This is regarding a problem occured in a work place where a majority of workers are doing gossiping, backbiting and undermining, kind of they have adapted it like a cultural thing.

So, for short, they have kind of unreformed practices, ways of talking, qualities etc.

In the workplace it's having quality if we speak to a person in a polished way and not in a vulgar way.

I have a coworker. And she is speaking in such vulgar ways to our juniors, even by picking up on sensitive facts/personal details of those workers, which are sometimes facts from their rumours they gossip a lot. She does this with a sense of showing off her superiority as well.

This disturbs the usual working potential of many workers.

Note that myself and this coworker, say A, are in Managerial positions.

For example, once there was another Assistant Manager (say B) who had a grudge against a junior, say C. He was saying things behind C's back to A. And he wanted C's work to be reported to him so that he can express it as work done using his ideas to the chairman rather than giving much credit to C. B told A to threat C with not giving a permanent position if C disagrees. But in reality C should express her work to the committee including the Chairman, B and other members, not only to B. But because A is not very understanding, B is trying to establish a rule, that it should be presented to him first.

A called a meeting with B and C, and blamed C and told "We don't like to keep people who are not getting on well with others here (she says C doesn't get on well with B, which is not true, and it was B who has a grudge with C). Such people, if a person marry, it can be divorced but if made permanent here, we can't get rid of!! So we don't like such people".

Like this. She even picked up on the fact that C is unmarried. It's very unpleasant way to express things and this demotivates and loses the trust the employees have towards the seniors like us.

As a co Manager I want to indicate that whatever the situation is, there is a pleasant way to solve the problems, without putting up things in a vulgar and unpleasant manner to workers who had really worked hard, like C.

It's A's unreformed manners which created a problem in continuing C's work and also A had been biased and under the influence of only what B said.

But I don't know how exactly to explain this in a way that A will see the fault she did. I mean because of her nature, unless I'm able to point it out clearly and strongly, she'll just try to cover up her things and continue being vulgar, which is a very low quality practice. Please help me to figure out what exactly to say and how to say it?

I need to clearly point out that it's not right to speak in a vulgar manner to other workers as they are also human beings, like in a human sense, which are also skills needed in a work place. There's a high labour turnover as well because of this, but I can't tell them about it properly because the labourers are afraid to tell the exact reason or agree when I ask about it.

Thanks a lot in advance.

  • Are you "A"'s manager? How are you two related, are you "on the same level"?
    – DarkCygnus
    Sep 14, 2023 at 21:25
  • 1
    People are gossiping, back-biting, being vulgar, and creating a toxic work environment? Welcome to humanity. I don't see your being able to fix this unless you're in a position of authority to hire, fire, or discipline this person.
    – joeqwerty
    Sep 14, 2023 at 21:44
  • @DarkCygnus yes on the same level
    – Mary
    Sep 15, 2023 at 17:53
  • Thank you @joeqwerty Btw, why do you think there are so many downvotes?
    – Mary
    Sep 15, 2023 at 17:54

2 Answers 2


People as you describe are usually not going to change unless there's some huge outside influence. You and A are peers, and there's no obligation by A to listen to you whatsoever. The situation sounds a little toxic.

I don't know what country you're in but for now I'm going to assume it's not the United States of America based on some of your spelling. The reason I mentioned country is that here in the US companies give training on toxic work culture but sometimes handle it by getting rid of whoever's making the most noise, whether it affects the health of the business or not. Approaching HR is not the safest way, as you may out yourself as a trouble-maker. This might be different in other places, but here, HR is not your friend - HR is for business continuity.

Depending on the relationship you have with your supervisor, you could have a private meeting and mention your concern but it's important that you keep the focus on some tangible benefit to the company as to why your boss should get involved.

Otherwise, stay out of it unless it affects you directly.

  • Thank you! Yes you are right, this is from an Asian country. Can I please get more details about the trainings given in your countries? What type of things are included in such trainings for toxic environments? Are there texts related to such trainings, which we can read and get knowledgeable too, from here? @XavierJ
    – Mary
    Sep 15, 2023 at 17:59

Unless you are that person's manager, all you can do is gently suggest better practices to them (rather than calling them an idiot outright, which they won't listen to), ask them to keep the personal stuff out of your earshot if at all possible because it makes you uncomfortable, and point it out to the manager if you want to be rude about it.

And you can try to set a better example.

Your responsibility and authority stops there. Period.

  • Okay @keshlam Thank you!
    – Mary
    Sep 15, 2023 at 18:01

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