that person says?

"Thank you for your advice."

What do you do if you have multiple advisors who have never met but have advice that is contradictory?

You take into consideration their advice and see if it has merit or any value for you whatsoever, or if the advice is off-topic or given from someone who has few experience in the field.

You then use that information, along with your own experience, gut feeling, knowledge on the topic, etc., and decide what's best for you and your interests.

It's up to you to make a choice. You can take as input the advice others give, but in the end it's "just" advice and you are not forced to follow them "just because".

2
  • 1
    Thanks for your advice. (I mean that sincerely) Is there anything you would do differently if you knew the 'advisor' would be asking you about the results later? Commented Oct 13, 2022 at 20:00
  • 2
    @grizzlyborg nope, same advice. The possibility that such person asks for follow-up would not change the fact that I should focus on my career and my interests (and my judgment).... In fact you are nor forced to give follow-up to such person if they ask... I am starting to perceive that this person may like getting involved in matters that are none of their business...
    – DarkCygnus
    Commented Oct 13, 2022 at 22:29
4

If you actually want to discuss it, the tactful -- and far more productive -- approach is to say "Hm. I've also been told... (or it seems to me...) Can you help me understand why that's wrong?"

One of you will learn something. It's possible that you will learn you are wrong, or that they are wrong, or that they are right for them but not for you. Or that they can't handle being even gently challenged or asked to explain, which is annoying but is good to know.

Financial success may mean that they have some relevant experience and insight. Experience is worth listening to. You are still free to disagree with it.

Folks without that experience are opining based on their experience. Which may be relevant or may not be. You need to judge, or at least guess, how much credence to give them.

Sorry, there isn't a simpler answer. A judgement call requires your own best judgement. If you get it wrong -- well, that's part of how you gain experience.

1

I'm going to address the last question, as the other 2 have got good answers:

"what do you do if you have multiple advisors who have never met but have advice that is contradictory?"

Welcome to the Real World! This applies to multiple different areas - from Work to Politics to Hobbies etc. In short, people have opinions.

What you, as the individual, want to do is parse the Wheat from the Chaff - even wrong or bad advice is likely to have a nugget of Truth to it.

Learning to identify what is the element that is likely to be true is your best strategy.

For example - in the two bits of advice you listed - here is what I would take away from it (as I do work in Tech):

"adjust resume to claim you have whatever coding skills the job requires- they won't actually test you"

So - Outright lying on a CV is a big no-no. That said, many technologies have commonality and you will likely have some exposure to similar technologies. And so if you have used Brand X Firewalls for example and logged into Brand Y Firewall once - it is common to conflate the experience from one to the other on a CV.

"just work hard, you don't need to look up anything to code or learn anything new"

I'm not sure what was intended by the second part, but again - trying to parse out the nugget of truth, hard work will often pay-off. I've seen some Developers who take up valuable project time researching the 'perfect' solution for something that isn't massively critical, whereas they would have been better off knuckling down for a day and just deploying a solution.

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .