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I've been with my company for 15 years. Never had an issue with any manager and never complained to HR. I had a baby 10 months ago and I have another one on the way so I have been using PTO (which I have earned) once a week so I've been working 4 days a week to care for my baby.

My boss is a narcissist and has asked me to do things that she was uncomfortable doing herself. Changing the goal post and making the work environment overall very uncomfortable.

I had enough and reached out to another line of business within the same company and the manager of that department was ELATED to have me. I even disclosed that I am pregnant with a second baby which she said she would support my family building.

I informed my manager of my intended move and my manager told me she would absolutely "advocate" for me as I would be a great fit for the role.

Well instead of advocating for me, she went and told the hiring manager that I am looking for a easier role so I can focus on family and that in only able to work 3 days a week.

The hiring manager has now told me that it is not the right time to switch roles for me because the combination of my growing family and switching jobs might be too stressful.

I need to get away from my manager. She makes me cry on a weekly basis and treats me like trash. I feel trapped and don't know how to get out. I can't quit because I need the health insurance for my labor and my babies.

I don't know if I want to get HR involved because I don't want to be labeled as "that" employee and ruin my chances of a transfer even more.

I don't know if I want to seek legal action because I don't think the hiring manager should get in trouble. The hiring manager does not know the true reason for my transfer because she's friends with my manager.

I live in California, please help.

OP here, thank you everyone who responded to this so far. Just a quick addendum and mini update:

Some other things that were said were "taking on a new role and having a new baby is going to be a lot of stress, maybe right now is not the best time for the transfer.". Which I understand is discriminatory based on my pregnancy.

I even responded "I believe I am ready and I will work up until the day I pop"

Where hiring manager responded "it's after you pop that I'm worried about".

I also have reached out to my current managers boss who knows my reputation well. He has signed off on many promotions for me before and seeked me out to take on larger opportunities in the past.

I plan on telling him everything that's going on. And although he may not have a hand in helping me remedy the situation to get the other role, he can help protect me until he gets me under another manager. (Hopefully he takes the conversation well)

I'll update you all as I know more.

Ps: I talked to my husband's HR attorney for his business, and she is sidelined in case this all goes really bad and i get retaliated against.

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  • 17
    Please change your name in here, if that is your real name you are using. Unless you want somebody from your company recognize you and see the question you are asking.
    – Klaus Nielsen
    Commented Jul 17 at 4:25
  • 15
    " she went and told" how do you know that?
    – nvoigt ♦
    Commented Jul 17 at 6:15
  • 4
    Can you move on to another company? This one sounds a bit toxic. Congratulations on your first child and your pregnancy.
    – Pete B.
    Commented Jul 17 at 10:40
  • 4
    Overall, based on the explained problems it appears that either you have a case for the old manager bullying specifically you, or them being a nuisance to people around them which suggests it shouldn't be hard to correct the incorrect information they spread to others. Yet your proposed escalations seem to indicate that either none of those first-level remediations have taken place, or it's omitted from the question that this was addressed and somehow ignored/disbelieved. That's a gap in the story.
    – Flater
    Commented Jul 18 at 0:43
  • 3
    When your hiring manager told you, and you said "Wait, what? That is not true!", what did they say?
    – nvoigt ♦
    Commented Jul 18 at 9:13

3 Answers 3

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82

Time to go to the other manager and set the record straight.

Indicate that you DO want to work 4 days a week.

Also indicate that you would be MORE stressed to remain in your current role.

If your current manager continues to block this, then yes, it's time to go to HR.

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  • 2
    "it's time to go to HR" - agreed but that's going to be hard. How can OP provide evidence without disclosing the hiring manager as source of information and thus throwing her under the bus? (Which I read between the lines is OP's concern.)
    – Fildor
    Commented Jul 17 at 15:32
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    @Fildor Involving the hiring manager wouldn't be throwing them under the bus. They are an unwitting actor in this and could corroborate the OP's story that the job offer was rescinded based on what the OP's manager said about the OP.
    – Peter M
    Commented Jul 17 at 16:38
  • Based on the fact that the boss treats her like trash, I think hiring manager might not be important but the evidence OP's might have against her current boss treatment.
    – coder4fun
    Commented Jul 17 at 20:27
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    @Fildor: Hiring manager isn't the issue here, old manager is. They are actively sowing dissent in the workforce. This can be tackled without first identifying the source of the information. OP tells HR what the old manager said; HR approaches old manager to confirm/deny. If they confirm, this can be tackled without involving the source (i.e. hiring manager). If they deny, then either old manager or hiring manager are lying, at which point HR will always need to arbitrate/mediate between this ongoing conflict, regardless of who said what first.
    – Flater
    Commented Jul 18 at 0:32
  • @PeterM "Involving the hiring manager wouldn't be throwing them under the bus." - OP said HM were friends with toxic boss. So "officially" naming her as source of "toxic manager talked sh*t about you" would probably disrupt that relation, which OP does not want to do (which I acknowledge, yet don't really understand). That's what I meant by "throwing under the bus".
    – Fildor
    Commented Jul 18 at 6:15
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First, I'm very sorry that this is happening to you. This sounds like an awful situation.

There's a couple of things to realize here. You say

I don't want to be labeled as "that" employee and ruin my chances of a transfer even more.

But you are already being blocked from transfer, and there is nothing about this situation that indicates that that will change. Your manager could (and I would say probably will) block any future attempts at transfers.

You also say

I don't know if I want to seek legal action because I don't think the hiring manager should get in trouble.

You do not have to start legal action, but I absolutely think you should seek legal advice. I am not a lawyer, but the fact that your manager is lying about you while making reference to your family situation and current pregnancy is likely foundation for an EEOC complaint. A lawyer could advise you on how to proceed (e.g. whether to go to HR or the hiring manager first, what to say to them) and you can discuss with the lawyer whether you even have to reveal that you are being advised by them.

The hiring manager seems like a reasonable person who is being manipulated, but you should also realize that they have a responsibility to the company and the law. You don't want to burn any bridges, but you should not be concerned about getting her "in trouble". It's her responsibility as a manager to keep herself out of trouble.

I think it's an open question whether to speak to HR first or the hiring manager first (and again, this is a question a lawyer could help you decide on). My inclination is to go to the hiring manager first, because once HR gets involved, they may impose particular procedures and they may tell you not to talk to the hiring manager (speculating here), and you ideally want the hiring manager to change her mind rather than feel that something is being forced on her by HR.

I would say something like this to the hiring manager:

I was looking forward to working with you. I understand that X told you that I am looking for an easier job (want to only work 3 days a week, etc.). That's just not true. Everything I told you about my work schedule when we spoke previously is the truth. I've been at the company for 15 years and have a very good track record. What X is saying doesn't even make sense. Why, if I'm as much of a problem as she says, does she want to keep me?

I would still like to come work with you. Unfortunately, it looks like X will misrepresent me to block me from transferring. I'm going to have to take this to HR. It's not lost on me that no one wants to work with an employee that they think will go crying to HR when they don't get their way, but I already have no future at this company if X is going to sabotage me like this. I hope you will be able to look past this, look at my record, and decide to go with your first instinct, which was to take me on.

You might then give her a chance to respond. Then, as soon as you leave, go to HR and open an EEOC complaint against your boss. Make it clear to HR that you are seeking opportunities for transfer, not an accommodation that will allow you to continue working under her. I would avoid saying things about her making you cry and treating you like trash. Unfortunately the law doesn't protect you from horrible bosses, only from biased horrible bosses. (Again, a lawyer will give you better advice on this. Documenting abusive behavior may be relevant to an EEOC complaint.)

The hiring manager may also tip her hand at this point. If she says "Get out," you know that she's on your manager's side, and that is not going to change. If she says something like "I'm sorry to hear that," even if (as is probably likely) she doesn't immediately change her mind, at least there might be something to work with there.

Again, this is a horrible situation. You seem to very much want not to be seen as a "problem" employee. I understand that. No one want to be seen that way. But your boss has made it clear that she will lie to make you look like a problem employee regardless. If other people at your company won't help you get out of this situation, you have no future at this company.

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  • Going to a lawyer is additional stress. I would not go this route. Not yet.
    – usr1234567
    Commented Jul 17 at 19:58
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    The 2nd paragraph in the "note to hiring manager" section doesn't sound professional, at least not the sentence that starts with "It's not lost on me". Keep that kind of speculation out of the communication. And saying "X will misrepresent me" sounds like defamation from your side, and you don't want to be doing what you claim someone else is doing. If you take those 2 sentences out, you need to move the "take this to HR" sentence to the end of the previous paragraph, and then it sounds more professional. I might even create a new paragraph starting with the "What X is saying" sentence.
    – computercarguy
    Commented Jul 18 at 0:06
  • "Again, a /good/ lawyer will give you better advice on this" may be the wording best wanted. Indeed such background advice can be reassuring to have they don't need to be out there vigorously defending/litigating/negotiating.
    – civitas
    Commented Jul 18 at 11:32
  • @usr1234567 Going to a lawyer seems to me as if it should reduce stress, since you you have a much better chance of coming out well in this situation with good professional advice than without.
    – cjs
    Commented Jul 18 at 21:16
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She makes me cry on a weekly basis and treats me like trash. I feel trapped and don't know how to get out.

This sounds like you have to go with HR right now, if your boss makes you feel that bad, you can elaborate with HR and have a solution.

I know this is your last option but believe me, this is something that can easily become a legal problem for the company and I bet HR will be more than willing to fix things before that.

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  • HR works for the company, not for the employee.
    – Basil Bourque
    Commented Jul 19 at 20:22

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