Work environment and relationship, not saying hi gives the right to get insulted?

Question

I work as a data analyst and I had a colleague refer the data to us for Analysing. The referral form had the folder Location but there were 8 folders and the form did not say the names of the files. I texted my colleague but their status changed to away so I emailed.

• I said Hi X in both the email and the msg.

• The response came with no Hi at all and directed me to another folder.

• I opened the folder and there are many files.

• So, I called to cut the time and I said hi and asked where is the data?

• The reply was Which data? I asked them if they sent us a referral form, do you know what is the form used for?

• The reply was no, they told me to fill out the form and send it to you.

• I asked, do you know what we are doing here?

• The reply was You are rude. I said I am sorry, what? The reply was you are very rude. I asked how am I being rude. The reply was I do not like your tone, your tone is very rude. I said okay you call your manager and I will call mine, have a good day and I hung up.

• The person told their manager that I did not say hi and started asking for the data.

• My manager received the msg and passed it on to me that it is perceived as rude and blunt if I start asking for the data without saying hi.

• I told my manager that they did not like my tone, my tone was rude and they said nothing about not saying hi to them. So I took a screenshot of the conversation and the email where I said hi but they did not say hi back. I am in the UK, the person is British and I am not and my accent is not British too.

Does that give them the right to insult people this way just because I did not say hi? So, if people started calling others rude just because they did not say hi to them then that is out of the line.

Any advice?

Answer 1

Native Brit here (although I now live elsewhere).

If the conversation went exactly how you've written it - yeah, I'd consider it being rude.

The line that jumped out at me was this one:

do you know what we are doing here?

If someone asked me that, as a native english speaker - here is what it sounds like:

"You are a clueless idiot who doesn't know what's going on"

Now - reading between the lines, I suspect the colleague was under pressure and felt you were nagging them (also rude).

Does that mean how they reacted was right? No. But in the same breath, as you've written the conversation, it would seem rude to me. I wouldn't hang up and get management involved - but that's me, I've got thick skin.

Answer 2

You not saying "Hi" was not the problem... Probably the only part of the chain that SM was able to point to specifically. But not the problem.

Let's look at the most relevent conversation chain...

OP said:

"Do you know what we are doing here?" Depending on how you said this, and the context of the conversation. This statement ranges from moderately rude to very rude.

SM (subject matter) Then replied

"You are rude"

Based on that conversation chain. SM found "Do you know what we are doing here?" to be rude.

Now where did OP go wrong in this conversation.

Problem: Not enough detail in OP's emails/ a communication mismatch.

OP asked where the data was located. SM who probably works with this data all of the time, didn't realize that OP didn't know what files the data was located in, and thought that OP just needed to know where the files were located. SM answered this question.

Fix:

Ask instead "What files did you want analyzed, I looked in folder XYZ but couldn't tell what files I was supposed to look at." (Possibly offer some files that you thought were the data files, not needed.)

Brief but enough information that SM knows what you are talking about... Including the request form would probably help SM know what data OP needs.

Problem: Made assumptions with the call

OP called out of the blue and didn't introduce themselves or their problem properly.

"Where is the data" is not the best way to start a phone conversation. And is a little rude. As SM doesn't know who you are, or what data you are talking about.

Fix:

"Hi! this is OP from data analysts r us.." Possibly pause in case they want to say hello back.. " I am having difficulty locating some data you wanted analyzed. Name of the data/location... Do you know what files in folder location needed analysis?"

TLDR

This is mostly on you. And it is not because English isn't your native tongue. You were unable to explain what it is you wanted from SM in your emails. File names, instead of Folder location... And got frustrated over that. Then called SM while you were frustrated and did not exchange social niceties. And then accused SM of being ignorant and having no clue what was going on.

Of course SM would complain.

Answer 3

It's a little difficult to follow exactly what happened but generally speaking, yes, it can be viewed as rude when you start a conversation with someone and you did not start out with some form of salutation like so...

Good morning Jean. I was wondering if you had a chance to get that info for me?

Hi Tom. How are you? Are you able to discuss that proposal?

Something like these suggestions. I personally get annoyed when someone that I don't really know or work with pings me on Teams and just starts asking questions, etc. and doesn't bother to introduce themselves, say hi, etc.

As for their accusation that you are rude, I can guess by your question that you may be a little terse when speaking to people due to English not being your primary language (assumed). Also asking someone "Do you know what we do here?" can be construed as aggressive and confrontational so you may want to tone if down a bit.

With all of this being said, no, a person does not have the right to be rude to you but oftentimes rudeness is met with rudeness as a part of the human condition. Good luck.