I hangout with two co-workers (lets say A and B) during lunch break. Both invite me to go to lunch with them then I seem to be invisible to both of them. Both will not talk to me and ignore my conversations. This happens almost all the time.

I am tired of keeping myself busy but then both of them insist on me to have lunch with them and then same thing happens all over again.

But their behavior is totally opposite when A and B are not together. Either one of them will talk to me nicely. Most of the time they complain about each other.

I am not sure how to deal with them. I don't want to be rude and I don't like to gossip.

Any suggestions?

  • 1
    Tell them you don't want to go because they are impolite and rude when together. What's the big deal?
    – user8365
    Aug 25, 2014 at 18:12
  • You might invite another person to join the group for lunch - interrupt the dynamic and make sure everyone has someone to talk to.
    – MJ6
    Aug 25, 2014 at 21:13
  • Tell us what is it you would REALLY like to do, and that will be a useful guideline for us. Right now, I am guessing that you'd like to have the lunch hour to yourself for the foreseeable future, with an option of going to lunch with them from time to time. Aug 25, 2014 at 21:40
  • I am a very nice person, I give space, respect and attention to everyone I interact with, never gossip, never talk bad on anyone's back. I am at a new place where I don't have many friends. All I want is to hangout with people and have a nice conversation. I guess, I will try to keep myself busy like read a book or something.
    – skb007
    Aug 26, 2014 at 14:55

1 Answer 1


By your description, it appears that the two individuals try to impress each other in your presence. They like to banter and they want a witness.

When they are alone with you, they still compete. They want to appear as the nice guy in your eyes.

When you have lunch one on one with A, I would say something like:

Hey, I understand that you like to talk about B, but why don't we talk about something else together. Talking about B feels like gossip, don't you think.

When having lunch with both of them, I would try to add to their conversations, or simply observe. They are too busy competing with each other and they do not notice you. This has nothing to do with you, and does not reflect badly on you.

  • I have been observing for long time and reached to the conclusion that both of them are ignoring me on purpose. I don't understand the point of inviting me to lunch and then completely ignoring me. I am not sure if they purposely want to humiliate me in some way by not talking to me.
    – skb007
    Aug 25, 2014 at 20:42
  • 2
    Given the nature of this forum, it seems fairly safe to assume they are programmers or something of that ilk, a group not known for its social cluefulness. Believe it or not, people can act like arrogant jerks and be completely unaware they're tromping all over others. Aug 25, 2014 at 23:49

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