How should I react to my colleagues making fun of my behavior and mocking me? [closed]

Question

I recently left my job to join a small startup. Everything was fine until one other person joined. The Startup founders and the new starter always talk about social things like football, dance and other stuff. While talking, they make fun of my behavior and mock me. Sometimes they insult me in front of others in small matters. Crack jokes on my accents, laugh at me for being vegetarian and taking no drinks. I always smile on such behavior without saying anything.

How should I react to this situation?

Answer 1

The way you are telling it, I don't think they mean any harm, but they are just fooling around.

If you are not comfortable about this, you should, tell them in private.

"Hey (person's name), you probably do not mean it this way, but I would appreciate it if you do not joke about y (your accent, eating behaviours etc.)."

If that doesn't stop them, try talking to someone more senior or the CEO of the startup, assuming they don't have a HR.

Always stay polite and professional.

Answer 2

Unless this continues on past the point where it becomes exceptionally personal (insults about your family or nationality for example), where it interferes with your work or it becomes physical, I would advise you to ignore the person. If most people see that their behavior isn’t having the desired effect, they’ll get bored and stop as that ruins the “fun” that they are attempting to have.

If things get to the point where this behavior is impairing your performance, then I would confront the person in question in private and tell them to knock it off. State clearly that this isn’t funny and it is interfering with your ability to get your job done. Unless the person is a real bully or a sociopath they will apologize or they will try to lessen the impact of what they were doing and then discontinue their behaviors.

If talking to them personally doesn’t work, it’s time to involve your supervision. Ask for a brief meeting with your boss and explain the situation. Make it clear that this interfering with your work as this will make any competent supervisor put an immediate stop to it. If you are asked if you can work with this person (this is a trap) always answer “Yes” as if you don’t, then YOU and not him will be seen as being “the problem.”

NOTE: If this new person is a “rainmaker” (a high-level performer) and you are not, or if you have had other similar issues with employees, you may have to consider that this company’s atmosphere is not good for you and you should begin your job search. While this may seem unfair, most companies are going to err on the side of a higher level performer than a “lesser light” and they may use this situation as a reason to get rid of you.

Answer 3

My suggestion is to first corner the founder, and explain him clearly why you're uncomfortable. Don't assume he knows how you feel: tell him like he's a five year old. Tell him that in your culture or where you're from such behaviour is considered insulting, and why. Again: don't assume he is doing it on purpose.

Give things a month. If after a month you're back to square one, then leave. Right away. If that's the "core" team, it's likely that under pressure things will only get worse and jokes will escalate to racism, sexism, and misbehaviour with future female employees. You don't want to get involved with such people - and if it's a startup, there**will** be pressure and sh*t will hit the fan.

Answer 4

If you make fun of yourself first, you leave them nothing for cannon fodder. What I have learned most is those that pick at or make fun are unhappy with themselves. Instead of taking offense, tease them back but make fun of yourself. Ignoring them does not always work and many will try harder to get some sort of reaction out of you. When they tease you about not taking any drinks, tell them the last time you drank a you took home a pre-op transvestite street walker and THAT is an experience you will never want to repeat. Go so off the wall that all they can do is laugh about it. It will stop or it won't, but it doesn't matter because then everything is taken with a grain of salt! Jokes about being a vegetarian? Tell them you rode a bull one time and the horn impaled the calf. The baby cow didn't make it but you'll never ride a bull again that's for sure! It's so stupid and corny that folks just can't help but look dazed and confused or laugh about it. It's 100% harder to make fun of someone that makes fun of them self.

With a small start up there will be stress and the need to blow off some steam. Enjoy and embrace the moment rather than take everything personal. Developing a thicker skin goes much further than whining and complaining to the founder or HR, because then you become "that guy". Tease back. Having fun and cutting up has a place in the work place since you spend more awake time at work than you do at home.

If, however, it does go wildly too far to the point of plain meanness and rude behavior then pursue it further by talking privately with the person, with the founder, or HR. Establish boundaries that everyone knows can not be crossed.